


We Live In Order To Love

by tutseti



Series: Fall, Live, Love [3]
Category: Naruto
Genre: Angst and Feels, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Budding Love, Denial of Feelings, M/M, Male Homosexuality
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-31
Updated: 2016-09-15
Packaged: 2018-07-11 11:39:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 56,082
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7048159
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tutseti/pseuds/tutseti
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After his death and the destruction of Konoha at the hands of Nagato, Kakashi and Iruka are forever changed. They must decide if they will continue on as though nothing has changed between them or embark on the toughest and most frienghtening mission they have ever faced.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. We must forgive in order to move on

**Author's Note:**

> Part 3 of this series. Unlike the other two this will have multiple chapters as I felt that would be more fitting than multiple one shots. As of right now the rating is teen but if I feel that the narrative is progressing into more mature content i will update the rating.
> 
> Thank you to everyone for their kind support of my fist attempt at a series. It means more than you will ever know.
> 
> Update 2016/06/09: edited tags and added new characters that play important roles as story progresses.
> 
> Update 2016/06/01: I do not have a beta so any errors are ones that I did not catch. I reworked the end of the chapter a bit because I wasn't happy with what I had originally wrote.

 

The smell of burning wood and the sounds of a crackling fire great his ears.  Kakashi slowly opened his eye and looked around.  It was pitch black with a forest all around.  The only light coming from a fire.  He could make the outline of a sole figure seated near it.  Not sensing anyone else near nor any ill intent didn’t sway him from cautiously approaching the warmth.  His eyes grew wide in surprise as the figure came into view.

“Father?”

The man, the legendary White Fang of Konoha Hatake Sakumo, turned to look at his only son.  He gave him a smile.  Kakashi hadn’t seen that smile since he was a young child, before he graduated from the academy.  It was warm and full of love, kindness and pride.

“You have become a fine man, my son. You are the spitting image of your mother.”

He was suddenly filled with a whirlwind of emotions. He wanted to rip off his mask because he felt like he was suffocating and unable to breath.  His chest was tightening and his legs felt they were being weighed down by cement cinder-blocks. Yet he was using all his willpower to resist the desperate clawing urge to run over to his father and embrace him.  Sakumo could always tell what his son was thinking, even when no one else could. He continued to smile and patted the space next to him on the log, beckoning his son to join him in front of the fire.

Taking up his usual slouch he apprehensively walked over to his father.  He sat down and kept his eyes focused on the flames.  He held out his hands to let the radiating heat warm his hands.  They sat in silence for a few moments before Kakashi spoke.

“I hated you for a long time.” he said.

“I know.”

Sakumo’s death had been hard for Kakashi to process.  If he had died in battle he would have been able to accept it. In the mind of the boy genius there was no way to understand suicide.  His father had been regarded almost like a god among shinobi, a prime candidate for hokage even.  Why would be end his own life?  Why would he let his young son find his lifeless corpse; let his nostrils be consumed with the scent of blood, defecation, decay- the aroma of death. Why would he force his own child to have his hands covered in blood, feel the warm liquid coagulate and stain his tiny fingers while trying to rouse his “sleeping” father? Why would he make Kakashi wake up screaming every night, drenched in sweat and furiously scrubbing his hands raw trying to remove stains that will never go away?  

The only way Kakashi knew how to process the situation was through anger and resentment.  He finally listened to the whisper about his father, the ones that he had ignored in favor of the idolized image.  At the time he thought they were wrong, his father was amazing.  He doted on Kakashi both in training and to make sure he was child never lacking familial love.  However once Sakumo died the buzzing of disapproval and shame grew louder and louder.  Once his own name was added to the flames- having his father’s peers look at him in disgust, children spitting at him and targeting him for blame- he could not ignore them any longer.  His grief over the loss of his father turned into anger for being alone. He felt abandoned now with no parents and no other members of his clan stepping forward to claim him as their ward.  But soon that anger turned into hatred. He hated his father, He hated him with every fiber of his being. He hated him for being weak.  He hated him for being selfish.  He hated him for abandoning him.  He hated him for not manning up and dealing with his issues instead of being a coward.  He hated his father for being a disgrace to shinobi.  He hated that he was Sakumo’s son.

That anger fueled him to be a no-nonsense killer.  He had to distinguish himself from his father.  He was not him and he needed to make sure everyone knew that- not just Konoha but in the entire world. He would not make the same mistakes that Sakumo made.  He would follow the shinobi code exactly… even though that ultimately cost him Obito… and Rin… and Minato-sensei…

It wasn’t until he met Iruka that he was finally able to truly process the years of pain and resentment he held towards his father. Iruka had lost both his parents to the Kyuubi attack.  Like many he had be hurt and angry about the destruction of his home and the pain of losing his only family. What was remarkable was how Iruka embraced the jinchūriki.  The beast that killed his parents lived inside that child and while all the other people treated him with vile disgust Iruka did not.  This became the topic of a private conversation they had over tea and a game of Go, shortly after the son of Minato went off to train with one of the sannin. The question had been bugging Kakashi for some time but he never knew when would be a good time to broach the subject. Plus with Naruto’s habit of storming in unexpectedly he knew this wasn’t a conversation he wanted to have with the boy around. When he finally asked Iruka, the younger man gave Kakashi that warm smile that made him feel like he was melting inside and his stomach doing back flips and somersaults all at once.

“I can’t keep blaming Naruto for actions he didn’t do.” the teacher had said. “He didn’t ask to be the nine tales vessel. Also, the nine tails probably had a reason for attacking the village.  No one does things without one.  I will be honest, I did hate Naruto for a long time and blamed him for the death of my parents. At first I did not want him as my student when he was first assigned but then I had to smack myself in the head and stop being selfish because he was hurting just as much as I was, probably even more.  He lost his family too that day.  He never got to meet them. So once I grew a pair I decided to be his family.  Plus, I always wanted a little brother!”

No one does things without a reason… those words struck a chord with him. He constantly replayed that conversation in his head while also comparing it to his own anger.  He also looked at his father’s old mission reports with a newly objective set of eyes. That was when he realized that his father did have a reason.  It was all over a call he made during a mission.  He had refused to leave a comrade behind- that was a call he himself would make.  However when looking closer at the waring time period and mentalities of the era he began to realize that his father’s decision was a very unpopular one, against shinobi code even.  That guilt and ridicule from his fellow comrades yet knowing he was right must have ate at him.

He had been such an idiot.

Kakashi continued to stare at the bonfire. “I hated you for a long time.” he repeated. “I used to hate you, but not anymore.” He couldn’t face his father.  He felt like he was a child again, so small and anxious.  But at the same time it felt like a giant weight had been lifted and a tension was released.  He could feel his father smiling at him.

“Thank you.” Sakumo said.  “I have been waiting for your forgiveness. Now I can be with your mother, the love of my life.” He then placed a hand on Kakashi’s shoulder.  “But now is not your time to join us.  You need to go back to be with the one you love.”

Kakashi’s eye went wide and he finally looked at his father.  He shook his head. “I don’t have anyone.”  Sakumo let out a low warm laugh.

“My boy, even as a man now, you were never a good liar. A father knows when his child is in love.  I don’t care about your preferences, only that you are happy.”  

The White Fang placed a hand on his son's shoulder.  He continued to smile as he gently patted his flak jacket.  Suddenly Kakashi's body felt warm, the sensation washing over his body like warm water.  A soft glow crept into the corners of his his vision, replacing the darkness.  He looked over at his father and could still see his smiling face before the light clouded his vision and he disappeared.


	2. From the ashes we are reborn

Shinobi were not supposed to show emotion. They were trained to be that way. Emotions clouded judgement.  Emotions got in the way of the mission.  Emotions prevented a nin from doing the dirty work their profession required. Emotions got you killed. He knew this better than most.  He taught the future warriors this very lesson.

 Protocol be damned!

 Iruka was reliving his worst nightmare all over again. He felt like a child, a pre-genin as he watched his home crumble around him for a second time.  Back then the village was up in flames and he watched his family turn to ash.  He tried to rush in after them but the heat of the flames were too intense and they rendered him helpless.  All he could do was wail as the ones he loved were lost in the chaos.  Now history was repeating itself once again.  Instead of  a mad beast destroying his home it was the destructive force of a single individual. Instead of flames holding him back it were the hands on his comrades.  Instead of his parents sacrificing their lives to keep him safe, it was… it was…

“Umino-sensei, calm down!”

Iruka probably looked and sounded like a crazed animal; clawing and screaming to be free. Did they not realize what was happening?  Did they not know who needed their help? Did they not understand how desperate his need was to save him? He couldn’t hear his own voice anymore, probably raw from his cries. He didn’t care what people were saying to him, about him, about how insane he was acting.  They didn’t understand. They didn’t see things they way he did.  They didn’t know the personal hell he was reliving except now it was more painful than ever.  When he lost his parents it felt like such a huge loss.  Even though he missed them terribly everyday he always knew that he would be able to carry on with his life. But now this felt completely different. It felt like an enemy had plunged their fist into his chest, ripped out his heart and forced him to watch it slowly cease beating. He truly felt like his world was ending, that everything was happening in slow motion.

He couldn’t breathe.  His chest was painfully tight.  He felt his heart racing and blood rushing into his ears.  He blocked out all noise.  His eyes were wild and craven, fixated on that spot, that very spot.

  _Let me go! I need to go to him!  Can’t you see I need to help him!?_

There was a gasp of a female shinobi near by.  Others turned and made similar sounds while others hung their heads. The hold on his grew tighter then and that’s when he knew what had happened.  His determination was now stronger than ever. He had no voice left but that didn’t prevent him from unleashing a blood curdling wail. He kicked and punched at his fellow shinobi.  He clawed and scratched as more joined in to restrain him.

“Hey, Umino-kun.” Genma joined the struggling group of nin trying to keep him still. He cupped his cheek and gently forced Iruka to look at him.  “Babycakes, look you need to calm down, ok.”  Long before working together in the mission room, Genma and Iruka had been friends. The tokubetsu jounin and the chuunin met during the later’s rebellious period.  They looked out for each other- making sure the other other didn’t get caught, be it with a rather nasty prank or in a  scandalous affair.  They had nicknames for each other, which Genma had no qualms teasing Iruka with incessantly no matter the situation.  Only Genma was allowed to get away with such names in public. Anyone else who thought the could use those same names (and some were stupid enough to do so) were met with the sensei’s well documented wrath and a rather disgusting surprise prank when they least expected it- with no way to trace it back to Umino since he had a reputation to uphold.  Because of their bond Genma knew of Iruka and Kakashi’s friendship.  He was also more perceptive than most gave him credit for. He would tease the teacher that their meetups were in fact dates, that they both needed to stop giving each other pining glances or constantly ask when they’re going to finally nail each other. Of course he wasn’t an idiot and made these comments in private.

Genma soon realized his words were falling on deaf ears and that his friend was beyond the point of reason.  Grief affected everyone differently, especially to those who had feelings that ran deeper than most or were in denial of admitting both to themselves and the person they cared for. And he knew that his friend was hurting alot more than anyone else around would even begin to understand. He sighed deeply and rubbed Iruka’s cheek tenderly with his thumb.  He could see the wild hurt and rage in his friend’s chestnut eyes. “Don’t be mad at me for doing this but bushy tail you haven’t left me much of a choice.” He continued keep Iruka looking at him while the other shinobi struggled to keep their hold on him.  With his other hand he slipped it into his flak jacket and pulled out a small senbon. It was from his pocket of one's coated with an anesthetic. In one swift move he pricked the back of Iruka’s neck.  

Iruka’s body started to feel sluggish. It was becoming harder and harder to fight against the hold on him. His voice was gone and he gave up trying to make a sound.  He felt like his limbs were being held down by cement blocks.  His vision started to blur before he felt his eyelids growing heavy.  His knees buckled and he fell forward, his face hitting the familiar stiffness of a flak vest.  He felt only one set of arms wrap around him like a warm blanket.  He wanted to fight the approaching darkness.  He needed to go help Kakashi but his body wouldn’t move anymore. He heard a soft voice but he couldn’t make out the words.

“It’s ok, I gotcha buddy.” Genma cooed. He stroked his friend’s hair lovingly as he felt the other’s body finally succumb to the effects of the drug.

 

Kakashi’s eyes opened wide and he let out a gasp as he felt a rush of wind enter his body. He blinked rapidly and looked around. He was extremely confused and disoriented.  What had just happened? He thought he had died.  No, he had died.  That was the only way to explain why he was with his father.  But there that had been a white light during their conversation and he saw his father’s smile fade away and that light blinded him. But now he was back in Konoha, back on the battlefield where he had fallen.  Before he was at the campside with his father he remember he had sent Iruka away in order to prevent him from getting hurt.

_Iruka!_

He felt his heartbeat quicken and his breathing becoming difficult.  His chest was tightening and he could not prevent himself from clenching his vest. Was he panicking? He needed to find him and make sure that he was ok.

“Kakashi-san!.”

Kakashi turned his head at the sound of his name.  He saw Choza Akimichi and his son rushing towards him.  While he was happy to see his comrades he could not help but feel disappointed. Had he been expecting to see someone else? No, he had wanted it to be someone else… he had wanted Iruka to be the first person he saw, to hear calling his name.  He couldn’t help the pang in his chest with his feeling of disappointment. But why was he feeling this way? It wasn’t like Iruka was different or special compared to any other Konoha shinobi.

_Stop lying to yourself!_

He was consumed in his own selfish thoughts before he realized the two Akimichi were surrounding him.  They were grabbing the rubble that had encapsulated him and helping him get free. In asking what had happened he learned that Naruto had returned and had saved everyone, including those who had died, like him.  He was completely dumbfounded and amazed all at the same time.  Once he was free the trio went over to Naruto, who laid unconscious and spent from the battle.He picked up his sensei’s son and carried him to the hospital.

He handed off Naruto to the waiting medical staff. He started to leave the hospital with every intention of finding Iruka before making his way home.  He was pretty sure the other was unharmed but he needed to see him.  He needed the visual confirmation.  He needed to see that smiling face, hear that velvety tenor voice say his name.  He wanted to feel his arms wrap around the other’s broad frame and embrace him tightly.  He wanted to hold him close and let his nose take in his scent, let all his senses be consumed with everything that was Iruka. He just wanted to be comforted by him, bury his face in the crook of his neck.  He wanted to confide to him about the meeting with his father, about their conversation and how he was finally able to move on from his childhood trauma.  He was just about to reach the exit door when he felt something grab the back of his jacket and yank him backwards and off kilter.

“Oh no you don’t, brat!”

Kakashi groaned hearing Tsunade’s garish screech. He did not want to be in the hospital a second longer.  He felt fine, better than fine actually not counting the tiredness from chakra depletion.  If he needed any medical attention he would take of it himself in comfort of his own home… or possible by Iruka wherever he finally found him. He tried to wiggle himself free but it was futile.  The hokage tightened her grip on his collar and dragged the elite jounin into a private exam room.

She ordered him to sit on the table and he reluctantly complied.  There was no use trying to weasel his way out of this. He then did as he was told, removing his flak jacket, hitai-ate, and gloves. She then began her examination. “You died.” She said, her tone taking an unexpected gentleness. He suddenly felt extremely self conscious and small.  He looked away, unable to meet her gaze. “Everyone was in shock when that happened. Umino-sensei took it harder than everyone. He was like a bat out of hell. It took at least five shinobi just to restrain him. Shiranui-san had to give him a sedative in order to get him under control.”

Hearing Iruka’s name caused Kakashi to immediately look up and be at attention.  Iruka was ok.  He felt the pain in his chest relax and he sighed in relief.  He hadn’t realized that hope shined brightly in his grey eye.  It wasn’t until Tsunade smirked that Kakashi forced himself to adopt his usual bored demeanor.  He braced himself for the other to start cackling and clucking at him, chiding him about that look in his eye and implying things between himself and the academy teacher that were simply untrue… or things that he had no desire to address.  He prefered the elephant in the room to remain quite large and to stay put in its tiny corner. What he had not anticipated was the gentle hand on his shoulder.

“He’s in one of the private rooms.” Her voice still contained that tender quality. “He’s unharmed except for a few minor scrapes and bruises.  Shiranui-san is keeping watch over him, insisting that he be the one to keep him sedated should he wake up and forget his senses again.” A soft chuckle left her ruby lips before patting his shoulder.  “I swear, he’s been hanging around you too much for him to be so idiotic. I’m done with you here. I don’t know what you saw when you were gone or how that jutsu works that restored everyone and everything.  So please listen to me when I say that I want you to rest. No training, no challenges with Gai-san, nothing that will put stress on your body or cause you to use any chakra. I want to you to report to me directly once a day for two weeks for check-ups.  That’s an order.”

Kakashi nodded but still couldn’t bring himself to look at her. He continued to count the tiles on the floor as she silently moved away from him and left the room. He let out the breath he hadn’t realized he had been holding and fell back to lay on the exam table.  Iruka was ok. He felt this giant weight lifted off of him.  He ran his hand through his hair as he thought over what Tsunade had shared with him.  Iruka needed to be restrained when he found out he had died… sedated even. He knew Iruka and he had become close but to go into hysterics at the news of his death… what did that mean? When Obito and Rin died he had been greatly upset, and still was, but he was still able to think logically and keep his composure.  He could not help but keep replaying the battle in his mind- how he practically saw red and was filled with a blind rage he had never felt before upon seeing Pain about to attack Iruka; how he could have sworn he heard Iruka screaming in the background, though extremely faint, when he felt death swallowing him.

  
_Damn… what did this all mean?_


	3. Dancing elephants are hard to ignore no matter how hard we try

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize for this chapter being significantly longer than the previous. I couldn't find a good place to end. In all honesty I wanted to keep it going but I felt like there needed to semi clear break. I absolutely enjoyed writing the dialog for Kakashi's ninken. I was so worried about capturing their different personalities so I hope I did them justice.
> 
> I have a hard time catching all my errors so please let me know if you find anything major that needs changing.

His body slowly began to stir.  He felt the stiffness of heavily starched bedding glide across his skin. He made a soft groan, his body feeling like it was made of lead and hard to move.  He still tried anyway, especially since his nose began to itch.  He tried to lift his hand but found that he couldn’t.  He tried harder and found his mobility limited.  He tried again with his other hand and had the same result.  He forced his eyes open, the bright light blinding him.  He began to struggle as he felt himself start to panic.  He didn’t know where he was and what was going on. 

“Woah, woah, woah.  Relax flipper.”

The voice sounded familiar as a hand gently laid on his chest.  Its warmth radiated through the fabric and seemed to help calm his racing heart. He blinked a few times as his eyes began to adjust.  His surroundings came into focus. He was surrounded by the sterile white walls of a hospital room.  White sheets covered his legs and when he looked over to his hand he noticed that there were soft cuffs around his wrists with straps connected to the bed.  He had on restraints.  The person who spoke obviously saw the confusion that plagued his features.

“Tsunade-sama wanted this just as a precaution.” He looked at the speaker, seeing dirty blonde locks under a blue bandana, a senbon in his mouth. 

“G-Genma?” His voice burned when he spoke.  His voice sounded raspy and strained.  He blinked again and his confusion grew. 

“Iruka-kun, do you know where you are?” When he nodded in response Genma continued. He stroked his brown locks. “You scarred a shit ton of people, you know that? Hell you even had me freaked.  I’ve seen you upset before but never like that. So I had to put you down.  Sorry, not sorry, you know.” 

Hearing his friend speak about how he had been upset made Iruka remember why.  His eyes grew wide and he started to struggle against his restraints once more.  “Kakashi!” he croaked. “I- I-- He-- I have to go help him!”

“Hey!” Genma grabbed his shoulders to try to keep his friend still.  Iruka continued to struggle more, now kicking and having the sheet slip off his frame. “Hey, you have to stay here.  There’s nothing you can do. Seriously babycakes, don’t make me knock you out again.” 

Due to the noise Iruka’s jostling was making neither man heard the door of the room open. A woman with dark violet hair stepped in. Anko Mitarashi had been friends with both Iruka and Genma for many years.  She completed their trio of miscreants. She saw the two men as the brothers she had always wanted.  They had been her rock after her ordeal with Orochimaru, her former sensei.  And it was now her turn to be there for Iruka.  Like Genma she suspected there was more under the surface between Iruka and Kakashi and she made sure Iruka knew her opinion.  Of course, she would convince him to bribe her with dango in order to stop her prodding into his personal life or to make sure she didn’t harass the legendary  jounin. 

“Ruki-chan!” Seeing Genma fighting to keep Iruka in bed she went over to the other side and touched his face with both hands.  She turned his head to look at her.  “Naruto won.  You hear me, Ruki-chan?! It’s all over now.” Her words didn’t seem to get through to him.  She pouted before looking over at Genma.  The other mouthed Kakashi’s name and her eyes instantly grew big with realization. She looked back over at Iruka and a smirk crossed her lips. “Kakashi’s alive, Ruki-poo.” 

Hearing her words made Iruka suddenly stop.  Both he and Genma stared at her. Iruka had a blank expression on his face, while Genma’s was hard and silently declaring that she had better not be lying as twisted way to help calm their friend. Anko saw the look and she continued to beam at them. 

“No…” Iruka’s voice had become small and barely audible.  “I saw him… I saw what happened… What Pain did…” 

Anko pinched Iruka’s cheeks. “I swear on hanami dango that I saw him on my way to see you. He came in the hospital carrying Naruto before the hokage dragged him away.  Not sure what all happened but whatever Naruto did to stop that bastard saved us all.” 

Iruka’s eyes started to water.  “You mean he… Kakashi’s not dead?” Seeing Anko nod was the unspoken signal to let all of his emotions flow out of him.  Tears ran down his face as he began to cry, but this time they were tears of joy instead of sadness. Relief washed over him and he felt like he could finally breathe. Anko quickly undid the restraint closest to her and climbed into the bed.  She curled up next to her friend and cradled his head against her bosom.  Normally Iruka hated it when she would shove his face into her chest but now he didn’t care.  He wrapped his newly freed arm around her and continued to sob.  Genma undid the other cuff and that allowed Iruka to fully hug her waist.  The senbon user pocketed the needle in his mouth and climbed into the bed as well.  He wrapped his arms around both his friends.  He kissed the top of Iruka’s head. Neither tokubetsu jounin said a word as he continued to weep.

  


Kakashi had every intention to visit Iruka. He really did. He knew it would have been awkward; he would practically be walking into the other’s room and saying “hey, remember when you thought I died? Yeah, about that…”. He hated being put into awkward social situations but he would suffer for Iruka. He was worth it. He would swallow his pride and tough it out. He would let the teacher yell at him, hit him, hug him, or whatever the other needed to do in order to process the situation. If Kakashi had to choose one he would prefer the hugging. That way he could wrap his arms around him, take in his scent, remove that band and feel those dark locks with his fingers. He needed to _feel_ Iruka and he didn't care which version he got. 

He really had intended to find Iruka. After he stepped out of the exam room he turned towards the direction of the nurse's station instead of the exit. Yes, he was going to go through with it… 

“My Eternal Rival!” 

Kakashi’s body went rigid upon hearing Maito Gai’s bombastic voice. For a split second he honestly considered slipping back into the exam room, locking the door and hiding but he knew that would be pointless. Once Gai spotted him there was nothing he could do. Even though he didn't act like it, the green beast was actually one of his closest friends- and he had less than the number of fingers on one hand. That said alot. It’s just that he always had the absolute worst timing. 

He sighed and gave a small wave as Gai came charging towards him. The other slid to a stop in front of him before embracing him in a rather tight bear hug. “Kakashi, my ever hip and cool friend of many moons, you have bested me yet again! You have become a Phoenix and alas that is a feat I shall never be able to attain!” Kakashi tried tapping onto Gai’s shoulder to let him go but it didn't work. “Oh how I wept at the loss of the epitome of manly youth only to no weep at your return. I pray that you are unharmed, yes?” 

“If you don't let me go I won't be unharmed for long.” came his muffled reply. 

Seeing his error, Gai let Kakashi go. He forced him to stand up straight and proceeded to straighten out his uniform, fussing about like a mother hen. “Has our most lovely and beautiful hokage, the lady Tsunade, declared you fit to leave these hallowed halls of healing?” 

“Yeah, she did. Just bed rest and check in with her.” 

Kakashi instantly regretted speaking. Gai flashed him a bright grin. He then hoisted him over his shoulder, absolutely mortifying Kakashi and stunning anyone nearby. “Well then, my eternal rival, I shall see to it that you make it to your dwelling safely!” Since Tsunade had forbid chakra use Kakashi had no means of escape and was forced to suffer the embarrassment of being a carried out of the hospital by a grown man in green spandex grinning from ear to ear and humming a merry tune. Now he had another thing to add to his list of reasons why he hated hospitals.

  


With the rebuilding of Konoha, Iruka’s attention had been forced to help with the Academy. He desperately wanted to see Kakashi, to see with his own eyes that he was alright. Sakura had visited him in between checking on Naruto and shifts at the hospital. She told Iruka that Tsunade had ordered him to bed rest and extremely limited activity. Sakura’s words were comforting but it just wasn't the same as seeing the man himself.  But all the construction and directing his students in helping out left very little time for him to think or plan anything else. When he was done for the day his body was completely exhausted and he would collapse as soon as he got home. 

It had been just under two weeks since the rebuilding had begun. Iruka was having his lunch break with his students when he heard them making a commotion. 

“Look, a doggie!” 

“What’s with his face? He looks sad.” 

“Your face looks sad.” 

Iruka went over and was surprised to see Pakkun in the middle of the circle of children. Aside from the mission they went on together, Iruka had interacted with the pug only a handful of times. He didn't think the dog hated him but with Pakkun one never could really tell. 

 _Wait, Pakkun?! Does that mean Kakashi sent him?_  

After a quick lecture about how Pakkun was a ninja dog and that ninken were usually used to relay important messages or tracking, he picked up the tiny dog and told the kids to finish their lunch. He cradled Kakashi’s lead dog and took him far away from kids, out of earshot but not out of his line of sight. 

“Thanks for the save, sensei.” Pakkun gruffed as he was set down on the grass. “I can't understand how you can wrangle so many pups all the time.” Iruka took a piece of his lunch and held it out for the pug. Surprised by the gesture he briefly sniffed it before eating. “This is why I like you, sensei. You know how to treat a ninken.” 

If it had been any other time Iruka would have been able to process the statement and beam happily. However his mind was focused on other things. The pug could tell and decided against coaxing him for another piece of meat. 

“I gotta make this quick. Boss isn't supposed to use any chakra until the hokage gives him the all clear, so if she sees me we are both dead… well, he’ll be dead and the pack will be without a Boss.” 

Iruka felt his chest tighten at his words. “Is Kakashi ok?” Worry laced his words alot more than he had intended. At this point he didn't care. Pakkun was a direct connection to the copy-nin and if he was summoned that could mean a number of things. 

“Cranky as hell because Gai won't stop acting like his nurse-maid. He hasn't let Boss leave his apartment. If me and the pack have to hear Boss whine or see him mope about anymore we are going to loose it. He is always in such a better mood after he sees you, so I need you to come visit. Boss is too worried to ask you himself so I am doing it for him.” 

Iruka was speechless. Kakashi being cranky must mean he was well. He wanted to see him but was worried about it? His pack needed Iruka to visit their leader in order to lift his spirits. He could not hide the flush that crept across his face and he couldn't help but scratch the scar across his nose. It was out of habit whenever he was flustered. 

“S-sure thing, Pakkun. I can come after I finish with the children today.” He could not help but smile as the pug nodded. “Should I bring him anything?” 

The pug seemed like he was deep in thought for a minute. “You know how to cook saury? Also bring us some snacks since this was all my idea." 

Iruka could not help but chuckle at Pakkun’s not so subtle request. He agreed and the pug disappeared in a puff of smoke. As he finished his lunch and wrangled his students he could not help but plan a shopping list. If his students asked why he was grinning or what the doggie had wanted, he simply said that was classified information.

  


Kakashi was finally able to relax for the first time in over a week. Gai and his team had been summoned to take their turn patrolling the village border as well as test the defenses. He was touched by his devotion but he wasn't a baby. He knew he would be fine on his own. Plus he was starting to get sick of curry and drinking raw eggs for breakfast. 

He was in his kitchen when he heard a pop. He closed the refrigerator door and stared down at the eldest member of his pack. 

“Where the hell have you been?” 

“Doing you a favor since you are chicken.” The pug lifted up his back leg and scratched behind his ear. “And I wouldn’t cook anything if I were you. We’re having company later. Unlike you he’s nice to us.” 

His sole grey eye grew wide. “You did not!” He felt himself start to panic, but not in a way indicative of the flight or fight response. No, this was more of the self conscious variety. 

“I did. Now you owe me and the pack steak every night for a month.” 

“One day.” Kakashi argued. He was a bit miffed his ninken went behind his back like that but secretly he was elated. He had been wanting to reach out to Iruka but he let Gai become a source of procrastination. He was extremely nervous to see the teacher for the first time since the battle. But he wasn't going to give in to Pakkun’s demand, even if the reward is justified. 

“A month.” 

“One week.” 

“A month.” 

“Okay, two weeks.” 

“A month.” 

“Two and a half weeks, final offer. Take it or none at all.” 

The pug harrumphed before he conceded. He gave a nod of his head then turned to go back to Kakashi’s room. “Steaks start tomorrow. The sensei is repaying his debt to us tonight.” 

Once the mutt was gone, Kakashi felt himself become extremely flustered. His mind and heart rate began to race. He looked around and suddenly deemed his very spartan living squatters to be unsuitable for company, even though Gai had done a spotless cleaning job to the point where the floors were polished and waxed. He didn't need anything else in his home but he knew that his place had a much colder vibe compared to the homey atmosphere of Iruka’s. He was feeling very self conscious about that. He was pretty sure Iruka would tell him the place was fine but he couldn't help but fret. 

After he spent a good couple hours arranging and rearranging his bookshelves and dishes, he headed to the bathroom. He took one look in the mirror and felt that his appearance was hideous. He rubbed his maskless chin with his hand and felt a few days growth of stubble. His hair seemed deflated and without its usual bounce. He frowned before he began the process of shaving and showering. 

Entering his room with only a towel around his waist he went to his closest, ignoring his dogs who all started to watch him intensely. Looking at his wardrobe he sighed. 

“Ooh Boss, you need help finding the right outfit?” 

“He’s got a date with the sensei!” 

“The one that loves Minato-sensei’s pup?” 

“Yep and Pakkun said he’s bringing steak!” 

“Steak!” 

“Hey Boss, don't stress over what to wear for your mate. Just wear your fur suit like we do. Clothes get in the way of tummy touches.” 

“Does the sensei give you good tummy touches?" 

Kakashi growled as his ninken kept yammering. “Enough!” All the animals stopped and hung their heads low, except Pakkun. Kakashi turned to his pack. “I don't have a date with anyone. Iruka is a friend, a very good friend. Scratch that, an amazing friend. And because of this I am expecting you all to be on your best behavior. Don't embrace me.” 

“Don't worry Boss, you can handle that all on your own.” All the ninken laughed at Shiba comment. The jounin rolled his eye and turned back to his closest.

“Be useful and help me find something that doesn't smell like blade oil.”

  


_Why am I feeling so nervous?_  

Iruka studied himself in the mirror and frowned. He pulled off his shirt and pants and tossed them onto the ever growing pile of clothes on his bed. After he finished with his students he went shopping and came home to shower and change. He felt absolutely disgusting and dirty and had no intention of showing up at Kakashi’s home covered in plaster, grime and sweat. That is what led to his current fussing over what to wear. He felt like there was something wrong with every single item he put on. He was either too fat, the item was too tight, too baggy, too flashy, too plain, too casual, too dressy… there was always something. His clothes were perfectly fine. He was the one suddenly wishing he had a whole new wardrobe. 

 _This isn't the first time I’ve cooked for him. Why am I making this into a bigger deal than it is?_  

This was just dinner, he kept trying to remind himself. Yes, it was the first time he would be going to Kakashi’s place and it would be the first time either will have seen or spoken to each other since the attack, but that shouldn't change this too much. Just another meal and hang out with a buddy, right? 

 _A buddy Genma had to sedate because you lost your shit._  

Iruka shut out his thoughts. He convinced himself that it was just a normal after work get together and nothing more. Once he finally settled on that he went over to his bed and grabbed a plain grey t-shirt and a pair of black pants. After tying up his hair in his usual high pony, he looked himself over and smiled. He laughed softly about how much he has been agonizing over his clothing. 

“Umino, you are not some love stuck teenager.” he joked. And yet as the words hit his ears he didn't fully believe them. He wanted to care about his appearance, which he generally always did, but because he was now the guest in someone's home he wanted to make a good impression. This was ridiculous since he and Kakashi were already good friends. Correction, they were fantastic friends. They were able to connect on a level that he could never even achieve with Genma and Anko, and they were practically his family. He had known them for most of his life and they all went through their ups and downs together. But by only knowing Kakashi for just a couple of years they grew a bond that ran extremely deep, almost as if it were a part of his very essence. To not have Kakashi in his life would be like losing a part of himself. He felt like the other man was the missing piece of the puzzle he didn't know he lacked. He was complete. 

A warmth pooled in his stomach and he saw himself turning red in the mirror. He shook his head to stop thinking such nonsense about completeness and how a single person can have that effect. Turning he left his room and gathered the groceries he bought for the meal Pakkun had suggested. 

The walk to Kakashi’s place was not that far. It would have been faster taking to the rooftops but he wanted to walk. He felt oddly anxious and he wanted the time the leisurely stroll provided to compose himself. It was just like any other time they would get together, nothing had changed… except for the fact that Kakashi had sacrificed his life to save his.  What kind of conversation starter that would be: “so.. um… thank you for saving me but I’m sorry that you died in the process. And for the record, I completely lost my shit when I watched it happen. I felt like I died with you. More rice?” 

He pulled at his ponytail a bit.  He wanted to slight pain on his scalp from the tug to force himself to refocus. Maybe it was a blessing in disguise that he would be the one cooking. That would give him something else to focus on instead of his thoughts. Who knows, maybe Kakashi won’t even want to talk about what happened to him. If he wants to, let him be the one to broach the subject.  Yes, that worked for Iruka. 

As he approached the front door he paused for a moment.  He closed his eyes and took a few deep calming breaths.  He was here.  It was now or nothing. He wasn’t a coward and he definitely did not want to stand Kakashi up and have the insufferable asshole, not matter how great of a friend he was, hold that decision over his head and tease him repeatedly about it. He could do this.  He was Umino Iruka, for goodness sake. If he can handle the judgemental old coots on the village council then dinner at Kakashi’s should be a piece of cake, right? 

With new determination he knocked.  He heard barking and someone yelling at said barking. He tightened his hold on the paper bag.  When the door opened he smiled. “Hey. Pakkun didn’t give me a specific time so I hope now is o..kay….” His voice trailed off as he looked at the person on the other side of the door.  He was greeted by a tall and lean man with wild silver hair and an eye patch over his left eye.  He wore a black tank top that fit him snuggly, showing off his rounded shoulders, toned pale arms and the tattoo on his bicep. Black sweats covered his legs and his feet were bare But that wasn’t what caused Iruka’s brain to stop working. It was his face. His nose was straight and his jaw was angular but surprisingly soft and yet still very masculine. His lips were thin but with a slight blush of pink, and a small mole just under his bottom lip. Iruka felt like the breathe was taken right out of his body. The warmth in his stomach returned with a vengeance and spread up his abdomen and chest, enveloping him.

“Maa, don’t sweat. It’s not like I was going anywhere. It could be three a.m. and I would still be happy to have you over.”

Iruka didn’t hear a single thing the other person said. He felt his face heat and was probably tomato red, if that was even possible with his caramel coloring. He quickly looked away. “S--Sorry… I have the w-wrong address.” He must have gotten the unit number wrong from Pakkun.  That man wasn’t Kakashi, there was no way. That man was gorgeous. No, he was sex on two legs! His face, though plain, was the most beautiful thing his eyes had ever had the honor to gaze upon. Kakashi would never just let anyone casually look upon his face, that was his most closely guarded secret.  Every ninja had their quirks- Gai with his obsession with green and speaking like a dramatic stage actor, Genma treating senbon like toothpicks, Anko constantly searching to fill a void with a revolving door of bedfellows, and Iruka...well, he wasn’t so public with his oddities. 

He bowed at the man and started to walk away.  He needed to get away from that gorgeous man before he did something he might regret. He needed to get away and recheck the address he wrote down and find Kakashi’s place. He made it a few steps away when he suddenly heard backing. A pack of dogs of various shapes and sizes happily yipped and pawed at his legs. 

“Sensei, you made it!” 

“Pakkun said you were bringing us steak.” 

“Steak!” 

“Where you going sensei? That’s not the way to Boss’s place?” 

“Yeah, this way sensei!” 

Before he could protest two ninken were tugging at his pants legs. He felt a nudge at his back.  He looked over his shoulder and saw Bull, Kakashi’s largest dog, gently pushing him forward with his head. Iruka sighed and let himself be lead.  His eyes went wide as they took him back to the place with the god of his future wet dreams standing in the doorway. He saw his eye close and and those lips curl into a smile.  A soft chuckle escaped his lips. 

That was when it hit him.  The way he smiled, and how the shape of his lips were mirrored in the crease of his visible eye made Iruka feel like he had just been smacked upside the head.  That _was_ Kakashi! He was showing Iruka is face like it was the most natural thing in the world, and acting like nothing was amiss. He felt feverish, that warmth from when he first answered the door spreading all over now.  He could feel it all the way at his fingertips down to his toes. 

“Let me take that.” Kakashi reached over for the bag. His fingers brushed against Iruka’s and the younger man’s body went rigid. He was pretty sure he saw Kakashi stiffen a bit as well. His face flushed even more and he looked away.  He forced himself to stay in place and stop the dogs from pulling him into the apartment. 

“Kakashi…” His voice came out strained and a bit weak. 

The older shinobi took the bag and blinked.  He gave Iruka a confused looked. His body was still a bit stiff and his cheeks had a light blush. “Iruka?” 

Iruka refused to meet his eyes. Without the bag he couldn’t stop his hands from clenching. Hesitantly he pointed to his own face. “Kakashi… you… y-you’re not…” His tongue felt like it was made of lead and his mouth was dry.  He was having trouble trying to speak, let alone form a coherent thought. Kakashi continued to look at Iruka like the other had lost his marbles. Once he noticed Iruka point to his face Kakashi touched his own chin.  That was when he discovered what was causing Iruka to look such a delicious shade of scarlet. 

_Did I just put Iruka and delicious in the same thought?_

Kakashi let out a nervous chuckle. “Oh, that…” He stepped aside and beckoned the teacher inside. Now he was suddenly self conscious about his face. When he was alone in his home he was comfortable leaving his face bare.  He had been so consumed with making sure he and his home were presentable that he didn’t even think about covering his face. It also didn’t help that his dogs aided in his distraction. “I don’t wear it when I’m home alone. I guess I forgot…”

He forgot?! Iruka did not buy that excuse for one second. But what if he actually did? If that was the case, then Iruka was invading his personal space and his safety zone. He felt like an ass. He couldn’t go in now.

“No, it’s my fault.” he said softly, still standing at the doorway. “I should have told Pakkun a time when I would be coming.  I shouldn’t have been so thoughtless.  Please, enjoy the saury and vegetables. And make sure your ninken get the steaks. I don’t know how they like their meat so there is a sauce mix incase they want that. I’m glad you’re ok, but let’s reschedule for another time.”

Iruka turned to leave for the second time.  He felt something grab his wrist and he stopped. He couldn’t turn around.  He didn’t want to know if it was Kakashi.  He would be respectful and not look at his face. He would not look at that handsome face, those kissable lip

“Stay.” Kakashi’s voice sounded a little anxious. To Iruka’s ears it was so different without the mask.  It was still that dry baritone but it was clear and a little crisp.  It wasn’t dampened and muffled by a layer or two of fabric. “Please. I want you here.” He gently squeezed his fingers around Iruka’s wrist. When Iruka didn’t say anything he spoke again. “If it will make you more comfortable I will get a mask.” 

Iruka’s eyes went wide and he spun around. “No, not me! I want you to be comfortable in your home. Don’t get it because of me. It’s fine, I can just come back another time.” 

Kakashi shook his head. “You brought me saury so you are staying.” He smirked and laughed.  “And since I am following your logic, get used to seeing this ugly mug of mine.” He let go of Iruka’s wrist and headed for the kitchen. 

_Your face is far from ugly. It’s perfect._

Iruka flushed and rubbed his scar. He felt so stupid and yet he couldn’t stop the grin that was tugging at the corners of his lips. Leave it to the jounin to both ease the tension and get a jab at Iruka all at the same time.  He felt another nudge at his back.  He had forgotten that the dogs were seated around him during their entire exchange.  He let his smile grow and a small laugh left his throat. “I did promise you all steak.”


	4. The first step is always the hardest

He continued to laugh as the ninken happily circled around him, proclaiming their glee.  Bull walked silently beside him as he made his way inside Kakashi’s home. He looked down at the behemoth and patted his head gently. The dog closed his eyes and leaned in, enjoying the gesture of affection.  That touched him. They all did.  He had been worried about what the summons thought about him. They were Kakashi’s family and no matter how much he and Iruka got along, if the ninken didn’t like him he knew that would have an effect.

Kakashi set the grocery bag down on the counter.  He leaned back and watched Iruka and his dogs. It made him feel light and almost fuzzy. Wanting his pack to accept the teacher was important to him so seeing them jovial was a great relief. He folded his arms across his chest and watched. He didn’t move as Pakkun climbed onto the counter and sat next to him.

“You like him, don’t you?” the pug kept his voice low as to not draw attention from anyone other than Kakashi.

“Of course.  I wouldn’t spend time with him if I didn’t think his friendship was worth the effort.” 

The pug rolled his eyes. “I did not mean that kind of like.”

He looked at him. Pakkun always kept a stern expression on his face which made most people have a hard time reading him.  But Kakashi knew him, raised him. In turn that also meant Pakkun could read him. He gave the mutt his trademark bored expression. He knew what Pakkun wanted to talk about.  He didn’t want to have that conversation, not with him and definitely not with himself. He just wanted to have Iruka in his life any way he could.  He needed that beckon of warmth and all things good that the sensei embodied.  He needed it to cut through his miserable darkness. He would be devastated if he were to lose him so he was perfectly content keeping things as they were… even if deep down in his heart (and his summon knew) he wanted more.

“Get your mind out of the gutter, you pervert.” he blandly teased. “I didn’t raise you to have a human fetish.” 

“I didn’t raise you to be such an idiot.” Pakkun shook his head. “Gai is you friend, not sure why but I don't judge humans. Tenzo is your friend. The sensei is not your friend. I know a mate when I see one.” Both turned towards the living room when they heard barking. The rest of the pack had decided they all wanted rubs from Iruka.  They had pinned him down on the ground and were running around him or laying on him, tails wagging. Iruka’s laugh came out like smooth velvet and seemed to wrap itself around Kakashi’s heart. It made his knees feel a bit weak and he just wanted to melt. He couldn’t hide the shiver that went down his spine. He loved Iruka’s laugh.

Pakkun touched Kakashi’s arm. “He is definitely your mate. And I don’t mean a one time screw either. Just ask him already. I am sure he would much rather hear it from you than me.”

Kakashi tore his eyes away from the beautiful sight. He wished he had remembered to open his sharingan as that would make a wonderful memory to revisit. It would be much more enjoyable than the constant unwelcome borage of every screw up, every death he caused. He looked over at Pakkun and glared. “Since when is my personal life any of your business?” Seeing the hound’s unrelenting stare Kakashi let out a deep sigh. His facial features softened and he looked back over at his pack.  They were now playfully pouncing and licking Iruka’s face, causing the man to laugh more. “Is it really that obvious?”

 

Iruka could not stop laughing.  He had not expected so much attention from the ninken.  When they started to lick at his face and hands he felt like his sides were going to split. He wasn’t ticklish but feeling wet and slobbering tongues felt so strange and foreign on his skin that his automatic response was laughter.

“My turn, sensei!”

“You already got a scratch.  It’s my turn!” 

“Sensei, I want a tummy rub!”

“Does Boss like it when you rub his tummy too?”

He stilled for a moment. “W-what?” he asked.  Did he hear that correctly? Why would they ask such a bizarre question? That didn’t make any sense. He sat up before he resumed petting Urushi and Akino. “Why would I rub Kakashi’s tummy?” He instantly regretted asking that.  It was too late to take it back.  He didn’t want to know the answer. If the dogs were anything like their master then their response would probably be perverted.  Oh he really wish he hadn’t asked. 

“Well,” Urushi was the one who spoke. He laid down and rolled over onto his back, exposing his stomach. “When we show you our stomachs it’s a sign of trust and respect. And when you pet us it’s affection. Plus we can’t scratch there so when you do it for us it just feels _so_ good! It’s like heaven!” 

“Yeah!” Guruko chimed. “And we show affection by licking and nuzzling. Isn’t that how you and Boss share affection?” 

He could not help but turn beet red.  He looked down at his lap, unsure how he should feel at that moment. Why were they asking about how he and Kakashi shared affection? Did they want to make sure he was a good friend to Kakashi? Yes, that must be it.  They’re just looking out of their master.  There was absolutely no way they were trying to insinuate anything more than that.

_Even though the thought of licking and sucking on those lips of his would be divine._

Iruka shook his head before he gave a nervous chuckle. “Friends don’t lick each other, no matter how much I remind Anko she does it anyway but she’s just being her. Friends show affection for one another in different ways.  For example, I came here to visit.”

“But you and Boss aren’t friends.”

“Yeah, you’re his mate!”

“Not yet, stupid. Pakkun said Boss is too chicken to ask.”

Panic started to set in. He felt like he couldn't breathe. This was not at all how things were supposed to go. Iruka’s plan had been to come over, cook, socialize about anything and every but “the incident” (yes, that was a good name for it), and then Iruka would head home. Simple, easy and no chance for things to go wrong. Except things were going downhill fast. Kakashi’s bare face was unexpected but he could manage that. He could adjust. He never even bothered to consider the ninken and that was his fatal mistake. A hoard of assassins knocking down the door and killing him sounded marvelous right about now. 

Kakashi and Pakkun turned their attention to the living room once they heard the low thunderous bark coming from Bull. Kakashi nodded and the pug jumped off the counter. He brought two fingers to his mouth and whistled before he made his way over to the other room, Pakkun at his heels. Hearing the noise the other dogs snapped at attention and faceed. 

“Shiba broke the sensei!”

“I did not!”

“Does this mean we no longer get steak?” 

“Alright, time to let the humans be.” It became evident why Pakkun was the leader amongst Hatake’s dogs. They all lowered their gaze, looking guilty. “You know Boss gets grumpy without food. He will make sure we don't get steak if that happens.” Without another word he trotted off towards the bedroom. Silently the rest followed. 

“I’m sorry about them. I guess they were just too excited for someone other than Gai. He’s been making them take part in his challenges.” He held out a hand for Iruka. He was pretty certain their excitement was not for the reason he gave but he wanted to put the other at ease. He saw the tension in his shoulders. He wanted to kneel behind him and massage them, feeling his warmth under his fingertips. By doing that he hoped it would elicit a sigh deep in his throat and maybe grant unspoken permission to let his hands explore elsewhere … He really needed to take a break from reading Jiriya’s novels.

Iruka couldn't bring his eyes to meet Kakashi’s. The words the animals were so casually throwing around were replaying over and over again in his mind. They didn't consider he and Kakashi to be friends but mates… like as in lovers? That was absurd! Lovers using implied a relationship- one that involved intimacy and trust. Well, he could argue that they had those qualities already as they both trusted each other, especially Kakashi. He had made it known that he didn't get close to many people because of how every last person he had all died. By sharing that and also with how comfortable and at ease Iruka made him feel took their relationship to a new level. Kakashi would inch closer to him whenever they were walking together, fall alseep on his couch and not stir if Iruka accidently made a sudden noise, and of course prompting him to make a copy of his key when the other started making a habit of going to his place instead of the hospital after certain missions. 

Being lovers also required a physical relationship. Hand holding, touching, kissing, wet mouths trailing across hot flesh, tongues tracing every scar or curve of muscle… fingers kneading and clawing the back of the other’s neck before nails dug into shoulders… labored breathing from gasps and moans of pure ecstasy while in the throws of passionate and heated sex…

 _Umino, get ahold of yourself right this instant you moron! Fantasize later in the privacy of your own home where you can wallow about being a shameless bastard!_  

He took the offered hand and let the other help himself to his feet. He gave a nervous laugh. “Is that the reason?” He forced himself to look at the other. Why did he have have to be smiling at him like that! Iruka was positive that Kakashi did not know just how powerful his smile was. If he didn't wear a mask all the time he would be exploding the ovaries of every single woman in the village multiple times a day, as well as whatever the male equivalent was. He wasn't a medical ninja so his knowledge of internal anatomy was severely lacking. 

Kakashi was extremely proud of himself for not blushing, or at least that it wasn't noticeable, as his fingers wrapped around the other’s hand. It wasn't the first time he had touched the other like this but this time he was doing it with a new perspective about the other, one he adamantly refused to process anytime soon. “It also doesn't help that you promised them steak. That gets them really worked up, so you just became their new best friend.” He let out a laugh of his own. “I won't be surprised if they decided to break their contract with me and want to go over to you instead.” When Iruka took that as a cue to continue laughing he internally sighed with relief. The tension in the air seemed to break at that moment.

 

Things between them resumed like normal. Kakashi helped Iruka with preparation work, offering to wash the rice and put in the rice cooker, as well as make the treat for his pack. They would banter back and forth, Kakashi occasionally flicking a grain of rice at Iruka, to which Iruka would threaten to burn the fish. Iruka would catch him up on the rebuilding process, vent about how it was significantly more difficult keeping his students from injuring themselves now compared to any session of weapons training. Kakashi regaled the other about Gai’s antics and his definition of caretaking, adding that it was a blessing his friend was called away or else Iruka would be forced to partake in his ultra nutrious cooking. The green beast truly had a good heart and it made the teacher reexamine his opinion of him.

They made sure the dogs were fed before they ate. Kakashi “threatened” to neuter them if they misbehaved or bothered them the remainder of Iruka’s visit. Even after Iruka playfully chastised him about that he assured the chuunin that he would never actually harm them. As they ate he was surprised to learn that Gai had a key to Kakashi’s place and vice versa, and that his unmasked face was already known to him for quite some time. The two would take care of each others homes when they were on extended missions, even if Kakashi lamented every time that his friend over watered his beloved house plant, Mr. Ukki. That made Iruka giggle and when Kakashi acted like a child in defending the name, he laugh even harder.

Kakashi helped gather the dishes once they finished. Iruka was insistent on doing the dishes since he had been the one to cook, telling Kakashi to just relax. The jounin hung back and watched the other. He was glad the other had his back to him as to not see him bite down on his lower lip. He knew they needed to talk about what had happened during the attack on their home. He needed to tell the other what happened to him but he was scared. That was a rare feeling for him but it seemed that the other reminded him of many emotions he thought were lost to him. Iruka had a power over him that both didn't realize he had, made him remember that he wasn't just a tool for death and destruction. Iruka reminded him that he was human. That he had wants and desires. That it was ok.

The silence that had fallen apon them was thick. It made Iruka uncomfortable so focusing on the dishes was a welcomed distraction. He put all his attention onto scrubbing, immersing his hands in the hot and soapy water. That’s why he was surprised when arms suddenly snaked themselves around his waist. He stiffened and tightly gripped a plate.

He knew he was taking a risk initiating such intimate contact but this was something Kakashi had wanted to do ever since he was brought back to life. It wasn't until then that he realized just how much safety the other provided him. He hadn't felt able to be truly unguarded since before graduating from the academy. He had forgotten what that felt like nor did he realize just how much he yerned for it. He leaned over and pressed his forehead into Iruka’s shoulder.  There was no turning back now but he just couldn't do this with the other facing him. He was still a coward. 

“I saw my father.”

Hearing those words made Iruka quickly understand what was happening. He forced himself to relax into the embrace. He knew this was going to be a difficult conversation,  there was no doubt about that. He wasn't going to push him into speaking about it. He just hadn't expected it so soon, nor did he expect the other to broach the subject by initiating such intimate contact. He never ever expected such a reserved and distrusting individual to do that. It moved him to think that Kakashi felt that he was special enough to show such vulnerability and to trust that he wouldn't exploit it. Iruka fought back the tears that were wanting to well up, as well as his desire to melt into the embrace.

“There was a fire and he was sitting by it. We talked and he said it wasn't my time to join him and my mother, but he was able to move on and be with her because I was finally able to forgive him.” Kakashi knew that his voice wasn't as steady as he had hoped. If it quivered or threatened to crackling he didn't give a damn. This was just too important to care about his reputation or anything trivial like that. He needed the other to know. He needed to share this with the one person. He felt he could confide something like this to and wouldn't make it into something else entirely. “I wouldn't have been able to do that if it hadn't been for you.”

The tears couldn't be held back. They silently began to roll down Iruka’s cheeks. Why did this insufferable man make him cry so much by saying moving things like that?! He wasn't that special and yet Kakashi clearly disagreed. They never once discussed Sakumo or anything related to his childhood. Iruka felt it would be extremely rude to pry about such a personal topic. Somehow he had unknowingly helped the man process this deep emotional trauma. Kakashi didn't have to share this with him. Hell, he could have lied and told him that he saw nothing but darkness and no afterlife like many religions want their followers to believe. Iruka would have believed him. And yet he did.

He knew he should let go but I couldn't. He did not want to. He needed to hold onto Iruka for just a little bit longer. He probably damaged their relationship by doing this but he needed physical contact from the other, even if it wasn't reciprocated. His eyes widened when he felt a wet hand cover his. That caused him to tighten his arms around him.

“Stop making me cry you jerk.” A warmth radiated through him from the spot where Kakashi’s arms were pressed around his waist. With his other hand he wiped at his eyes, which was a bit pointless since it was wet from the sink and the tears wouldn't stop. He felt the vibration of Kakashi’s chuckle against his back and there was no hiding the shiver it sent down his spine. He squeezed the pale hand that was under his. “I cried when you died.” he began. “I mean, everyone was sad when it happened. But it wasn't sadness that I felt… I felt heartbroken. It felt like I had died with you, that a very important piece of me had been ripped away and I would never be whole again. I never felt anything like that before, not even when my parents were killed or when Mizuki betrayed me.”

He knew it was against his better judgement but Iruka turned around in those strong arms that held him. He needed to look at him. He needed the other to see him for what he was about to say. When that single grey orb locked onto his dark brown ones he knew he had his undivided attention. “I needed to go to you. I don't know why but everything inside of me was screaming to do that. I don't really know what all happened after that. Genma told me that many of our fellow teamates tried to restrain me, that I was acting irrationality but I don't remember any of that. The only thought I had was that I needed to go to you, that I needed to help you, and that _I_ needed you. When I woke up in the hospital I was so confused and in restraints but the only thought I had was of you… even if it was to only find your body.”

Kakashi brought a hand up to the other’s face. He cupped his cheek and wiped away the tears with his thumb. He hated seeing him shedding them, and it was even worse because they were about him. He was in awe listening to the confession. He knew from Tsunade that Iruka had taken the news of his death harder than most but to hear then man explain just how much it had affected him made his chest tighten and he felt a pang in his heart. He never wanted to see this beautiful man crying ever again. It made his own experience that day seem so insignificant.

“Iruka… I’m not worth it.”

“Don't you dare tell me how to feel.” There was no malice in his voice. He chose those words to make his point clear to the other. He couldn't dictate another's feelings. He knew the older man would try by saying things about how he was cold and calculating, nothing more than a tool to be used at the hokage’s discretion; or that he didn't know how to properly interact with others and would just cause more harm than good. Iruka would have none of that. “Kakashi, I can't explain why I felt the way I did. That was how I felt. It’s how I still feel.”

Kakashi was speechless. He was at a complete loss for words. The gravity and truth of his confession was unlike anything anyone had ever shared with him. That it came from Iruka made it impact him all the more and made it that much more moving. There was nothing he could say. He wasn't confident in himself enough to find the words he knew were there. The words he refused to acknowledge. And yet he found himself leaning forward. His hand tilted up the others face. He felt his heart pounding painfully in his chest. He could see the other’s breathing speed up. He never felt so nervous in his life and yet he couldn't stop. He didn't want to stop himself. He could feel the other being pulled towards him as well.

Hearing the front door unlock jolted them from their trance. Kakashi released Iruka and quickly pulled away as if the other had burned him. He could see the brief flash of hurt in those eyes and he knew the reflected in his as well. There were only two explanations as to why someone was entering his apartment and he knew for a fact that Tenzo wasn't one of them.

“My illustrious friend! I hope you have not caused any trouble while I was away checking on the safety of our beloved village.”

Any feelings of hurt Iruka may have had when Kakashi pulled away from him and ruining whatever it was that was happening turned into absolute mortification when he heard Maito Gai’s voice. He started to panic. Had he seen them? One moment Iruka had been confessing his feelings from that day with Kakashi’s arm around him and touching his face tenderly, then they were caught in magnetic pull towards one another and all Iruka could focus on was his lips and an anticipation building up within him. And now it was gone. He was finding himself feeling  extremely angry towards the other jounin and he didn't know why.

“Thanks for the meal, Iruka-sensei.” Kakashi’s voice was so formal and matter of fact. He hadn't addressed him by his title in over a year. That stung and he hadn't known that was possible. “It was pleasure that you stopped by to check in on me. I can finish cleaning up. You probably have school in the morning.”

Oh Kakashi felt like an asshole and he never hated himself as much as he did in that moment. He never disliked his friend and his amazing knack for the worst possible timing as he did right then. He could see Iruka tense and bow to him quite low.

“Yes, thank you for reminding me Kakashi-sensei.” If he sounded a bit annoyed he really didn't care. What had he been expecting? Was Kakashi supposed to carry on with whatever was happening? He knew this resentment and bitterness was foolish but he couldn't stop himself. Had he wanted Kakashi to ignore Gai and continue on expressing his vulnerability? Had he been expecting to be kissed and was now being pussy because it didn't happen?

He bowed again to Kakashi. He didn't look at him as he walked away. He gave the other man a short bow but didn't say a word. He exited and closed the door behind him. He needed to get out of there. He needed to get to the safety of his home. He was glad that it was dark out and most were in for the remainder of the night. There was no one out and about to see the tears falling down Umino Iruka’s face as he ran all the way home.


	5. All you need is a little nudge in the right direction

Gai kept Kakashi house bound for the next few days and he was absolutely miserable. That was mainly due to the fact that he was unable to sneak out and see Iruka.  How they ended things when he visited was eating away at him.  He felt sick to his stomach remembering how he had practically pushed Iruka away. He didn’t want to do that. He had wanted to keep him close and in his arms.  It had felt so natural and so perfect to have him there, like that was where he was supposed to be all along. He hated that he was cowardly and gave in to upholding his reputation, to treating whatever was developing between them (and something was clearly changing) like it was some shameful secret. It’s not like Gai would be offended.  In fact he would be elated that Kakashi had found someone to connect with at such a deeply emotional level. He was disgusted with how weak he still was.

His pack could sense his mixture of misery and anger at himself. They were walking on eggshells around him, making sure to be on the extra best behavior.  He could tell that they were upset that he was hurting.  Whenever Kakashi was lounging on the couch or in bed alone with his thoughts they would curl up at his feet, along his side, lay their heads on his thighs. They would do anything they could to comfort their master. Their efforts didn’t go unnoticed. Kakashi would spend more time giving them rubs and convince Gai to feed them more treats than he would normally allow.

Fed up he assigned Bisuke the task of visiting Iruka.  The little pup was excited to be given such a special task.  Of all his ninken, Bisuke was the most fond of the academy teacher. He also had a feeling Iruka had an extra special soft stop for him as well. Plus, he wasn’t as off putting as Pakkun could sometimes me.  He had hoped the younger dog’s happy nature would help ease things between him and Iruka. Kakashi had wrote a note to Iruka, hoping his horrible handwriting was legible enough for its intended target to read. He attached the folded paper to the inside of the forehead protector around his neck before giving him specific instructions to not be seen as well as Iruka’s address.   
  


 

Iruka had felt like he was going through the motions of his life the last couple of days. He felt like he had thrown into the side of a mountain and he was nothing more than a breathing husk.  When he had gotten home that night he visited Kakashi he curled up in his bed with the lights out and cried.  It was stupid but no matter how much he tried he just couldn’t make the tears stop.  He understood why Kakashi acted the way he did when Gai arrived but that didn’t mean he wasn’t hurt by it.  He had let himself become vulnerable.  He had opened himself to the other man, fully and wholeheartedly.  He basically bore his soul to him.  And in return it had felt like his heart had been ripped out and stomped on in front of him. He was fairly certain that hadn’t been Kakashi's intent but what else had Iruka been expecting? It wasn’t like the mysterious copy nin was going to suddenly change his protective habits for a measly chuunin pre-genin instructor.  

Iruka had practically said the equivalent to a love confession and so of course that would force the other man to recede back into his mask of aloofness. That was what his logical brain was telling him.  His heart had a different story.  He remembered the other’s touch.  He could still feel those strong arms wrapped around him and how good they felt. He would wrap his own arms around his waist as a way to remember. He could still feel the phantom presence of his thumb caressing his cheek. He would clench his chest as he could still feel how the two had been drawing closer towards one another. It was foolish to start thinking that maybe, just maybe, they would have kissed if there hadn’t been any interruption.  But what would have happened afterwards? Would it have just been once or would there have been more? He knew for certain that if they had their friendship would never be the same, it couldn’t.  This wasn’t like a drunken dare or one off moment of curiosity or desperate need like it had been with him, Genma and Anko in their youth. With Kakashi there was no denying that it would be something more. But was that what he wanted? What about Kakashi? If they had kissed they wouldn’t be able to pretend like it had never happened. Iruka would hate it if that came to pass. He also wasn’t sure if they wanted their friendship to change. 

Things had been great as they were but now everything felt so messed up.  He hated feeling so helpless. He hated being so weak. He hated it all. And most of all he hated that Kakashi was being an ass and leaving him to his thoughts of uncertainties. It was highly likely that he was being detained by Gai yet again but he needed to make himself feel angry because it was a whole lot better than hopeless.

His students even noticed that there was something wrong with their sensei.  When he didn’t yell at Konohamaru over a prank they were all shocked.  In fact that made them all very somber and behave.  They all liked it when he reprimanded the third hokage’s grandson and everyone knew he liked the attention it brought him. They didn’t dare ask what was wrong with their teacher, but word did travel fast at the academy and it didn’t take long before Anko got wind of it.

At first he was reluctant to tell her what was wrong.  He didn’t want her to harass Kakashi like he knew she would. It wasn’t like Kakashi rejected him or dissolved their friendship. But eventually after her repeated pestering, and then Genma eventually joining her in cornering him in his temporary classroom, he broke down and told them everything that had happened.  He was surprised how silent they both had been, neither interjecting and allowing him to say everything without interruption. He was more shocked when neither of his best friends declared to hunt Kakashi down and defend his honor like he was some hapless virgin, demanding the jounin do something to fix things.  Instead they decided to purchase a few bottles of sake and take out and spend time with him that night.

They sat on the floor of Iruka’s living room. The two were constantly filling and refilling his glass. They knew getting him plastered was a temporary fix but they would take care of their brother no matter what. They would make sure he wasn’t alone until he was feeling a bit more secure with himself and his feelings, or at least until Kakashi manned up and spoke to him.

“So he really is that sexy without the mask?” Genma asked. Iruka nodded in response. He grabbed another dumpling, though his movements were a bit unsteady due to the alcohol. Leave it to Anko to insist on purchasing the strong stuff.

“I knew it! It’s so obvious, especially when it rains.  That mask clings to his face and you can see the outline of his jaw.  Total pretty boy. Not my type though.” Anko regretting saying that, immediately back peddling.  “Not that there’s anything wrong with you liking that, Ruki-chan. You know I like my men to not look like they stepped out of a manga.”

Iruka and Genma rolled their eyes. “And yet that guy you slept with just last week was clearly not your type.” Anko pouted and stuck her tongue out at them. “Put that thing away woman, we all know where that’s been.”

“I seem to remember you liking it, Genni.”

“I was 17 and drunk. Of course I would like it.”

They all laughed and continued to joke about. Even though occasionally Kakashi’s name came up it helped to have them there with him.  They distracted him from being alone with his thoughts and for that he was grateful. Anko and Genma filled him in on all the latest juicy gossip.  They shared who was dating who, the latest gambling loss that caused another one of Tsunade’s infamous tirades, and even how the rebuilding projects were going in the other parts of the village. Having their company was a much welcomed change and it was making him feel better. Or maybe it was the alcohol.  Anko always did pick the best stuff.

Genma narrowed his eyes and looked over at Iruka’s door.  He held his hand when they asked him what was wrong.  He pointed to his ear, signally them to listen.  They all heard it then, the light scratching. He told them to stay seated as he got up. Iruka and Anko watched in drunken anticipation as Genma opened the door.

“You’re not sensei!”

Iruka immediately recognized the voice as belonging to one of Kakashi’s dogs.  He tried to get up to his feet and bit too quickly, only to fall over.  Anko pointed at him and cackled.

“Hey ‘Ru-ru, why is there a talking dog at your door?” Genma’s drunken mind didn’t feel like sorting out who’s ninken it was.  It could process that a talking dog was infact a real thing and not a sake induced delirium.

“So Iruka-sensei is here!” Bisuke didn’t wait to be invited in.  He bolted inside the apartment, causing Genma to lose his balance a bit and hand onto the door to steady himself.  He spotted Iruka laying on the floor and jumped onto him. “Sensei, I found you! I found you!” The pup wagged his tail and panted happily.

“Ruki-poo wasn’t missing.” Anko narrowed her eyes at the dog. “Leave it to that coward to send a mutt to do a man’s job.”

Iruka tried his best to sit up semi gracefully. He wrapped his arms around Bisuke a little protectively. The dog wagged his tail more and licked his chin. “There’s probably a good explanation as to why Kakashi sent Bisuke.” He looked down at the dog. His eyes gave the ninken a pleading look. “Right?”

Genma joined them once more and now they all looked at the dog with anticipation. Bisuke was clearly enjoying the attention and nuzzled against Iruka’s chest. “Yep yep! Boss gave me a very important mission and the rest of the pack are so jealous. I get to go see sensei and they don’t! Well Pakkun isn't but that’s just him.”

“Who knew you had such a fanclub, sensei.” Anko couldn't help but snicker a little at Genma’s words. “Now we can add animals to the list. Pregnant women, single parents, children and now dogs.” Bisuke took at as a compliment and continued to nuzzle against his favorite person.

“So… what is this important mission that idiot sent you here for?” Leave it to the snake user to bluntly get to the point. Iruka was genuinely nervous and curious at the same time to know why Bisuke had been sent. He instinctively held onto the animal tighter.

“Right!” Bisuke reluctantly wiggled free and scratched at his forehead protector. A folded piece of paper dropped onto Iruka’s lap. “Gai won't let Boss leave still and he’s really upset. He’s really worried about sensei so he sent me to keep him company! Sensei is my favorite so I was so happy that he picked me.” He pawed at the paper. “He even wrote you a love letter, sensei!”

Iruka was absolutely mortified. It was already bad enough that the ninken were convinced he and Kakashi were mates, but to say anything that applied that in front of both Genma  _ and _ Anko was an absolute nightmare. He wanted to crawl away and hideout everything that was about to come. The kunoichi flashed a wicked grin and snatched the note before Iruka could.

“Hey, that note's for sensei!” 

“Don't you also want to know what it says?” Damn Genma for playing off Bisuke’s curiosity. “We'll read it out loud so that way we all know.” He looked at the senbon user skeptically before looking up at Iruka. The teacher smiled and patted his head, letting him know he could trust Genma. However he knew they were going to read it anyway.

She unfolded the note and cleared her throat. “Ah he hem. My dearest Iruka. Oh how I long to see you, to touch your caramel skin and gaze upon that phat ass!.” She couldn't keep a straight face and lost herself to a fit of giggles. The senbon user was right there with her. Iruka felt himself shrinking.

Bisuke blinked and tilted his head to the side. Clearly he was confused. “Is that really what it says?”

Anko held the paper out to Iruka. “I wish! I can't read his chicken scratch. Only Iruka knows how to decode this.”

He felt all eyes on him as he took the paper. The ninken circled on his lap and sat down. He swallowed hard and scanned the letter. Clearly Kakashi had indeed tried to write neatly but it was still a mess. He sighed in relief that nothing Anko said was actually there. He couldn't help but grin stupidly as he continued to read.

“Tell us already!” 

Iruka rub at his scar and gave a nervous laugh. Damn his friends were impatient. But sometimes he needed that to be a kick in the pants but today wasn't really one of those times. He slumped his shoulder. He knew there was no way he could get of this so it was wiser to admit defeat and give them what they wanted.

“First he said he was sorry for everything- about how things ended and for not being in contact until now. He's taking a risk sending Bisuke because Gai is being a helicopter parent but he needed to do something.” 

“Is that all?” Anko did not look impressed. “That’s basically what the dog said. Lame!”

“There’s a little bit more. He added that he wants Bisuke to keep me company for a while because he feels bad, but to also act as a messenger.”

“Oh god this is so gross! Just like a sappy chick flick.” Anko punched Genma in the arm for the comment. Iruka just shook his head.

“Tsunade will most likely deem him ready for active duty within the next day or so. Once that happens it's very likely he won't be in the village much. And… that’s about it.”

The dog barked happily. He liked hearing that he was getting to spend time with the teacher. However Anko stared at him, her eyes fixated on the paper. She then hiccuped and it surprised her. “Ruki-poo, I feel like you are leaving something out.” She let out another hiccup and then proceeded to cure it with more booze.

Iruka looked away and rubbed the back of his head. His skin already had a flush from the alcohol but now it turned a dark shade of red as he blushed. “Well..  uh… he would like me to write him something back if I want. Like  _ really _ wants me to.”

Genma groaned. “He wants to use his dog to pass love notes. What is he, 7?” 

  
  


Kakashi was restless. His nerves were on edge because he was waiting for an update from Bisuke. He was certain the dog would find Iruka’s home- his ninken rivaled the Inuzuka clan in tracking ability. He just hated not being in control of a situation and forced to be left to ponder what if’s. Any time his mind was left to its own devices was never a good thing. And right now was one of those times. He couldn't help but think that Iruka was actually mad at him. Or maybe Bisuke was discovered by Tsunade, but he would have heard her approaching by now, and that was if she didn't send someone to summon him.

He laid in bed, needing a break from Gai. He lied and said he needed to take a nap, again,  just so he could have a little bit of time to himself. He knew the other had good intentions but he was not a fan of being under house arrest in his own home… but he had a feeling that was more Tsunade’s doing than Gai’s. 

Bull sat up and padded softly over to only window in his room. This made Kakashi sit up. He quickly went over and opened it. Bisuke jumped down from with ledge and onto his nightstand.

“Report.” He felt like an antsy child waiting to open a present. He needed to know everything- how Iruka looked, how he sounded, was he in a good mood, etc.

The dog looked down at his front paws. “Sensei got your message.” This was not a good sign. Bisuke had been so excited to see Iruka. To see him now somber was quite the contrast and that scarred him. He knew the other wouldn't say or do anything to upset the ninken but something went wrong. Kakashi’s plan rarely ever went wrong.

_ Don't tell me Tsunade actually caught him! My pack are smarter than to let than happen so easily. _

“And?” Bisuke seemed distraught.  Kakashi gently stroked the top of his head. That seemed to help him a little. “Did Iruka get the letter at least?”

“Yep yep. I was so happy to see him and he was happy to see me, at least I think he was. He just wasn't alone and they all smelled like sake.”

His chest tightened hearing that Iruka wasn't alone. At the same time he felt himself starting to become angry. Was this jealousy? He was mad that he wasn't with Iruka and even more so that someone else was. A quick thought about murdering said individual flashed in his mind but he forced it to go away. He shouldn't jump to conclusions. He knew Iruka had many platonic friends. He decided to press for details.

“Sensei seemed like he has been sad like you. He also looked really tired and red, but that could also be from the drinking. But the senbon guy and snake lady kept making him laugh a lot and he gave me a pork dumpling. It was really tasty!”

He was able to let out the breath he had been holding. He no longer needed to murder Anko and Genma. It made him feel a little better that they were there with him. He knew the three were a trio of trouble, with Kakashi knowing that Iruka was just as devilish as the other two and not as prude as he led others to believe. He loved seeing that twinkle in his eye when he would plot a prank or a new antic for the other two to pull off. He loved watching Iruka’s mind work and how he had been able to practically become a master of traps and barriers because of it.

“What about the letter? Did Iruka say anything about it?”

“They made him read it out loud.  I wanted to know too. The snake lady tried but she couldn't read it. It made him smile a lot, but the senbon guy said you’re using me to pass love letters. I think it's sweet and sensei just turned more red. He had to sneak writing in the bathroom and make sure they were distracted before sending me away. They probably won't be happy once they realize I left.”

Kakashi was annoyed that others knew what he had written.  He wanted that to be private and just between them. He was not using his dog to send love letters. It was just a practical solution for his current predicament. He wasn't able to leave except to visit Tsunade, and Gai had to accompany him. He didn't want Iruka to come over and be forced to deal with the taijutsu master. Both situations prevented them from spending time with each other alone. In his mind this way the best resolution he could come up with. And Bisuke was more than willing to help. Win win, he thought.

Kakashi went to the hitai-ate and smiled when he found something.  It was apparently a folded napkin, but he wasn’t judging. He opened it and his grin grew.  Bisuke wagged his tail expectantly.  “Boss, what’s it say? What’s it say?”

_ Kakashi, _

_ Better late than never! Thank you and apology accepted. See me before you leave for your mission or don’t be surprised to find dye in your shampoo! ^_^v _

Apparently drunk Iruka was quite charming, at least that’s what the quickly scribbled note implied.  It made him chuckle softly. He needed to see this side of him in person in order to see if it matched up with his mind’s image. He scribbled on the back on the napkin before attaching back into its hiding place. “I’m forgiven. Now go and keep him company tonight.”

  
  


When Bisuke returned to Iruka’s the trio were clearly very inebriated. Iruka wrapped his arms around the animal and hugged him close like a pillow, to which the ninken happily allowed. Anko and Genma had been upset that Iruka had been able to send correspondence right under their nose.  Apparently Genma had wanted to give his approval before hand while Anko want to send her own choice words.  She actually stood and declared that she would “walk over there and drag his boney ass over here herself” but Iruka still had enough wits left to be able to bribe her with dango when he go his next paycheck. She was easily bought like that, drunk or not.

Iruka lovingly scratched at Bisuke’s ears while the other two shinobi challenged each other to bizarre feats of skill. This made both Iruka and Bisuke made noises of glee at their entertainment. When Anko lost the third game in a row she announced that the game was fixed. Iruka was then coerced to join so Genma could prove that she was just a sore loser. Iruka beat him in first contest (a walking handstand) and when they tried to get her attention, she was passed out on the floor.  At least Bisuke barked in appreciation.

Genma ended up crashing on the couch not long after.  That was his cue to finally head to bed, He contemplated cleaning up their meal but decided it could wait.  He picked up his furry companion and carried him to his room, to which Bisuke was more than thrilled about. Oh how he would gloat about this to his fellow pack members, hoping to make them jealous. Iruka set the animal down on his bed before carelessly stripping off his uniform.  That was no easy task as he was very intoxicated but his coordination wasn't completely gone. 

Deciding that sleeping in only his boxer briefs was enough, since trying to put on clothes would be far more difficult and exhausting, he crawled into bed and slipped under the top sheet.  He patted a spot on the mattress by his chest. He wanted to snuggle with him, though the drunken recesses of his brain deemed that Bisuke was a poor substitute for his master. Drunk Iruka was a hopeless romantic. He was the type of sap that thought cradling Kakashi’s summon would bring himself closer to the older man. Sober Iruka would not only find this utterly ridiculous but call himself a fool for indulging himself.

Bisuke happily sped over to him and nestled into the crook of Iruka’s arm. He nuzzled against the other’s bare shoulder. “You’re so warm, sensei. Boss is going to be so jealous that I get to snuggle with you.” Iruka couldn't help but let out a soft laugh.

“That’s his own fault. He could have snuck out and I would totally cuddle with him right now. His loss.” He felt the dog nodd and nuzzle him once more. The feeling of another presence next to him in bed was strangely comforting. He yawned and wrapped his arms around him.

“Oh sensei…” the dog yawned. “I forgot to tell you that Boss gave me another message. You were having too much fun earlier.” A big cheesy grin tugged at Iruka’s mouth. He reached under the hitae-ate and pulled out the same napkin he had used. His smile only grew. As sleep pulled him, he wrapped his arms around Bisuke and held him close.

  
_ I wouldn’t dream of skipping out on you. Just don't use pink. I don’t want to make Sakura look bad. _


	6. Distance makes the heart grow fonder

Just as Kakashi suspected, not a second after he was declared fit enough to resume active duty Tsunade already had a mission lined up for him. Saying that he was just a little annoyed was putting it lightly. He was flat out pissed as hell. He was finally off the the leash that Gai put him on which was no doubt an S-Rank mission she assigned him to. What did that truly say about him that he wasn't allowed to take care of himself? He would have to reexamine that at another time, preferably when he wasn't feeling the urge to strangle the legendary healer.

“You leave out in one hour. Go back home and pack.”

“No.”

That answer surprised him. He was still going to take the mission he just had hoped for more time beforehand. He had plans. Well, more like he had plans to have plans and they included enjoying his first taste of freedom in his favorite tree, reading his favorite book, that just so happened to be on the academy grounds with a direct view into Iruka’s classroom. He would read a little, or fake it and people watch. Then when class was over he would work up the nerve to take him out for a meal and maybe a walk. He wanted to spend his time how he saw fit and that meant with Iruka.

“I did not just hear that, brat.” He could feel her narrowed eyes trying to drill holes into his skull. He heard the soft tapping of her nails on the wood of her desk.

“I am not refusing the mission.” he clarified. “I simply will not be leaving in an hour.”

He held his ground and stared back at her. He kept his face blank and his posture slouched to present his trademark bored demeanor. His hokage leaned forward, elbows on the desk, her chin resting in her hands. “Why?” She asked. “Why now with the sudden rebellious attitude? I would have thought you would be jumping at the bit to leave after being under house arrest for so long. Unless…” She paused and he could see her start to smile. He didn't show it but her sly smirk made him slightly uncomfortable. He would not give her the satisfaction of knowing that she had gotten under his skin. “Three hours. That is all you get. I will inform your team and you better be on time.”

She couldn't see it but under his mask he was grinning. He could work with that.

Apparently something was in the water because all of his students were unruly today, not just the usual suspects. He was about ready to pull his hair out. No one would sit still, no one would listen to the lecture but instead incessantly interrupt with ridiculous questions. He decided to take them outside for drills and weapons training. Typically this would be a way to get rid of their excess energy and tired them out.

Except it didn't. It had the reverse effect. He was constantly pulling students apart and off one another, applying first aid to even some of his most promising pupils, or chasing after those who thought they could sneak away from under his nose. He swore that he would not use barrier seals and traps on his students but now he was starting to reconsider her personal teaching philosophy. He pinched the bridge of his nose to fight off a headache for what felt like the hundredth time. “That’s it.” he muttered to himself. He cleared his throat and used the authoritative tone that he reserved for the most unruly jounin and what earned him the distinct honor of being the “terror of the mission room”. He was able to get all their attention, even if it was only for a moment, and announced that they would be having an essay exam about proper shinobi etiquette tomorrow before he dismissed them early.

He let out a deep sigh. He had never been so thankful to not have mission desk duty nor needed to assist in the rebuilding process tonight. He didn't think he would be able to handle anymore unwanted stress. He moved to pick up the storage crate that housed the practice implements and froze seeing it missing. Even though they were heavily modified to not have a cutting edge as a way to prevent major harm they were still tools of the trade.

“I'm on a time limit so I thought I would speed up the process and clean up for you. Plus, you really look like you need a break.”

Hearing that lazy drawl he quickly spun around, coming face to face with the bane of his existence as of late. And by bane he meant the man who haunted his dreams every night and even started to creep into his day dreams. He smiled but then it faltered when he saw that he was dressed in his uniform.

“You have to go on a mission, don't you?” Why did he sound so sad? Missions were their job assignments, and someone as skilled as the other would be called to serve often. He was just foolish to think maybe it wouldn't be so soon.

“Why hello, Kakashi. Thank you so much for being such an amazing person and picking up after my hoard of wild animals.” Kakashi mocked with obvious sarcasm. His eye was closed and from the crease in the corner of his visible eye he was clearly smiling. Iruka rolled his eyes and lightly tapped his shoulder with his fist.

“Even when you do a kind gesture, must you really be a jerk about it?” Iruka looked away, feeling a bit awkward. He also wasn't sure how to act or what to say now. He hated feeling like a teenager again.

Kakashi could sense tension snaking its way between them and he didn't want that to happen. “No rest for the weary, unfortunately. I was able to convince Tsunade to delay my departure, even if It’s only for a couple hours.” The teacher looked up at him. He could clearly see sadness in his eyes. Before Iruka could say anything, he held up his hand to stop him. “Like I said, I am on a time limit so instead of wasting it here I had another venue in mind. You better keep up.”

Iruka blinked and Kakashi was gone. He looked around and saw him taking to the rooftops. “Stupid jounin and their need to show off.” He smiled and followed after him.

It was like a rather flirtatious game of tag. Whenever he would catch up close enough to him, Kakashi would wave at him, tap his shoulder and dart off again. It made him laugh to see such a playful side of the other. It wasn't long before Iruka found himself at the top of the hokage monument. Of course Kakashi was already there and looking as if he hadn't just been darting across the village. What surprised him was that he was seated on a stone slab with a bag next time him. Iruka rose his eyebrow but went over to him. He made to sit on the other side of the bag but Kakashi slid it and himself over leaving no other option but for them to sit next to each other.

“For heaven's sake, really? Just say you want me to sit next to you.” he laughed. “You are worse than my students sometimes.”

“But it's so much more fun my way.”

He pulled out containers from Ichiraku. This caused Iruka to pardon him since his students can't afford to bribe him with ramen. He pulled down his mask and the two began to eat and converse. Kakashi was adamant in that his students were conspiring against him on purpose today and swore he had no part in it. Iruka rolled his eyes and smiled brightly, believing him.

A calm silence fell upon them as they stared at the view. Their village had almost completely rebuilt itself in record time. There were barely any signs of what had befallen in. It had been many years since Iruka had been able to just sit and take in the sights and sounds of the home he loved. This had been a perfect way to decompress. The company also helped.

He felt something warm cover his hand. It pulled him out of his trance. He looked down and saw Kakashi’s gloved hand covering his. His eyes trailed up and could see that the other was staring out at the the village just as he had. A light tinge of flush dusted the top of his ears.

“Thank you for letting me be selfish.” Kakashi continued to stare out in front of him as he spoke. “Tsunade is worried about war coming. She needs everyone she can spare, so I’ll be gone for at least a month, maybe more. But as soon as I return she’ll send me right back out again. I wanted my only moments of freedom to be worth it.”

Iruka felt his face heat up. He wasn't surprised that Kakashi would be put to work as much as the other anticipated. He was one of the most powerful and gifted shinobi around, not just in their village. It would be a waste to not maximize his use. What did catch Iruka by surprise was that he wanted to spend what little time he had with him. He was both honored and unworthy at the same time. He had learned very early on that Kakashi did not do things without a reason, a result of spending most his life on the battlefield making decision that wasted little and extremely efficient.

It was now his turn to look away. He wiggled his fingers ever so slightly and intertwined them with his pale ones. Kakashi stiffened slightly but soon relaxed. He squeezed their hands together and the two sat in silence. It was strange because it was foreign but it did not feel wrong. It felt far from that. It felt right.

Soon reality returned and Kakashi started to get up. He refused to let go of Iruka’s hand. The teacher could not help but let out a soft, warm laugh. The action struck him as similar to a child not wanting to let go of their favorite thing. He watched as Kakashi pulled out his mission pack from its hiding place near their spot. He slung it over his shoulder and stood up. He beckoned Iruka to do the same. They both didn't look each other in the eye, unable how to put into words what was racing through each of their respective minds.

Soon Iruka stepped closer, into his personal space. He wrapped his free arm around Kakashi’s shoulder and pulled him into a hug. He reciprocated almost instantly. “Will you let me know when you're back?” He knew it was foolish to ask such a thing but he didn't care. If Kakashi got to be selfish then damn it, he wanted to be as well. He felt the arm around him pull him closer.

“If I can avoid reporting directly to the hokage, you will be the first person I see. And even if I can't get out of it I’ll find you as soon as I can.”

Iruka couldn't help but smile. His stomach felt like it was fluttering and twisting in knots all at the same time. It wasn't unpleasant and he quite liked the warmth that settled there. He clutched at the back of the other's vest. “Thank you for letting me be selfish.” 

They stayed like that for as long as they could but eventually Kakashi had to pull away. Iruka was reluctant to let go but he knew he had to. He let his hand slowly slip from the others, but only when their fingers could no longer touch. Kakashi gave him a bittersweet smile before hiding it from the world once one. Iruka blinked and then he was alone.

 

  
Iruka was extremely thankful for his daily routines: wake up just after sunrise, stretch and practice kata then either yoga or cardio (depending on the day), shower, coffee and breakfast, teach those darling hell-raisers (he really did love them), mission desk duty or train at one of the practice fields if he didn’t have a shift, dinner and grade, bed, and repeat. It kept him focused until he was alone bed. That was when he would become distracted. He would lay in bed, stare up at his ceiling and wonder. Was he ok? What was he doing right now? He never used to worry about Kakashi before, or at least not anymore than he would worry about anyone else that wasn’t Naruto. He knew the older man could take care of himself quite well. He wouldn’t be in so many bingo books if he wasn’t highly capable.

He never doubted Kakashi’s skills as a shinobi. In fact he wasn’t even in awe like most. Sure he had an impressive and unique skill set but in Iruka’s mind he was just another nin, albeit one that was extremely good at his job. He never thought of things like rank, bloodline limits, special techniques as something to cling to or hold above others. He just had a very equalist view. To him those things did not define a person but instead their character and devotion to their village. That was why he would be offended when some jounin would try to belittle him for being a chuunin and an academy instructor, thinking he was just a weakling with no drive. That would be when he would make it very clear that his role in serving the village was at its very foundation and if he had a child he would never want them to be taught by someone with such disregard for their comrades. It also helped that he had many friends among every rank that would back him up if needed. It was the fact that he treated everyone at the same level that he had so many friends and was given a higher security clearance than most of the other mission room workers.

It was also why Kakashi liked him. The other had made that known to him after the chuunin exam argument. It was rare for someone to treat him like a regular human being and he gravitated towards Iruka, hoping it wasn’t a one off moment. They both had been happily surprised- Iruka that Kakashi wasn’t always an ass and that he had a very dry sense of humor that he adored, and Kakashi that Iruka only cared about his self worth and not his reputation, plus a trickster side he found massively appealing.

Now Iruka was finding himself falling down a deep dark rabbit hole. He was caring for Kakashi as more than just a friend. He was caring about him more than Naruto, and he decided his former student was his little brother long before he became a genin. He had been avoiding this subject, thinking it was just a fleeting crush simply because his opinion of him had changed. It wasn’t until he was standing alone atop the hokage monument staring out in the direction the other had went off to that he realized it. He couldn’t ignore it anymore and it was pointless to even try. All the nervousness, exhilaration, butterflies in his stomach, desire to always spend time together, feeling upset when they had to part, wanting to feel those hands touching his skin, hear that nasally laugh, and have those thin lips pressed against his own... He was in love.

 

  
This month was hell for Kakashi. He was extremely irritable for no explainable reason. He found fault in every little thing, nitpicked every detail. Even the bland ration bars he was so accustomed to lost the minuscule amount of flavor they had. He already had trouble sleeping at night to begin with but now it was verging on next to impossible. He was extremely surprised he didn’t have a mutiny on his hands.

He wasn’t on watch but he still laid awake. He stared up at the starry sky. He couldn’t help but think about how he would much rather be doing this outside of a mission, and how he would want to do that with Iruka laying next to him. He had taken a risk by touching his hand. For him it was almost like life or death but he figured that since it was usually considered such an insignificant thing, if Iruka had an issue with it he could just play it off as a mistake. Iruka reciprocating the gesture shot bolts of electricity through him that were more powerful than anything his lighting nature could create. Even now he would catch himself periodically staring at his hand, remembering the warmth and feel of their fingers lacing together. He would also remember the feeling of his arms wrapped around him; how solid he was. It was weird to associate Iruka with that word but he didn’t know any other way to describe it. He was like a rock holding Kakashi in place in all the best possible ways.

By giving into his selfishness he knew he was playing with fire. He knew getting attached could be a hazard, not only to himself but to Iruka as well. He had a lot of enemies who would love to exploit any weakness he had, and many of those same people wouldn’t hesitate to go after someone he cared for. That was why he never attempted any sort of meaningful relationship with anyone. That didn’t mean he was a stranger to sex, but they only occurred on missions when he and a teammate felt the itch, it was needed as part of the assignment, or he was so far removed from anyone who would recognize him. He didn’t have a gender preference and he was a switch, so he didn’t care which role he took on with his partners; though he ended up being a top most of the time.

He felt like he finally wanted what everyone else had. He wanted to be happy, like truly happy. He wanted someone to ground him and chase away the darkness. He wanted to be that for someone else. It wasn’t until he got to know Iruka that he finally felt something for another person. He didn’t understand those emotions at first and he couldn’t trust Icha Icha as a valid reference source. Even he knew it was purely fantastical smut. He took a page out of Sai’s book so to speak and read up on the concepts of interpersonal communication, relationships, and love. Being trapped in his home gave him plenty of time to read, as well as listen to the opinions of his ninken on those subjects. They were far wiser than some of the snotty scholarly authors.

No matter how much he wanted to just get right up into Iruka’s face, drag him off somewhere with a lockable door, kiss him all the breathe was removed from his body and hide away from the rest of the world, he couldn’t bring himself to do act on anything more than childish hand holding. He was afraid. For the first time that he could remember he was honestly afraid. NOt that anyone would harm him because he knew the chuunin could hold his own. No, he was scared that he would hurt him. He knew he wasn’t the best person to be around at times. Being alone and self-reliant for so long, it’s difficult to break habits. He tended to pull away even more than normal when he was upset and he knew that would be detrimental for a relationship. He tended to push buttons and go to far, usually because he could and even when he knew he should stop. He knew he could be blunt and a cold heartless bastard- he had many who had crushes on him try to insult him with that distinction. It never worked because he honestly didn’t care what they thought. Iruka’s has been the only opinion that has ever mattered to him in recent years.

He knew he promised that he would seek him out once he got back, and he intended to keep that promise. He just didn’t know what he would do after that. It was all linked to his irrational fear. He couldn’t keep him at arm’s length- the teacher would be pissed at him for that and he would hate himself even more for doing it. But he also knew that too much had happened recently for them to ignore and return to the platonic friendship of before. If he listened to his pack then that platonic element was never there to begin with.

He needed this mission to be over quickly. It was a bit morbid that he wanted it to cause him some harm but it would force him to stay home again. If it happened and he was forced to have a caretaker he was damn sure going to be involved in that decision making process. He did not have a doctor or nurse fantasy involving Iruka- that type of thing didn’t do anything for him outside of a few good laughs from Jiraiya’s novels. The real thing was far superior. Just having a touch from the other and feeling the warmth of his skin was plenty to fuel his imagination and many late night fantasies when he was alone and able to concede to his selfish desires. And not having been able to do so since starting this mission also added to his cranky attitude.


	7. Injuries and cowardice make peculiar bedfellows

His mission went to shit. Actually, saying it went to shit was putting it lightly.  Their intel had been wrong in classifying the mission as an A-rank. It should have definitely been an S-rank and a three man cell was completely outnumbered. But they were able to scrape through by the skin of their teeth, kicking and scratching their way through the rag-tag group of rogues to finish their objective and also make it back in relatively one piece. There weren’t any casualties on his team luckily but by no means did they make it out of there unharmed. The younger jounin had a serious wound to his shoulder, the chuunin had a broken arm and hand, and Kakashi (aside from the usually chakra depletion) had a dislocated shoulder and possibly a broken rib or two.

It was the dead of night and two weeks past their original arrival time when they entered Konoha’s gates.  He directed his teammates to go to the hospital and for the jounin to report to Tsunade from there.  He reassured them that he did not need to go to the hospital and would be fine with some rest. He had no intention of being in such a sterile and cold environment. He wanted to be somewhere that held warmth and would allow him to truly rest and recover. He took to the rooftops, stumbling as the lack of chakra caused him to lose his footing every now and then. From the direction he was coming from he would be arriving at the back of the building and not the front entrance but he didn’t care.  He didn’t have enough energy for that.  His will power was keeping him afloat just enough to sense which room contained its occupant and he went to that room’s window. Kakashi placed his hand on the glass pane and sent out tiny pulses of his remaining chakra.  He didn’t want to startle him by banging and creating a ruckus. He needed to get his attention but he didn’t want to alert the whole neighborhood.

Iruka had been fast asleep.  His hair was out of his ponytail and fanned out over his pillow and part of his arm.  His natural body temperature always ran hot so he usually slept in his underwear and half under a sheet. In his home he was usually a heavy sleeper but he felt a sudden tingling and pull across his skin.  It was weak but he could feel the electricity bouncing off his flesh and wrapping around him is a way that was pleasant and felt both soothing and intense at the same time.  He slowly opened his eyes as his brain registered the pulsing of someone else’s chakra.  It made his skin come alive as it mixed with his natural fire and water elements. It was almost like a silent knocking, requesting his attention. He slipped his hand under his mattress and grabbed the kunai he kept there. Hesitantly he made his way through the darkness to his bedroom window.

He rubbed his eyes and set the weapon down. upon recognition of who had awoken him  He grabbed the bottom of his window and lifted it open.  He reached out to the other and helped pull him inside. Kakashi let out a hiss as his hurt shoulder contorted and hands pressed against his sides. Once he was inside he let his head rest on Iruka’s bare shoulder and clung to him.  His skin was warm against his and now he could feel how surprising smooth and taut the bare flesh was.  Iruka wrapped his arms around him and held him, his hands going to the wild mess of silver locks.

“You’re late, but when is that ever new.” Iruka’s voice was still a bit groggy with sleep.  Reluctantly he pulled himself away but just enough so that he could get a better look at the other.  He touched his face tenderly and smiled. “Seriously, you’re late.” He looked down and was thankful that the darkness hid the blush that now covered his face.  “I was worried, you know.”

Kakashi reached up and pressed his palm against Iruka’s cheek. “Told you I would find you first if I could avoid reporting in,” He tried to chuckle but winched and hunched over a little. He could feel the other scolding him with his eyes but he knew it wasn’t serious.  He felt Iruka guide him to sit down at the edge of the bed before darting off to another room for a moment. When the lights of room came on, he shielded his eyes from the sudden intrusion of light. Iruka set the kit on the bed and stood in front of Kakashi. He reached behind and undid the protector before letting it fall to the floor. He then paused for a moment before going to his flak vest.

“You know sensei, this is not how I had imagined you stripping me in your bed.”  Even though his voice was light and teasing there was some hidden truth to that statement. This really had not been the way he had fantasized this type of situation all mission.  Granted he hadn’t intended to act on it but his imagination tended to be quite vivid and ran wild. He looked up and saw Iruka’s state of dress and did his best to turn the other away. Seeing his caramel colored skin and the defined muscles that were normally hidden by that baggy standard issue uniform was far better than any guess he could have made. He tried not to make it obvious as he eyes trailed across his broad shoulders, down the slightly wider torso than his own, the defined pectorals and abdomen, the light trail of chestnut brown hair from just below his navel that disappeared behind the waistband of his boxer-briefs.  He memorized the thickness of his thighs, how strong and sturdy were his calves and down to the tips of his toes.

Iruka rolled his eyes. “I’ll send you the cleaning bill.” He touched Kakashi’s jaw.  That caused him to turn his head his way.  Kakashi knew opening his left eye would be a major drain to his already low system but he needed to record this.  He blinked a few times and had his mismatched orbs lock onto dark muddy pools filled with warmth and concern. If Iruka was put off by seeing Obito’s gaze, he didn’t show it.  The hand on Kakashi’s face stroked him through the mask. “Where are you hurt?”

Kakashi never broke eye contact, ignoring the pain keeping both eyes open caused. He wanted to imprint in his mind the adonis before him for as long as possible. He tilted his head to the right. “Shoulder’s dislocated.  Wasn’t able to reset it properly in the field. Ribs on same side are either badly bruised, maybe a couple cracked or broken.” He let his eyes quickly scan over Iruka before the pull of the sharingan was too much and he was forced to close his eyes.

Iruka didn’t say anything. He let his hands unzip the vest and very carefully helped the other out of it. He then grabbed the hem of his uniform shirt and lifted it up as best as he could without causing too much distress.  The sight of his flat, pale stomach made Iruka pause. He felt his breath catch in his throat. He closed his eyes and forced himself to resume breathing, slowly this time, before he continued to help him undress.  The noise the other made caused him to open his eyes and become concerned before he was reassured and urged to continue.

He couldn’t help but drink in the sight of the other man. Sure Kakashi had come to his place injured (usually far worse) but he was always in some state of dress when he would tend to him.  He usually changed into a spare set of Iruka’s clothes in the privacy of the bathroom, so having him in his bed and stripping him was definitely new.  Even though the other had joked about the situation, he couldn’t help but agree- this would not be the ideal way to have Kakashi in his bed.  He was doing everything in his power to make sure that desire did not make itself obvious. This was already awkward enough and he didn’t need his body to make it even more so.

He laid his hand on the injured shoulder.  He bit his bottom lip and looked over at Kakashi. He didn’t need to say anything because they both knew what Iruka was asking. The jounin nodded. Iruka gently placed Kakashi’s other hand on his shoulder before place both of his hands in place. He silently mouth a three count before pushing the joint back into place.  The cry that left the older man’s throat caused a pain in his chest.  Iruka quickly activated the healing palm technique and pushed his chakra into the injury to both heal and smooth as best as he could.

Kakashi watched him work, never breaking his physical contact with the other. He could feel the other’s energy pouring into him and that helped him relax better than any drug the hospital could provide. He felt a warm ocean wave wash over him and seep down into his core. His eyes were fixated on Iruka’s face, studying every crease of his brow, contour of his face as he concentrated. He was in awe.  Maybe it was due to how exhausted he was or because of the intimacy of their current situation but Kakashi never thought the man looked more stunning than he did at that moment.

Iruka let out a heavy sigh.  The soft green glow dissipated and he pushed his hair back out of his face. He had done all he could.  For now all that was left was to bandage his ribs to keep pressure on them before Kakashi could go to the hospital.  He made a move to step away from the other but felt the hand on his shoulder firmly hold him in place. He looked over as the hand slide over his collarbone, up the side of his neck before cupping the back of his head. He could feel the other pulling him down and he didn’t fight it, he wouldn’t fight it.

He touched Kakashi’s face as he felt thin lips press against his own. His eyes drift closed and he let himself be lost in the feeling. A warmth seemed to fill him and he was suddenly hit with a surge of energy. It was just like before- that electricity mingling and intertwining with his own. Kakashi felt it as well and it was unlike anything he had felt before, like a hot ocean wave that crashed and crackled as it came into contact with his own energy. He snaked his other arm around Iruka’s waist and pulled him closer. He could feel fingers weave into his hair as he racked his across tan flesh.

Soon they both needed air and were forced to part. Kakashi kept him close and Iruka made no intention to pull away. He smoothed those untameable silver locks as his eyes were wild, pupils blown from the rush they both experienced. Kakashi could only guess that his eye mirrored his. He could see his chest rising and falling quickly. His breaths were just as shallow. They stayed like that for a few moments, unable to speak. Kakashi’s mind was racing with so many thoughts: had he made a mistake?  Would Iruka just write this off as misplaced affection towards a caretaker?  Or did they just open Pandora box?

Iruka’s mind was racing just as much as his. He was confused as to what would cause him to do that but all he knew was that he liked it. If later Kakashi wanted to play it off then he would go along with it. But that would be then, not now. Now he wanted to be selfish. He wanted to give to this wonderful dream and feel that wonderful explosive combination of their chakra. He captured those lips again, this time with a bit of heat driving him. He could the fist in his hair tighten and tug at the strands at the base of his skull. He couldn't suppress the soft moan the rumbled low in his throat.

The sound Iruka made was music to his ears. He repeated the tug and to his satisfaction it elicited the same response. He felt a tongue ghost across his lips and he gave into the request, parting his mouth.  He was feeling light headed and at first he attributed to the mind blowing kiss. But soon he felt the all too familiar pull of exhaustion. Reluctantly he had to pull away, but not before lightly biting the other’s bottom lip.

“Tired…” he rasped, out of breath from both that amazing moment and from how hard it was becoming to sit upright. “Sorry…” He looked up at Iruka and hoped he was showing his regret properly. He was so used to the mask that sometimes he didn't know if he was emoting properly. “Really…” He dropped his hand down to his side, but not before he let his fingers skim across the other’s ear and jaw.

He would be lying if he said he was disappointed. He didn't know where things were headed and he wanted to find out but Kakashi brought him back to reality, reminding him he just came back from a mission. He understood and put aside his selfish feelings. He stroked his hair once more before pulled away, which he almost thought made him frown but it was only for a fraction of a second. He bent down and removed his sandals. He then tugged at Kakashi’s pants, signaling he needed him help.

“Oh sensei, you need to buy me dinner first.”

Kakashi’s humor got him a hard smack to his leg in response, but soon they were both laughing at the poorly timed joked compared to what had just happened a few moments prior. Kakashi lifted his hips and wiggled out of his trousers just enough so Iruka could pull them off the rest of the way. That action took almost the rest of his energy and he felt himself loosing balance. The other man quickly tossed the pants aside and helped him steady himself.  He guided him to shift and lay back, helping his head rest gently against the pillow. He moved the sheet and medkit out of the way for his legs to get comfortable on the mattress.

After he pulled the sheet up to his shoulders he looked down and moved to leave, deciding he'd be sleeping on his couch for the rest of the night.  Kakashi reached out and lightly touched his arm.

“Stay… please…”

He couldn't bring himself to look at him. Just a moment ago he had practically shoved his tongue down his throat and now he felt so small, self conscious and insecure. He nodded. Turning off the light he felt so nervous walking over to the other side of his bed.  He gently crawled in as to not cause the other too much discomfort. His body was stiff with tension as he laid there and stared at his ceiling. He was extremely anxious, awkwardly trying not to brush up against the other, even though there wasn’t much free space left on the bed.  He tried to put an invisible barrier between them because he wasn’t sure what to do.

A hand touched his and he felt himself startle a bit.  He looked over and saw Kakashi’s head turned towards him, eyes closed. His chest was rising and falling evenly as a sign of sleep.  He couldn’t help but smile.  He looked so peaceful and his facial features were softer, unlike how hard and stoic they were set when awake. He felt special being able to see the elite warrior so unguarded, so trusting.  He felt his cheeks heat up and he laced his fingers with pale ones. He looked back up at the ceiling and let sleep claim him.

 

 

The only time time Iruka broke from his daily routines were on days when he had no morning classes or mission desk duty.  He allowed himself to sleep in on those days. He felt very warm but in such a pleasant and soothing way, as well as the most comfortable he had ever felt.  He could feel the pull rest leaving him but he fought it as long as he could. He was so relaxed and draped in such a snuggly cocoon that he groaned softly and nestled more into his pillow.  That blanket of bliss tightened around him and held him in a tender embrace, pressing into him.

He sadly could no longer fight his body clock.  He groaned against and his eyes reluctantly fluttered open. He lifted his arms to stretch but found that difficult, trapped under something.  He looked down and noticed a fair arm slung over him. He tried to shift but felt himself pulled backwards before a ghost of hot air brushed against the nape of his neck and something nuzzled him there. A shiver rocked his body and goosebumps prickled his skin. He crained his head and he felt his breath caught in his chest as his eyes focused on the sleeping man and tuft of silver hair.

“Mmmrr...not yet…”

The muffled murmur surprised Iruka because of how childlike and adorable it sounded, especially from who produced it. It was like something a child do make when they didn’t want to get out of bed. He felt that burst of breath against his skin once more and it not only made that same feeling of pleasure rush down his back but he felt his body stir with arousal.

_Shit!_

If Iruka wasn’t awake he was now. He was starting to feel awkward and this was not helping.  It was bad enough that he could remember last night, how the other had kissed him before he practically attempted to eat his face- at least that’s how much desire he felt at the time. And now he had the beginning of an erection and that was mortifying and not a conversation he wanted to have. He had no idea what was happening and even though he didn’t want Kakashi to just pass last night off as just a lapse due to exhaustion but if that was what he wanted to do then Iruka wouldn’t argue. He really hoped it wasn’t a mistake.  He gently touched the arm slung over him and started to carefully peel it off of him. He was met with said arm tightening again and pulling him back against the other’s torso.

“Can’t you take a sick day?” Iruka froze in place. He didn’t say anything.  Maybe he misheard? Maybe Kakashi was still sleep talking? He felt the other shift around but not let go of him. “Let your hellions terrorize a substitute for one day.”

“... Kakashi, I don’t have class today…j-just desk duty later today.”

“Good.”

He could feel him smile against his neck. He felt himself shudder once more. Kakashi let out a muffled chuckle and pressed even closer to him, removing any remaining millimeter of space between them.

“K-Kasashi…” He was having difficulty forming words.  The intimacy of the embrace was messing with his mind, heart, and body. His mouth was dry and he was confused. “Wh-what are you doing?”

“What does it look like? I’m getting comfortable and trying to go back to sleep.” Kakashi paused.  He was positive Iruka could feel the slight frown he made due to their close proximity. “You should do the same.” He let out a sigh and settled back into the pillow and against the other and started to let himself fall back asleep. However that was extremely short lived.  He felt Iruka shift, turning over to face him. Surprisingly the other man did not remove his arm and thus not breaking the hold he had on him.

Iruka was biting down on his lower lip.  He was anxious and his eyes were scanning the other.  There were so many questions in his mind, racing too fast for him to count properly. He was very tempted to just ignore them and just indulge in the intimacy that was forming in his bedroom; to just lose himself in the little bubble and forget about reality momentarily.  However his practical side won out and he needed clarification.  He needed to know what was going on and he couldn’t ignore it no matter what the outcome would bring.

“Kakashi, I’m serious. What is happening right now?” His voice shook a little with his nervousness. His heart was pounding loudly in his chest and he was positive it could be heard by them both. “What happened last night… with that… “ He couldn’t say the words as he was losing all of his confidence.  Maybe confronting him was a mistake.  He could not longer look at the face of the other, who looked so peaceful and unguarded. Was he always like this when he slept?

“You mean when I kissed you.”

A single grey eye slowly opened and looked up at him through thin eyelashes. Iruka felt his breath catch in his throat and his chest tighten, heart skipping a beat. He saw something in the solitary orb that shook him down to his core.  It was lacking the blankness or cold calculation that was its norm, or even the mischief and warmth it took on when he was normally around him. No, this showed something entirely different. Iruka had always heard the saying that windows were the eyes into the soul but he never fully understood what that meant. Now was he felt himself transfixed he suddenly knew, as he felt overwhelmed with this sense of deep longing and desire, of passion and, dare he say, love.

Kakashi removed his hand rather reluctantly. He let out a deep breath and rolled over onto his back. He was still a coward through and through, and even now he just couldn’t look at Iruka. He owed the other the truth and he would give that in answering all his questions. He just couldn’t do that facing him.  He would be too tempted to avoid the serious conversation that needed to happen. He would end up avoiding the issue- either with excuses or by selfishly kissing him again. And oh did he want to do that once more. He hadn’t expected the other to respond so feverishly and it had caught him by surprise or else things would have ended a whole lot differently… and they would probably have to have an even more awkward conversation. So maybe it was a good thing that hadn’t happened.

“I’m a coward, always have been, believe it or not. But I need you to know, it wasn’t the exhaustion that made me do it, I used the exhaustion as an excuse to give in to my selfishness. I don’t know if that makes any sense to you.” He closed his eye. He could feel his heart drumming in his ears.  He could feel the mattress shift and he instinctively opened his eyes and looked over. Iruka had moved to prop himself up on one elbow.  His hair had fallen against his bare shoulders and Kakashi felt like his breath had been stolen from him; seeing Iruka like this was the most beautiful sight he had ever witnessed. He opened his sharingan because he needed a vestige of this moment forever cemented in his brain. He didn’t know what was going to happen and he hated uncertainty, so if this was all that he could have then he was going to make sure he never forgot.

Seeing that red tome honestly scared Iruka.  He knew it was an irrational fear but he grew up with all the stories about the Uchiha and the terrible power of their dojutsu kekkei genkai. He had never seen one up close before and though frightening it was extremely alluring. He could not stop himself from reaching out and ghosting his fingers down the scar that bisected it. He knew Kakashi would never use it to harm him and that helped to calm his worries. He knew he wasn’t caught in a genjutsu but he could not help but feel like he was, losing himself as he looked at the other. He thought the man was bewitching and that distinctive scar, though not typically considered a thing of beauty itself, was exquisite.

Kakashi was shocked feeling fingers touch his face. He forced himself not to flinch when fingers, soft and gentle, made contact with his scar.  That marker of raised flesh was a brutal reminder of one of his greatest failures in life and the epitome of his self loathing. Disgust didn’t show in the dark eyes that gazed upon him, instead nothing but the deepest affection- something he hadn’t seen there before. He kept his face blank and emotionless because that was his trained response but inside he was shaken at his core. He was so used to other fearing his eye or having some perverse fascination with it and the scar. Fear was understandable, the sharingan had a reputation long before he came to possess one. Fear he could accept. Fear and misplaced fascination he loathed but he could tolerate. Affection, understanding,respect,  love… those were concepts that were never associated with him and he honestly had no idea how to handle them. And yet he expected nothing less from him and wanted nothing else.

Feeling that all too familiar painful pull on his system he was forced to close his eye.  He recorded the other long enough to have that image forever ingrained in his mind.  Even without the eye there was no way that he would ever forget seeing Iruka with bed tousled hair, shirtless, and looking at him as a lover would gaze upon their partner. Just associating that word with Iruka pulled at his heartstrings in all the best possible ways. It made his body relax and ease any tension yet tie it up in knots all at once. Only Iruka could make him feel so sure and yet completely undone at the same time.

“There’s something I didn’t tell you… something else my father said.”

The words woke him out of his trance. Iruka blinked rapidly a few times as a way to refocus. He let his hand fall from the other’s face and looked down at his mattress, feeling a bit ashamed for having carelessly invaded the other’s personal space without permission.  “You don’t have to.” His voice came out softer than he had intended. He was suddenly feeling self conscious and almost like he was being evaluated by how intensely Kakashi was looking at him. His head shot up and his widened when calloused fingers cupped his cheek. He was confused and anxious, not understanding at all what was happening and yet knowing the wheels of change were starting and didn’t dare stop it.

“When my father said it wasn’t my time to join him and my mother, he said it was because I needed to go back; that there was someone waiting for me…someone that I cared for...” Those were not the exact words his father said.  He clearly remembered Sakumo using the phrase ‘go back to be with the one you love’ but there was no way he could make himself say it, not yet anyway no matter how true those words were if he decided to be fully honest with himself.

He bit down on his lower lip and closed his eye for a moment.  He needed to steady himself, gain the courage to follow through with what he was saying.  He already started and there was no turning back.  Plus he knew Iruka would verbally assassinate him for leaving anything half finished, plus he knew Iruka deserved better than half measures. He cared too much to do anything less. A hand came to cover his own, its warmth penetrating his skin and shooting down his arm. “Kakashi, I don’t understand what you’re trying to tell me.” The confusion and unease in Iruka’s voice was as plain as day. He forced himself to look into those swimming brown orbs. He could get lost in them for hours if he let himself. His fingers awkwardly (at least he thought so) began to caress the tan flesh under his touch.

  
“At the time I didn’t understand what he meant… but now I think I do. I think he meant you.”


	8. Sometimes it takes a friend in order to be honest with yourself

“WHAT?! You can’t be serious?!”

Genma’s screech of surprise was so loud that it turned the mission room quiet.  Everyone was now staring at the pair behind the desk.  Iruka glared at his friend before elbowing him in the side quite hard.  He then grabbed his sleeve and pulled the standing man down to his seat.

“Why not say it a little louder. I don’t think the rest of Konoha heard you.” he hissed through gritted teeth.  Umino then looked at everyone and gave his best ‘everything is ok now get back to work or else’ smile. It worked every time. He sighed and decided that if this conversation continued they needed to be off the floor. He gave heisty apology to the other desk nin. He tightened his grip on Genma’s sleeve and dragged him out of the room. He ignored the confused look down the hall before shoving the other into a vacant meeting room and prompt locked the door.

The senbon user still looked a bit flabbergasted. He just stared at his friend, ignoring the scowl, crossed arms and tense posture. That might work to intimidate his students but Genma wasn’t a child.. even if he acted like one most of the time.

“So.. you mean to tell me that you had him in your bed and you didn’t suck his dick, screw him or anything?”

A flush spread across Iruka’s face as he remembered the night in question. Kakashi had spent the night in his bed, only in his underwear, after coming back late from a mission. He was injured and exhausted, making the equivalent of a love confession. At least that’s what it seemed like, especially if the kissing were any indication. After Kakashi said those things Iruka had been utterly speechless, trying to process everything and feeling utterly overwhelmed. Thankfully the other hadn’t taken his lack of a response negatively. Kakashi had just simply smiled and flicked at his nose before laughing softly. Such a gesture helped to lighten the mood and made him smile while complaining. He let Kakashi go back to sleep and rest while he forced himself to get out of bed. He left some food for the other and quietly left for his mission desk duty, even if it was significantly earlier than usually. When he returned… he had been crestfallen to find that he had left.

That had been over a week ago.

“He was injured and nearly chakra depleted…” Iruka rubbed at his scar and looked down, feeling suddenly a bit bashful.

“But he clearly had enough energy to shove his tongue down your throat.”

“That’s not how it happened!” Iruka’s head shot up as he suddenly became defensive.

“Oh, then how did it happen, Ruki-poo?”

Iruka had fallen for Genma’s little bait game to get the details out of him. The sly smirk from the other was clear proof. He couldn’t be too mad at him for it, that’s just how he was- especially since Iruka has always been notoriously private about his sex life. Unlike Genma and Anko, he didn’t like announcing all his conquests to the village, and this was even before he started teaching. He didn’t like to kiss and tell… so his two best friend would have to coax it out of him either with teasing, slight manipulation or alcohol. The latter was always Anko’s prefered method mainly because she wanted any excuse to drink.

The chuunin sighed and decided to indulge the other in his victory. “He initiated the first kiss. It was like electricity meeting hot water and it was nice. The second one… I was the one to shove my tongue down his throat…” He could see the grin grow and Genma’s face turned almost fox like.

“You sly devil. I bet he hadn’t expected that. He doesn’t know that the prude thing is all a cover. I know better than most just how much of a deviant you are.”

Iruka shook his head. “He knows I’m not a prude and only chastise him about his books in public because of my teacher image. Sorry to disappoint but we haven’t had the ‘tell me about your past sexual partners’ conversation.”

The senbon wielder tsked and sighed. “I still can’t believe you didn’t at least rub one off.”

 

 

To say that Kakashi had been avoiding Iruka wouldn’t be a complete lie. He did feel like shit for running away that day, to imagine the hurt on Iruka’s face to find him gone, but he was a coward. He even told him so. It had taken all his courage to tell him what his father had told him; that Sakumo implied that he was in love with the other. He wasn’t surprised that Iruka hadn’t been able to respond- he had just dumped so much on that man in less than twenty-four hours. Iruka was just too good of a person, much more than Kakashi deserved. If he had stayed they would have had to talk, there would have been no avoiding it. Avoiding was all Kakashi knew how to do outside of the battlefield. Not being able to do so was something he just didn’t know how to do.

Avoiding the elephant in the room was only part of why he hid from Iruka. The other part had been that Tsunade had gotten wind of his injuries and sent Anbu to fetch him and drag him to the hospital. That was where he was trapped for a week in order to recover his chakra. She had been surprisingly quiet during the inital exam. That had surprised him. His teammates had relayed to her the extent of his injuries. She just looked at his shoulder and hummed.

“Not bad work, lots of potential.”

That had been the only she said. The fact that she didn’t yell at him or dictate orders unsettled him and it showed. He couldn’t hide it. She gave him a knowing look and that suddenly explained everything about her drastically different demenor. He felt embarassed and resigned himself to be cooped up in his sterile white prison for the next week. Once he had been cleared to leave he didn’t waste a second to hightail it out of there.

He was heading home when he spotted Iruka and Genma leaving the mission room, probably just finishing their shift. He felt himself blush and start to panic seeing them laughing and being so carefree. He wanted to be in Genma’s position. He wanted Iruka’s undevided attenion and be graced with that smile. He also wanted to capture those plush lips, let his hands roam under that evil uniform shirt, and get that delicious moan out of him. However he knew having none of that was soley his own doing. So he did what he did best, he avoided.

Something caught Genma’s attention, out of the corner of his eye. He suddenly stopped, which caused Iruka to do the same. He suddenly grabbed the senbon in his mouth and hurled it in the direction of a nearby building. Iruka was on high alert now, thinking maybe there was a sudden threat to the village.  The sudden cry of annoyance coming from where Genma had targeted changed that to panic.

Before he could stop him, Genma charged towards the building on his left. He grabbed his target and shoved him up against the brick wall. Iruka ran over, confusion clear on his face.

“Genny, what the hell are you do…” Iruka’s words stopped as he saw Kakashi under the other’s grip, senbon still clearly sticking out of his bicep.

“You have a whole lot of nerve, Hatake!” His voice was seething with rage. Just for good messure he slammed the higher ranked shinobi against the wall once more. “I should skin you alive, you spineless bastard!”

Kakashi had nothing to say. Genma wasn’t wrong. He was spineless. He couldn’t bring himself to fight back. Maybe he deserved this. After all he was failure in every sense of the word. Every meaningful relationship he had always ended disasterously and all by his actions. Why would this one be any different. He was killing it before it even started. Maybe being fileted wasn’t such a bad idea.

Iruka came up to the two. He touched the tokubetsu’s arm. “Gen, let him go.”

“No.” He narrowed his eyes and tightened his grip. “This bastard has been putting you through hell and I am not going to just stand by and let him continue.” He leaned forward to invade Kakashi’s personal space. “I will not let you string along my brother in some sick and twisted game of yours. He doesn’t deserve this bullshit because he’s one of the few good things left in this miserable world of ours. Give me one good reason why I shouldn’t beat the living daylights out of your right here and right now?”

“Genma, that’s enough!” Iruka pulled his friend away from Kakashi. He removed the senbon and handed it back to its rightful owner. “I appreciate the sentiment but you can’t just go around beating up everyone just like when we were kids. This is my problem and my problem alone. Let me handle this my way.” 

The blonde sneered and kicked at the ground. “He doesn’t deserve you, not when he can’t pull his head out of his own ass.” He took the needle and wiped it on his pants. “For pete’s sake Hatake, do you like him or not?!” Seeing the glare from Iruka caused him to tsk and cry out in exasperation. “Fine, I get it. Bastard, you are lucky he’s here. If you hurt him there will be hell to pay because I won’t be the only one you’ll have to answer to.”

Kakashi just stood there, slumped like a sack of potatoes. He couldn’t argue. Everything Genma said was true and the man had everyright to be angry. Iruka was too good for him, he knew that from the beginning. He was a worthless shell of a human and nothing more than a tool of death and destruction. He didn’t deserve someone like him. He didn’t deserve anyone.

Once they were alone Iruka went over to Kakashi. He gently touched the place where the senbon had struck. “I’m sorry about that.” His words were soft and kind. Kakashi thought they were too kind, too forgiving. He couldn’t bring himself to look at the other. He was receeding into himself because a worthless lumo of human flesh would be giving him a complient.

The slap had awoken him from his downward spiral of self loathing.  His ears rung and his face stung.  He looked up and saw the fire burning in Iruka’s eyes, as well as his hand lowering down to his side. He touched his face and winced both at the pain and how hot his skin felt. He blinked a few times before staring at the other in sheer and utter confusion.

“That was for leaving without so much as leaving a note and making me worry for a damn near week. A week, Kakashi! Where the hell were you?”

His voice came out a bit melancholy. “The hospital.”

Iruka’s eyes grew wide. “Oh god, I am so sorry!” He felt like suck and ass now. He should have know there would have been a legitamte reason why he had been avoiding him. He forgot for a moment that Kakashi had returned injuried and Iruka could only patch him up, not fully heal him since he wasn’t a medic.

“I deserved that. I should have left a note or some sort of message. I’m sorry.”

Iruka just studied him for a moment, thinking. Kakashi had been around him long enough to know what that furrow of his brows signified. He was feeling extremely awkward and nervous and extremely exposed. Iruka always seemed to know how to make him come undone with just a look but he was pretty certain the other didn’t realize it.

“You know, even though he went about it the wrong way there is something to be said about Genma’s lack of pulling his punches.” After everything that transpired Iruka decided to take a page out of his friend’s playbook. Not the underhanded tactics, of course. No, that would be completely inappropriate for this situation. He was getting tired of playing the long game and waiting, that push and pull of will he or won’t he. He was going to take the blunt and upfront approach. And honestly he was getting extremely fed up with the other constantly avoiding the issue, as well as himself for doing the exact same. “Do you like me or not?”

Kakashi was bracing himself for the worst. He was expecting Iruka to just decide that he wasn’t worth it. He was anticipating to be declared a complete waste of the other’s time and that they would no longer have any sort of relationship. He deserved that and so much worse. However those words never came. His eyes went wide in surprise. Leave it to the sensei to catch him off guard, but he always had that affect. 

“Come again, sensei?”

The sigh followed by the soft chuckle escapsed his lips. “Seriously, Kakashi you are a piece of work. Sometimes I have to question what I even see in you.”

He blinked again. Thankfull his mask kept his jaw in place or else it would be on the ground. “I am not the easiest person to get along with.” He felt nervous. Were they finally have the conversation that needed to happen? Cornered in an alley after being accosted by a very protective friend was not how he had imagined it. He had hoped for flowers, food, maybe candles and even a bed… Oh who was he kidding, he never would have had the guts to set up a scene from Icha Icha.

“No kidding! Now answer my question.” Iruka crossed his arms and tapped his foot. He had to take on his stern teacher mode when handling a child because apparently being patient and supportive hadn’t been working all that well. Being half naked had finally gotten the first hints of making out but there was no way he was going to strip out in public as a way to get the other talking.

“Would you please clarify. Did you mean like you as a friend? I thought you already knew that answer.” Old habits die hard. He was avoiding again. And clearly Iruka was not having any of it if the narrowing of his eyes were any indication.

This was getting ridiculous even by his standards. His students weren’t this bad and they were children. he was dealing with a grown man, who yes had a messed up life and was forced to be an adult at the age of five, but still an adult. He decided he needed to just come out with it and force the other match him in laying everything out on the table. It would be the riskiest move he had ever made but he was willing to do it, even if it put his stomach in knots and filled him with worry.

“Kakashi, I am going to say this once so listen very, very carefully. I am attracted to you- sexually and emotionally. I have been for quite some time. I am pretty certain that you have similar feelings for me. If you only want to remain friends, speak up now so that I can stop waiting for you to ask me out. I would much rather be sharing a meal then making out with you than sitting around like a teenage girl pulling daisy petals.”

He just stared at the other for a few moments. His brain was trying to process what his ears had just heard. Iruka wanted him. Like, seriously wanted him. He thought he had misheared but judging by how his heart was fluttering in his chest and suddenly felt so light and free. It was like a weight had been lifted off his shoulder and he felt himself grinning stupidly. Of course the other couldn’t see it.

“You think we can skip dinner?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really wasn't sure how to follow up the previous chapter or if I should have ended the fic there. Because of that I have mixed feelings about this one as well as if I should continue or just end it here. I have more ideas for this but I do not know if they should be included in this fic or as a seperate addition to this series.


	9. The drums of war beat loudest in the heart

Iruka rolled his eyes. He shouldn’t have been surprised that Kakashi would make such a remark. And being the aloof individual that he was it wasn’t a direct answer to the question but Iruka knew what he meant. “No, we’re not skipping dinner.” No matter how much he wanted to just pin the other against the wall and release all his pent up frustrations through the contact of lips, hands roaming bare flesh and bodies grinding together, he was not going to let the pervert get off easy. Only when drunk would Iruka ever admit that he was a romantic and frankly, he wanted Kakashi to chase him, woe him, and sweep him off his feet. Well… or at least give him one proper date before he let his hormones take over and pounce on him like a cat in heat.

“You are going to take me out for a proper date.” he began. He could see the other’s mind whirling with ideas. “And no eccentric or elaborate Icha Icha scenarios. Not for this first one, ok. If it all goes well…” Iruka had to look away. He felt his skin warm and flush, and he couldn’t help but rub the part of his nose that was bisected by the scar. “...maybe we'll skip dessert.”

Kakashi’s mind was racing and shutting down all at the same time. This had been a crazy turn of events to say the least. This is not how he had pictured how this conversation would go but at the same time he wasn’t surprised since Iruka was very pragmatic. In his daydreams he would have done a grand spectacle straight out of a passage from Icha Icha Tactics- a candlelight dinner with rose petals everywhere, a light floral wine, a string quartet and a heart shaped bed nearby for him to whisk his blushing date into and make sweet, passionate love. He knew Iruka wouldn’t be a fan of that… well at least not all of it or right away. The sensei did enjoy reading the series (not as much as Kakashi) but enough to understand why it would have a following. Iruka prefered for realistic smut, and Kakashi truly thought those novels were significantly more risque and lacked the elegant prose of describing a woman’s breasts the way only Jiraiya could.

He blinked in order to refocus and clear his mind. “Okay. No billowy shirts or sonants about your plump ass, got it.” He couldn’t help but snort at the indignant huff he got in response. Sometimes it was just too much fun to ruffle his feathers, but it also helped to ease any lingering tension. He decided to  reach out and take Iruka’s hand into his. He pulled down his mask and gave a very sincere smile. “Iruka, I would be very honored to take you out for dinner, if you would be interested.”

His flush grew and crept down his neck. His skin felt hot and it only grew more so as Kakashi took his hand. He tried to not look like a blushing school age child and instead steel himself but he was probably failing. Hearing the other’s voice he looked over and saw that unmasked face. It took his breath away everytime, not because the other was extraordinarily handsome (he was good looking but nothing that Earth shattering if he was looked at objectively) but because Iruka knew that this was an extremely intimate gesture from the other as well as a sign of ultimate trust. It also helped that he thought Kakashi had the best looking mouth he had ever seen- probably the best thing that mask has done has been to protect the skin there and keep it extremely soft.

“Damn right, I’m interested.” he huffed. “Took you long enough to ask.” He flashed the other a confident smile.  His eyes went wide as Kakashi lifted his hand and brought it up to his face.  Pale lips touched the skin on the back and it sent an electric tingle shoot up his arm before snaking down his back, causing him to shiver visibly. A stormy eye locked onto his and danced with delight at the reaction.

“How about in three day’s time, say around seven?”

“Th-that works.”

“Good.” Kakashi grinned at him with a rather smug expression.  Internally, however, he was nervous but also screaming for joy. He was ecstatic because he would finally be able to explore this route and his feelings for Iruka. That was also the exact same reason why he was nervous and trying to shut out all his voices of self doubt and loathing. He didn’t let go of his hand, letting his thumb stroke the honey brown skin. He jsut wanted to indulge in physical contact now that he knew the other reciprocated similar feelings. “Maa… you heading home, sensei? May I possibly escort you there?”

“Seriously, cut the frilly crap, Kakashi.” Iruka couldn’t help but smile. The other was going a bit overboard with the formality (and sounding like one of Jiraiya’s male leads) but he secretly found it to be sweet and charming. He just wasn’t going to entertain those notions just yet. Maybe on Kakashi’s birthday… emphasis on maybe. “But yes, you are welcome to walk me home.”

 

The walk home as a little awkward. Since they were very clearly visibly in public as they walked down a main street Kakashi’s mask was back up and his hands were in his pockets. He had his slouched posture and every so often would glance at Iruka out of the corner of his eye, inching closer to let their arms or shoulders brush against one another every now and then. He would even boldly let his fingers touch Iruka’s but when he would look down, Kakashi’s hand was nowhere in sight. The younger man would just shake his head and chuckle softly before going on about the latest antics of his students or of their comrades in the mission room. The story about the jounin who had been upset about receiving a B-rank mission and trying to blame Iruka for it, only come in the following day covered in tar and feathers, with live chickens stuck to him and pecking at any exposed inch he had left and apologize, Kakashi found highly amusing. He pressed to know how the live chickens became involved but Iruka wouldn’t share that secret.

As they approached Iruka’s building their conversation died down. It had stopped completely as they walked up the stairs to his floor and walked down the landing. Iruka could feel tension building between them, it was thick in the air. This was new territory for them now and everything was uncertain from here on out. Even though to him it felt like they were about to head into a serious relationship, Iruka didn’t want to assume as much. He also didn’t want Kakashi to feel pressured and think that was what he wanted right away.  So in his mind, at least, he decided to take things as they come and figure it out as they go. Especially with their line of work they never knew what may happen.

Kakashi noticed their pace significantly slowed as they reached Iruka’s door. Well, Kakashi slowed down and the other probably instinctively followed suit. He was very nervous. He cared about the other a lot- he was probably the only person he had ever opened up almost completely to since Namikaze Minato. Gai and Tenzou were indeed his closest friends and knew him quite well but he still kept that at arm’s length. There wa still plenty about himself he kept hidden from them but with Iruka he wanted no secrets or lies between them- he had wanted that from the very beginning of their friendship. He had always felt that he could trust and unburden himself to the other with no judgements nor preconceived notions and that in large part was what also planted the seeds of his romantic attraction. Having luscious locks, kind eyes, the most incredible laugh, a handsome profile, a wicked trickster streak and the ability to cut down even a council elder with a few well chosen words didn’t hurt either.

They both stood outside Iruka’s door in relative silence. It lasted like that for a few moments, the two of them just waiting around for someone to say or do something. The silence was becoming drawn out and uncomfortable. Iruka rocked a bit on his heels and looked down, not sure what was supposed to happen. He knew he should go inside but part of him didn’t.  Part of him also wanted to invite Kakashi in, but knowing himself and how he was with others in the past, if he invited Kakashi in he wouldn’t be leaving until the next day. He didn’t know Kakashi outside of the friendship realm since they had never really talked about past relationships or sexual habits, he was unsure what the other was expecting. He wanted to do things “properly” so he would have reign in his inner man-whore for now.

Kakashi rubbed the back of his head, feeling more anxious than ever before. He could tell the other was waiting for something to happen but he didn’t know what.  He didn’t do this type of thing. He didn’t court people.  In fact he never courted anyone before. He only did any sort of flirtation or anything related when it was part of the mission objective.  He was not going to treat Iruka like an assignment! “Should I pick you up here or will you be at the m

“Here is fine. I don’t have desk duty that day.” The teacher looked up and gave a small smile.  Good, they were talking again. It filled him with a bit of relief but soon that long pause came upon them once more. Normally if things were this awkward he would have already walked inside by now or just bedded the person if he was horny enough. Because it was Kakashi and because he did genuinely like him he didn’t want to resort to his old ways.

“I promise I won’t be late.” He knew that would make the younger man laugh and he was glad to hear it when he did. “Okay, I promise that I will try not to be late. Don’t get mad if a little old lady needs help crossing the street or a cat gets stuck in a tree and I”m late from performing good deeds.” He couldn’t help but smile as the laughter continued to grace his ears like the melody of a symphonic work. He felt himself turning into mush because he honestly loved it. He wanted to keep this light hearted atmosphere going and not have it turn into silence once more.  He used the distraction to quickly pull down his mask and slide in next to him. He very nervously placed a rather chaste kiss on Iruka’s cheek.  The laughing suddenly stopped.

“Goodnight, sensei."

Iruka blinked and stared at Kakashi with a rather dumbfounded expression on his face. The man had his mask on and looked like he didn’t even move and yet his face was heated and still tingled from the peck. “I thought I told you that you didn’t need to call me that anymore…”

“My mistake. Goodnight, Iruka.”

He hid his frown quite well, he was proud of himself for that. But he knew it was best to end things now before he did something stupid like sleep with the man after he made such a fuss earlier. “Goodnight, Kakashi.” He turned and started unlocking his door.  He stopped for a moment and looked back over his shoulder.  “Oh, by the way, give me a proper kiss next time.” The look that came over the older man was simply priceless.  It looked like he was completely mystified, caught red-handed and embarrassed all at the same time- basically the same face he made the first time he discovered Iruka’s collection of erotic literature. He smiled before slipping inside his apartment.

 

 

It was the day before he was supposed to meet again with Iruka. Kakashi had decided that he would take him out for food and drinks. So he decided to scout out some establishments, mainly ones neither of them had been to before. He was in the process of checking out place number three- an izakaya- when Uuhei came running towards him.

“Boss! Gai came looking for you.”

The man could not help but narrow his visible eye. Usually went Gai sought him out it was usually to goat his participation into a competition. Even though he would groan he did enjoy them for the most part.  However today was not one of those days. “I’m not doing any of his challenges for the next two days. I don’t want him get in the way of tomorrow.”

“With your date with the sensei, I know.”  The animal nodded. “ But it’s not what you think, it’s worse.” Kakashi rose an eyebrow. The ninken then produced a mission scroll that had been hidden under bandages.  He took it and scanned the contents.

“Shit.”

His body began heavy with resigned defeat.  THis was the worst possible timing. If it wasn’t for the fact that he was extremely loyal to his village he would actually consider becoming a missing nin. But he also knew by going on the run would mean abandoning Iruka and he was not going to do that either. He snarled under his mask and pocketed the scroll. He made the necessary handsigns and teleported, leaving Uuhei to watch a swirling pile of leaves in his place.

 

 

Rumors and news could never stay secret for long in a hidden shinobi village.  But some things did not need to be known by children and Iruka unofficially saw to it to keep things normal and calm inside his classroom. Children need some sense of normalcy in times of crisis and he hoped to at least provide a safe place for his student to focus on other things, even if only for a short while. These were times that he was thankful for the retired members of the Inuzuka clan who were happy to be called upon to bring in some of their new ninken pups and give the pre-genin lessons about ninja animals while also bringing joy through baby creatures.

He stood off to the side of the classroom, letting the children fully immerse themselves with the little yipping bundles of fur and the elder Inuzuka kunoichi give instructions. He heard a soft tap on his door and quietly slipped into the hallway, surprised to see Anko looking somber. That was when he had a sinking feeling in his gut that the gossip spreading throughout the day might actually have some merit. She didn’t say anything but instead choose to fling her arms around his neck and hug him tightly. He returned the gesture, rubbing small circles across her back.

“Keep these hellions safe, you hear me Ruki-poo.” she whispered into his shoulder. “Keep them smiling for as long as possible.” She nuzzled against him and hugged him closer, wanting to maintain the comforting warmth he always was able to provide her for as long as possible. He kissed the top of her head multiple times while at the same time doing his best not to get emotional. He couldn’t help it. The thought of war was a scary one and he didn’t want to lose anyone he cared for, especially those who were like family. He had to keep up a good front for his students.  If they saw him crying from sending off Anko then that would only make their fears about their own family members come to the forefront.

“You better come back, baba.” he teased. He knew she hated it when he would poke fun of their slight age difference, even if she was only older by about a year and a half. And yet she would always let him call her a granny- it just proved how strong their bond truly was. “I will buy you one stick of dango for every enemy you defeat.” He could feel her snickering and he smiled in return.  She pulled away and wiped at her eyes.

“I”m going to hold you to that.” She grinned at him and lightly punched his shoulder, feeling some of her melancholy disappearing. “Be prepared to break your bank account. And anyone my summons take down also counts too!”  He nodded his head in agreement.  They hugged again and he kissed her cheek before she darted off to make her preparations and he returned to his class.  He may have joined in and hugged a rather cute and fluffy black dog, deciding that puppy therapy wasn’t just for the children.

 

After the children were sent home for the day, he was left alone in his classroom. The silence was slightly more deafening and the room felt like it was swallowing him whole. He sat down behind his desk and looked around, taking in all the empty seats. His mind kept going back to his farewell with Anko in the hallway and how the threat of war was eminent. It put knots in his stomach and made him feel so uneasy.  The village had just barely managed to return to some semblance of normalcy, only to have it ripped open like a bandage covering a still healing wound. 

He leaned forward and held his head in his hands. He knew he needed to be strong for his students.  They will be upset and fearful once they watch their parents, aunts and uncles, older brothers and sisters, cousins leave for battle. He can’t distract them with animals forever because they will have questions. And he will be forced to answer them. He just needed a moment himself. He needed to process and deal with his own anxieties and fears. He knew he would be staying in the village and tasked with protecting the children and civilians, making sure there was a Konoha for those on the battlefield to come back to; to make sure those he held nearest and dearest to his heart would be able to have a safe refuge to rest their weary heads. He knew his friends and former students were highly capable shinobi and could take care of themselves, so there wasn’t a dire need to worry but he couldn’t help it. He remembered the Third Great War so vividly and all the pain it caused- not only to himself but to those around him. Now that he was older he would be the one helping other to cope and he would fulfil his duty. He just needed to take in the silence and pull himself together first.

The soft knock on the wooden doorframe echoed in the empty classroom.  Iruka lifted his head from his hands and looked in the direction of the sound’s source. His coffee colored eyes fixed on the slouching man leaning against the entrance. He did not even bother to hide the emotion from his features. He felt himself become suddenly weary and drained of all his energy. His face looked crestfallen. “Not you too…” His eyes glistened with water that was starting to build up into potential tears.

The look of sheer and utter defeat on the other’s face made Kakashi feel like he had been stabbed in the chest. The pained voice that was barely a whisper but rang with such volume amongst the silence tore at his ears.  He wanted to rush over to him, scoop him into his arms and utter soothing words of comfort- promising him anything and everything that would bring a smile upon his face. Instead he stayed put. He couldn’t bring himself to look away.

“It can’t be avoided.” he stated frankly.  “I’m nothing but a tool designed for situations like this. I’m expendable and not of the same value as you.” He knew that he was indeed valuable but only in the battle field. He was a remnant of the last shinobi war so his tactical mind and experience would be in high demand. Killing was what he was designed for. The other was significantly more valuable in Kakashi’s mind. Iruka was a survivor of war and came out better from it. Instead of anger and resentment he embodied hope and all that was good in the world. He was the will of fire and a symbol of why weapons like Kakashi were used. Weapons were used to protect and Kakashi would do everything in his power to keep Iruka, as well as the rest of Konoha, safe.

“You are not expendable, you idiot! Not to the people who care about you!” Iruka hadn’t realized he was yelling. He was just so infuriated that the other would belittle himself. Yes, Kakashi was a powerful warrior and extremely useful in times of war and that made him very valuable in that regard.  He was also valuable for other reasons. He had friends who cared about him, students who looked up to him, people who loved him. Iruka looked down and held his head in his hands once more. His voice was a lot calmer now.  “Sorry… I just need another minute to get myself together. First Anko came by after she got the missive, it’s only a matter of time before I have to send Genma off as well and now you coming here… it’s just a bit too much for me to process right now.”

“Then don’t.”

The words caused the instructor to lift up his head. To his surprise Kakashi was no longer in the doorway. He started to frown only to suddenly feel arms wrapped around him. His senses tingled as the presence of the other’s chakra. The embrace strong and warm and Iruka just felt his body collapse.  His arms snaked around the lean frame and he melted.  He was weary emotionally and he wanted to be selfish and be comforted, even if only for the briefest of moments. Kakashi pulled the other closer to him, his cloth covered nose nuzzling tightly bound tresses.

“I don’t have much time before I have to leave for Kumogakure. And if it’s allright with you, I would much rather spend that short window somewhere other than here.”

Iruka simply nodded his head.  Kakashi pulled away ever so slightly and motioned for him to stand up. He helped Iruka gather his belongs before holding him close once more. The chuunin clutched onto Kakashi’s vest as the jounin made the hand signs for a teleportation jutsu. It was probably a complete and useless waste of chakra in such a time of crisis but Kakashi didn’t care, and he was pretty sure the other wasn’t going to object. This was fast and efficient given the limited time frame.

 

They reappeared outside of Iruka’s apartment. He wasn’t used to this method of travel so he was a bit unsteady and clung to Kakashi’s vest for a moment until he got his bearings.  “I hope you don’t mind…” Kakashi was a bit sheepish, not even thinking about asking if it was ok to arrive there or if there was some place specific he might have wanted to do. This was just the only place he could think of off the top of his head.

“No, it’s fine. I don’t think I can handle being around other people right now.” He pulled away from Kakashi and went to unlock his door. “Tomorrow I’ll be Umino Iruka, the strong and supportive sensei everyone can depend on. I just can’t put up that facade at this time.” His body stiffed when he felt the other press up behind him; those same arms that can and have killed hundreds circled around his waist. He relaxed almost instantly. It was strange how one man could have both effects on him simultaneously.

“I don’t want you to pretend to be something you’re not.” The words were murmured softly. His warm breath caused the tan skin on the back of Iruka’s neck to get goosebumps. “I have always liked your honesty and now is not the time to change that.”

His grip on the doorknob tightened slightly. He felt himself shudder from the hot air on his neck, the feel of the hard body pressed against him, Blood rushed to his ears and drummed loudly. He could feel his face heating up and becoming flush. Biting down on his lower lip he took a coup deep breaths through his nose. Slowly he turned around to fully face his companion. He still made sure to keep their bodies close. Eyes scaned pale features briefly before locking onto stone grey. “You will still owe me a proper date when you get back- and you better get back here alive.” He didn’t even wait for a response. Fingers grabbed the front of his flack jacket and with a forceful tug he pulled him down slightly. He kissed him heatedly through the mask.

Kakashi’s eye went wide as the bizzare sensation of lips, tongue and teeth saturated his mask. He wanted to respond- his body was screaming at him to do so. He stepped forward just enough to be able to push open Iruka’s front door. He nudged them inside before he pulled himself away long enough to hastily pull down his mask. His foot kicked the door shut as he captured those plump dark lips.

 

Everything happened in a frenzied blur of fingers clawing at one another. A trail of discarded sandals, hitai-ate, gloves, vests, shirts and mesh underarmor lead towards the single bedroom of the dwelling. The main resident had the other aying flat on his back against the mattress. He was currently straddling him with hands raking through wild silver strands, leaning over him in order to let his mouth swallow the noises he was making. Pale hands moved along sun-kissed golden brown skin. The tips of calloused fingers traced along every contour of muscle, of ever scar that mared him. Teeth nipped and tugged at reddening lips before a tongue darted across them to both taste and soothe. His fingers fisted that metalic hair and tilted his head back, greedy to mark every inch of exposed flesh.

His senses were overloading. This was nothing at all like he had dreamed about- in fact it was better. He had no problem letting Iruka take charge as he never once thought the younger man to be passive. There was no way a man with a temper and and surity of self like his would be a submissive sissy in an intimate setting. Then again, this was all new uncharted territory. His mind was whirling too fast for him to compute. He could feel his body needing air but also realizing that no matter how much he wanted to explore the other in turn there was simply time. And time was what Kakashi wanted with Iruka. He didn’t want to feel rushed and cheat themselves out of the full possibilities having an unlimited time frame could provide. With great reluctance he brought his hands up to tan shoulders and gently nudged the other to stop.

Iruka’s pupils were blown. He looked concerned as he stared down at Kakashi, confusion racing through his mind. “Did I do something wrong?” worry clearly in his voice.

He shook his head. “Heaven’s no.” He let one hand creep up and pull the hair tie, forcing chocolate tresses to cascade down. “I just don’t want to start something that I can’t finish.” Seeing the frown tug at his lips Kakashi caressed a soft cheek tenderly. “I don’t want to rush things, prefering to take my time and enjoy everything and be enjoyed equally in turn instead. That’s what I mean. You’re not a mission so I have no intention to treat this- to treat you- you like one.” He had thought his words perfectly conveyed what he was feeling but the worry and hurt still remained on the other’s face. Not sure what else to do he pulled him down into and awkward hug.  “I just totally messed up just now, didn’t I?”

“Maybe a little, but it’s ok.” Iruka shifted a bit to be a bit more comfortable, resting his head on the bare chest. “I think I get what you meant.” He couldn’t help but chuckle lightly. “Just don’t put me and mission sex in the same sentence ever again, got it?”

Feeling the other’s soft laugh reverbrated against his chest helped to ease his building anxiety. It was infectious and he couldn’t help but do the same. He stroked Iruka’s hair as the two continued to laugh at everything and nothing before falling into a comfortable silence. He let his fingers play with random strands while Iruka wrapped an arm around his waist, softly grumbling about his hair. For the first time that evening things felt normal and the rest of the outside world was forgotten.

 

 

Eventually they had to leave their own little world. He wasn’t sure how long they had laid there in Iruka’s bed. All they both knew what that the room had eventually been swallowed by the darkness of night and everything around them was pitch black. No words were exchanged but they both knew what had to happen. Iruka sat up and made sure the other had room to do the same. He watched silently as Kakashi stretched and got up. Reluctantly he followed after him, helping to gather the disgarded pieces of his uniform. He held onto the vest as the other dressed. Once Kakashi had his hitai-ate in place and sandals on his feet he held out the heavy canvas.

Kakashi drew out getting dressed for as long as possible. He didn’t say anything as Iruka stepped forward and helped smooth out his uniform, making sure there was no obvious wrinkle. “I promise I’ll come back to you.” Even in the dark he could see the other’s eyes shining with emotions threatening to break the surface. “And I’ll make sure Naruto comes back as well. And Anko, Genma, and as many of us as I can.” Iruka didn’t need to say anything for Kakashi to know that was on his mind. “I’m coming back.”

He leaned forward and kissed him gently. Iruka’s eyes slipped closed and he allowed himself to enjoy that moment; feeling the weight and warmth of those lips and the promise and letting them seep into his heart.  When he opened his eyes he was alone in his apartment.

 

 

 


	10. The most beautiful moments are the least expected

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so very much for all the kind words of support for my writing and this fic. It is so overwhelming and I don't feel worthy of such praise. I'm just going to keep this going until I can't anymore. ^_^;

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“All those in favor of nominating Hatake Kakashi as the rokudaime hokage of Konohagakure.”

Those words still echoed in his mind, long after the news broke of Danzo’s death and he had never been more grateful for Tsunade’s return to power. Village politics was not of interest to him. He had been bred to be a warrior, not a bureaucrat. The thought of paperwork, policy meetings that were less entertaining than watching paint dry, diplomatic missions, fake pleasantries and long winded, dull social gatherings with dignitaries frightened him. He totally understood now why she was constantly irritable and kept a stockpile of sake in her office at all times; he too would want to constantly drink if he were in her position. Even though he now gained a new form of sympathy for her he wouldn’t lie about being greatly relieved that she was able to resume her post once again.

Instead of becoming the hokage he was now a general. That was still a position with tremendous responsibility and in charge of countless lives, but this was a position that he was far more comfortable with. He knew war- he lived and breathed it though not by choice. That was what shinobi did. And he was a fighter in the last war so he had first hand experience about how vile the fighting could become. In his new position he would use that knowledge to do everything he could to make sure the same mistakes back then were not repeated.

He had been provided modest accommodations in the compound of the raikage. It was temporary- only for a night or two as the battalions were formed, supplies gathered, rations distributed before heading out into battle. There was no telling how long the fighting would last so he would take advantage of the modern comforts while he could. He had been in strategy meetings all day and even had maps scattered about on the small table by window. He needed a break for a moment, to think about something, anything, other than the best ways to kill in the shortest amount of time. He laid in bed staring at the ceiling as his mind began to wander. He wasn’t surprised when his thoughts became about Iruka. He would much rather be back home with him right now.

They didn’t even have to do anything even though he had quite thoroughly enjoyed the impromptu makeout session. Iruka’s ferocity had been quite unexpected but highly arousing. He always knew that there was something more to the teacher, that he wasn’t the prude like many believed him to be- he learned that part early on in their friendship. He just suspected there was something else hidden underneath it all, especially with such strong bonds to deviants like Anko and Genma. They were good people and they also clearly loved Iruka just as much as he loved them but unlike the chuunin they flaunted their exploits loudly and with pride. With all things considered given the fact that Iruka was constantly around children it was probably best that he let people think he was uptight. That made Kakashi wonder what stories or experiences the younger man went through. Maybe he could convince him to share or write them down. WIthout Jiraiya to supply him with more tales for his beloved ‘Icha Icha’ someone needed to fill the void, especially since the toad sage had willed him the publishing rights. But that would be a conversation to have long after the war was over… and after things developed into something serious (which he didn’t doubt happening).

 

Teleportation jutsu were going to be something he didn’t think he could ever fully get used to. Maybe it was because he was inexperienced with them nor had the chakra capability to produce such a high powered technique. He didn’t get motion sickness or anything like that but he did feel slightly disoriented every time. At least he was able hide that in front of Naruto. He had gotten the message from an Anbu about the decision of the kage to send Killer B and Naruto into hiding. The Anbu probably wasn’t supposed to tell him that and breaking protocols by doing so, but clearly Tsunade didn’t care if Iruka knew because she was the one summoning him. Apparently Naruto was handling the decision worse than Tsunade- and she was absolutely livid. But she knew he needed to be protected and, more importantly, that Iruka would be the only one able to get through to him and make him think rationally. He felt a bit honored. Sure everyone knew just how much he cared for the boy, that he was like the younger brother he had always wanted, but to find out that one of the last known living descendants of the First regarded him with enough respect and admiration to beseech his aid in helping the boy rationalize the situation simply astounded him. Tsunade was a hard woman to read. He knew she didn’t hate him but other than that he had no clue how she felt about him up until then.

Once he was finally able to get some sense into Naruto’s thick skull, he was escorted to the raikage’s compound in order to brief Tsunade about the situation. This was his first time in the land of lightning and she seemed to know that and was able to get him permission to stay the night before her Anbu transported him back home. He was thankful. He wasn’t sure he would be able to handle teleporting twice in such a short span of time.

Stepping outside of Tsunade’s chamber he was greeted by Genma. He was delighted to see him and hugged him tightly. The senbon user laughed and returned the gesture. “So Tsunade-sama needed to call in the big guns, huh?” he teased.

The teacher rolled his eyes at the comment but still grinned. “When it comes to Naruto, I guess I am.” He laughed and it honestly felt good to do so. He knew war was imminent any second but to have a jovial moment to forget helped ease the tension in their shoulders.

Genma flicked the senbon in his mouth with his tongue. He gave the feline grin, which the other knew meant that he was up to something. “I overheard our hokage get permission for you to spend the night before you head back. I got stuck with guard duty tonight so all I can do is send you off to bed.” His grin grew larger and he laughed after receiving a punch to the shoulder. He continued laughing before motioning for Iruka to follow. They turned down a corridor that had the walls decorated with ornate carving of scenes Iruka could only assume were from the country's folklore. There were fearsome deities standing on clouds brandishing bolts of lightening in their hands, their garments flowing around them. The details portrayed an intense realism that left him in awe and a strong desire to read up on the mythology once back in his own village. He was simply fascinated, so much so that he didn't really care to ask the other where they were headed.

After turning and going through another hall with similar carved motifs they stopped in front of the very last door. Genma quickly began to pick the lock with his metal needle. Iruka stopped questioning long ago that the other had a bizarre habit of needing to pick the locks of his own dwellings instead of using a key like everyone else- everyone had their quirks. However when the door swung open Iruka quickly realized they wouldn't be entering the tokubetsu’s sleeping quarters. The blonde grinned cheekily like he had been caught with his hand in a cookie jar.

“I don't think the old hag would permit breaking and entering as a new form of summons. Or did she place a bet with you again?”

Iruka’s breath caught in his throat and his heart started to race. He instantly recognized the voice- he would never be able to mistake it for anyone else. The deep baritone that was slightly dampened and muffled due to obstructing fabric, the lazy drawl over certain syllables, the calm undertone that was a complete contrast to the serious nature of the man it belonged to. He shouldn't have been so surprised to find him in the compound but maybe he just expected the other to be in a tent within a platoon somewhere. This day had been such a crazy whirlwind that he felt like he didn't know anything anymore.

“Relax, that’s not why I’m here- at least not now anyway.” Genma stood up straight and continued to grin. “You are going to have to have a roommate, just for the night.” He quickly grabbed Iruka’s arm and yanked him into view. He sheepishly looked down the hall as he felt his face heat up. He was suddenly feeling self conscious and awkward. He didn't see the grey eye of the older man widen in shock and confusion. “Don't say I never did anything nice for you, Hatake. My threat still stands- hurt him and I hurt you.”

The chuunin looked up at his kin when he felt the soft squeeze on his arm. “Gen, this wasn't what got arranged…”

“I know. Figured I'd be nice and solve three issues at once. You heard all the crap she went through just to get the ok for you to stay. I figured having you bunk with a fellow leaf would be one less worry for her. And even though I could have given you my room the one-eyed pirate now owes me a favor. Plus I know you Iru, and you already had enough worry for one day. Raidou’s room isn't too far from here so he better not be complaining of strange noises when we change shifts.” With that and a nonchalant wave the needle specialist went back to resume his post.

The teacher finally turned to look at the person on the other side of the door. The pale figure studied him intensely. Iruka sighed and glared at him. “Oh for heaven's sake! Your favorite soup is miso with eggplant and Bull loves it when you scratch his armpits- he instantly flops onto his side and kicks his right back leg. This isn't a genjutsu, ok.” There was no way an imposter would know personal little details like that. Sure maybe they could get lucky about one of Kakashi’s favorite foods but not Bull. There was no way of knowing that unless you interacted with the massive beast on a close level. Very few did.

Kakashi said nothing. Once he deemed that there had indeed been no jutsu at work, he pulled the other inside and quickly my shut the door. Almost immediately after he freed the lower half of his face from the mask with a harsh tug. He closed in on the other and kissed him. Calloused fingers caressed dark skin, feeling the flesh covering cheekbones heat up under his touch. Arms snaked around the thin frame and held on tightly.

“What are you doing here?” Kakashi pressed his forehead gently against Iruka’s and deeply breathed in through his nose. He could smell faint traces of cedar, pine and oak. He smelled home. He also discerned notes of sandalwood, ink and chalk- all scents that were clearly Iruka.

“Tsunade summoned me via jutsu.” He let his fingers clutch that the fabric that clung to the other. He gave in to his selfish desire to be close in physical contact with the other. He would chide himself about jumping the gun later. The emotions were just so raw and he just wanted to feel rather think at that moment. “I have officially been designated as the voice of reason when it comes to Naruto. The raikage wasn't thrilled about it, but I think that had more to do with Tsunade-sama not telling him until I showed up after meeting the boy and Killer B.” There was a hint of laughter and slight sarcasm in his voice. What was more evident, however, was exhaustion. It wasn't obvious but his voice was softer with pauses that lasted a millisecond longer than normal. To any stranger they wouldn't be able to tell but Kakashi wasn't.

He continued to keep his forehead pressed against the other’s. He closed his eyes and his fingers went up to those dark brown locks of hair that he loved so much. “She transported you all the way from Konoha? Damn. That knucklehead of yours must have been acting like a real pain in the ass.” He heard Iruka grumble an insult at him and he smirked. “Have you eaten yet? They don't have ramen here but the noodle dish that is the local specialty is pretty decent.” He pulled away just enough to look into those muddy eyes that always managed to cut deep into his core. “I had planned to skip dinner because I don't like my meals turning into political meetings and I have had enough strategic planning for one day. But I am pretty sure I can make an excuse that warrants for room delivery.”

The exhaustion on his face lightened at the talk of food. He hadn't realized with everything that went on today that he had hardly eaten at all today- just a couple crab apples he picked from the tear near the academy. He had been in a rush that morning and didn't have time for a proper meal. He had been lucky the fruit had been ripe and ready for picking. It was shortly after the start of the school day that an Anbu messenger had arrived and so started the whirlwind string of events that left him no time to think about himself.

“Food sounds amazing.” He wanted to mourn at the lose of the other’s comfortable warmth but he knew that they couldn’t keep standing by the door the rest of the night. Without having to focus all his energy and concentration on calming down a very rowdy and stubborn former student Iruka’s body was finally starting to feel just how exhausted he was. Naruto was always a handful but having that combined with the added stress of war on the horizon took an even greater toll on him. He stretched his arms over his head. “Not sure if I’ll be up for much conversation tonight. But one thing's for certain- I need a shower because I think I smell like wet turtle.”

Giving a rather sly smirk Kakashi came into his personal space once more. He let his nose ghost lightly against the skin of his neck. He chuckled as Iruka’s body became wrought with tension as blush crept down past his ears. “Nope. No turtle. More like skunk.” he teased. “Sadly this room has a private bath so I can't be rude and kick you out because of your stink.” His laugh grew louder as he ducked to avoid the fist aimed for him. Seeing that playful irritation made Kakashi feel light and as if they were back at home. He knew it was stupid to ignore the reality around them and that it was extremely selfish of him to be able to spend the night with someone he cared about when those he would soon command were forced to wait until after the fighting was finished, and that was if they were lucky enough to survive. For once he would allow himself this without allowing his inner demons to naw at him with guilt and self doubt. Plus, after what happened the last time he saw Iruka he would be a fool to kick this gift horse in the mouth. He would happily let Genma cash in on that favor whenever the other came to collect.

He left Iruka to make sure the toiletries that had been provided were visible and within easy access. He was a simple man in that a bar of soap was plenty for his hair and his body. He didn't shave when out on missions so he never bothered to pack a razor or lathers since no one would be able to tell due to his mask anyway. Seeing the various little bottles when he first settled into the room has been a bit puzzling at first but he was thankful he hadn't thrown them out. Soon the other appeared just outside the doorway, eyes filled with wonderment as he took in the stone walls and tub, and the combination of metal and wood fixtures that seemed to blend in organically.

Right, he’s never been to the Land of Lightning. He doesn't know their style of architecture.

“This is nothing. You should see some of the onsen. I’ll have to take you sometime.” He hadn't realized he had spoken. It took a few moments for his brain to catch up with his mouth. It took the look on Iruka’s face for that to happen. That wonderment grew ten fold. It was a mixture of childish glee, shock and awe. His face flushed the darkest he had ever seen it and he was pretty sure the other wasn't aware of it. Or maybe he was because after their eyes locked for a moment the teacher turned his body so that he was no longer directly facing him.

“I--Th--thank you for the offer.”

Had he said something wrong? He replayed what he had said over and over again in his mind. It seemed innocent enough. He had been stating a fact. Had he messed-up and said something he shouldn't? The more he studied the other's body language: how stiff he had become, that he was trying to not obviously shift his weight between legs, how he kept purposely looking away at anything that wasn't him.

Oh.

Sure what he said was innocent enough but only on the surface. And there would have been any other way to interpret it typically… except that wasn't the case anymore. It can no longer seem to be a casual vacation between friends; not when you have had said friend’s tongue down his throat, and dreamt about tearing their clothing with a kunai in order the speed up the undressing process and attacking their naked flesh with hands, lips and teeth on more than one occasion. No, an offer to go to an onsen would lead to a possibly intimate situation.

“Only if you want to go, of course.” He kept his voice calm and steady, as if he wasn't extremely nervous, self aware of the awkwardness and suddenness of implications that had been implied. Of course that was complete horse shit because he was mentally kicking himself. “I’ll track down someone about getting dinner without being dragged into yet another meeting.” He knew he probably seemed rude for being so curt and heading straight out the bathroom and subsequently out of the guest room. He was never the best at social interactions or how to read body language cues that didn't not signal a threat or were blatantly obvious sexual advances. Things with Iruka were treading into foreign territory and he had no idea how he was to navigate. He hoped the other would understand… once he explained it to him when he came back.

Thankfully it hadn't taken long for Kakashi to track down an aide. With the kage of the five great shinobi villages all present under one roof the visiting dignitary procedures would have been put into place, even without much warning as was the case. With that would involve calling upon caterers or kitchen staff (if the hosting nation’s kage had such already in service) to be available upon request by any of the visitors. It turned out the raikage prefered having an in house staff, and that worked greatly in Kakashi’s favor. He was able to get portions of the meal that was to be held in the banquet sent to his quarters. He knew there would be questions as to why he wanted more than one portion, especially given his physique he was prepared for that. He flatly said he would be studying maps of the terrain well into the early hours of the morning and prefered to do so privately and not be disturbed. He was glad to be a genius or else he would have been dumb enough to say that it was for himself and his lover and that was why he would be absent from the dining hall.

He had to pause at the thought. Was it correct to refer to Iruka as his lover? Isn't that what you call your serious partner, especially after sex is included into the relationship? They definitely haven't had sex- he was pretty sure he would remember if they had. Hell, they still haven't even gone on an official date and he was ready to kill Tobi himself for getting in the way of that. They clearly had a strong emotional connection; there was no denying that. And he wanted their relationship to become serious. This was not something he would do half heartedly. Iruka was worth more than that and deserved all or nothing from him, at least that was how he felt about it. Then again they have already made out and he really like how aggressive the other has been. It had been one of the best good kind of surprises he had in recent memory. He had thought he knew the other pretty well but being pounced upon was something he had not expected and it caught completely off guard… and he liked it. He never once assumed Iruka would be submissive in any way based on how hot and cool his personality was. He was curious to discover new things about him and the one thing Kakashi had always wanted more than anything from a partner was to be challenged. He might finally have that with Iruka.

He lingered away from his room a little bit longer than intended because he needed to clear his head, plus give the other some semblance of privacy. He needed to plan and prepare himself mentally for whatever conversation might occur once he returned. He had left things in a rather awkward state and he didn’t stick around to find out.

_Typical cowardice as usual. How do you expect things to progress the way you want them to if you keep up this bullshit? Maybe try something radical for once and stick around!_

He sighed heavily. He knew he needed to deal with things regardless of how uncomfortable they made him. What was it that both Minato-sensei and Tenzou constantly told him? ‘The only way to grow and change the things you dislike about yourself is to confront them, not matter how much something new might frighten you’. Kakashi rarely felt fear except now it came in the form of the one living person he treasured most. He feared hurting him, letting him see just how much of a disgusting, broken individual he truly was. Most of all, he feared how deeply Iruka burrowed his way into his very core and forced him to look at himself. He wanted to change and that scarred him.

When he returned he was surprised to find the other sitting on the bed. His head was covered by a towel and he was busy rubbing it over his hair. And he was only wearing his underwear. He could feel his face heat up as his mask became extremely uncomfortable. His eye could not preventing itself from gazing at that tan skin, tracing the curves of defined muscles, and the thickness of his thighs and calves. It took so much of his willpower to suppress the moan that he felt welling up in the back of his throat.

Iruka had been a bit relieved when the other had left when he had. He had been stunned when he made the offer to take him to an onsen. He didn’t recall ever expressing to the other just how much he loved them. The feeling of lounging around in yukata on tatami matts after long relaxing soaks in the mineral hot springs was pure bliss to him. Then his brain had almost immediately gone south- sharing a room with him, seeing his naked body glistening from the water, being able to wash his back… he had been extremely surprised that he hadn’t pounced on the man in that tiny bathroom or have a nose bleed and collapse from blood loss. He really must have been hanging around Kakashi too long if his mind became so perverse so suddenly. Lude thoughts weren’t uncommon to him, just going from zero to one hundred in the blink of an eye was. Maybe it was just all from stress.

_More like pent up sexual frustration. Ever since you first realized you were falling for him you haven’t hooked up with anyone. Doesn’t help that you now know what he’s been hiding under that mask and you haven’t been able to fully take advantage like you want. Kissing isn’t enough and you know it._

Wrestling with his loins and his brain was always a constant battle for him. He wasn’t a serial flirt like Genma nor have low bedding standards like Anko. He just usually went after what he wanted, when he wanted it, but kept it discreet. However he hadn’t felt the things he had for Kakashi in a very long time. That was why he was struggling so much. This was uncharted territory for them both. Things would change, were already changing, and soon there would be no turning back. He wanted to do things “properly” according to societal norms, especially because he had no clue how Kakashi was in a relationship. Contrary to popular belief the older man was not as big of a pervert as everyone thought. Oh he was still a pervert, but admitting that he would use an ‘Icha Icha’ cover to hide other forms of literature in order to be left alone made Iruka laugh the first time he heard that because it was sheer genius.

Hearing him return, Iruka rested the towel around his shoulders. He looked over at Kakashi and smiled. It was genuine because if he was being honest he was extremely happy to be near him again even if it was awkward for a few hours and would make things filled with more worry once he got back home. He then had to give the other an inquisitive look. Kakashi was staring at him and in a really unsettling way. Almost as if he were a piece of meat and Kakashi was a wild animal sizing him. Realization quickly dawned on him of what that looked could possibly mean and the fact that Kakashi hadn't blinked yet cemented it. His smile grew wider, beaming with sweet innocence and deep routed mischief. This had been the grin he had perfected when he first began his career as Konoha’s legendary prankster.

“Oh I hope you don't mind.” His voice all but dripped with the sugary syrup of mock politeness. “I’m just so exhausted and the bed just look too comfortable to not sit on.” He kept up the act but he could see the brief twitch in the corner of his eye. Now maybe Kakashi would understand what it felt like to be on the receiving end of such “harassment”.

He felt his mouth go dry. When Iruka spoke he was overrun with a plethora of emotions. The most prominent one because that he had a sneaking suspicion the teacher was messing with him. And that was making him annoyed, flustered, confused and strangely a little bit aroused. Damn, now he understood possibly why Iruka would blow up at him so spectacularly. This was not a comfortable feeling.

“Stop.” He steeled his nerves and forced himself to stop looking at parts of Iruka and to actually look at the man instead. “Don't start something you don't have time to finish.” He pulled down his mask and kept eye contact. “And remember, we promised not to disturb Raidou.” Without another word he started to take off his sandals. If Iruka wanted to play games then he would play right back. He hated losing in general and he had no intention to break first, even if losing would mean that he would be touching that marvelous skin and dream worthy hair. Iruka needed to wear his hair down more often.

He could almost hear the indignant huff the other made as he stopped paying him any attention and instead chose to go over to the small table in the middle of the room. He would have prefered to lay on the floor next to it with the book he had brought with him but that was in his pack, which was near the bed by Iruka. He would just have to stare at the ceiling while waiting out their game. He was a very patient man, after all. He stretched out his arms over his head and started to make light work of counting in his mind. He could almost feel the tension and irritation radiating from the other and he did not hide his grin.

“Smug bastard.” Iruka muttered under his breath. He wanted to beat Kakashi at his own game and he would have made a better effort to keep up the fight but his weariness was taking hold. So instead he just made a remark that was both a half-hearted tease but also held a bit of truth to it. “Just for that I might not let you come to bed tonight.” He could see that smirk falter a bit and that made him laugh out loud a little.

“We’re sharing tonight. Apparently you didn't get the full extent of Genma’s memo.” He looked over and saw the blush on that caramel skin and he totally felt like he had achieved victory. “Besides I’m not going to let you sleep on the floor, and I am fairly certain you will make the same argument for me.” He sat up and looked seriously at the other, his tone no longer joking. “I do genuinely want this. But I can understand if you would feel more comfortable sleeping alone. I’ll get comfortable here.”

Kakashi deserved to pat himself on the back. He decided to be honest with himself and there wasn't an injury or lack of chakra to prompt it. It wasn't as terrifying as he thought. It still was, especially since he gave Iruka an out, and if he chose to be alone Kakashi would have been a little hurt. That was miniscule in comparison to the relief he felt from being so direct. It helped that he didn't have to guess anymore about the feelings they had for each other. He liked this lightness and he would have to remember to do this more often. Maybe change wasn't so bad afterall.

How quickly Kakashi switched from playful banter and teasing to seriousness caught Iruka off guard. While he was honored that Kakashi was being so open and honest, especially without nearly dying as a reason, he wasn't expecting it. He really did want to share his bed and if Iruka was honest with himself he wanted that as well. Iruka usually hated sharing a bed overnight with his partners so he rarely did. Kakashi was different. Even though he had climbed through his window injured in the middle of the night, his warmth pressed against him and arms wrapped around him had been an amazing feeling to wake up to. They didn't have to do anything in bed because just that alone was enough. “You’re not sleeping on the floor.” He said matter of factly. “It might be a tight fit but you need to take advantage of a mattress while you can.”

“Maa sensei, I hope I’m not too big for you.”

Iruka narrowed his eyes at that smiling face. No matter how much he was enjoying being able to see that open grin that was a secret to the rest of the world, he grabbed the damp towel from around his neck and chucked it at him. He then let a grin of his own tug at his lips.

Never having been to Kumogakure, not knowing their local dishes was understandable. Kakashi had to explain many of the dishes. It became obvious that both Iruka loved learning and was also quite eager to try many of them- except pho. Even though he fudged comparing the rice noodle soup dish to ramen (Kakashi personally thought this was significantly better than ramen), he could still see Iruka wrestling with trying it; as if doing so would be betraying his beloved Ichiraku. He sighed with relief when he finally tasted it and said he enjoyed it but still preferred ramen. Kakashi would take the small victory.

Things started to get a bit awkward when tiredness took hold of them. The bed wasn’t very large at all- meant for only a single occupant and not two. They had to negotiate who would sleep where and eventually they settled on Kakashi being on the side next to the wall so he could feel more safe and not so exposed. Because the space wasn’t very wide they ended up pressed closely against one another, a fact that did not go unnoticed by either of them. Iruka’s face became a constant shade of red and it always seemed like he had an itch as he kept rubbing the bridge of his nose. Kakashi’s body was tense and his breathing came in fast and shallow.

They were floundering even more when they both realized they hadn’t turned off the lights, and the switch wasn’t near either of them. Kakashi kept trying to get it but Iruka insisted he lay back down, pushing him down in fact. They ended up constantly struggling until the jounin grabbed one of Iruka’s wrists and held it down over his head and used his own body weight to pin him down to the mattress. The intimacy of their positions didn’t dawn on them at first. It wasn’t until they both stopped struggling and took a moment to process that it hit them. Iruka quickly turned his head to look away. His heart was pounding loudly in his ears. He could feel Kakashi just staring at him and that intense gaze caused him to fidget a little.

“Screw the light…”

The words were spoken ever so softly. For a moment Iruka was almost positive that he didn’t hear him. He looked up and he could see something in that storm colored eye that he hadn’t fully seen before. He couldn’t place it. All he knew was that Kakashi had never looked at him like he was at that very moment, and even though it made him extremely uncomfortable it also set his skin ablaze and made him transfixed, feeling lost the longer they held eye contact. He liked this combination immensely.

Kakashi didn’t let go of his wrist. He liked having his arm over his head, seeing him in such a state. With his other hand he let his fingers run through that long hair, curving around an ear before cupping his cheek. There was something happening the instant they locked eyes. All his senses started firing and his fingertips tingled the longer he kept contact. His body was running hot and his heart was pulling so tight in his chest. He didn't not question himself when he leaned down to capture the other’s lips. Unlike when they were last together in Konoha there was no urgency. He had lust but it wasn't overwhelming him and his emotions were not firing on overdrive like they had been that night. This time while it was still not the best of circumstances he had every intention to just simply feel.

The lack of urgency had been unexpected and it was something Iruka wasn't used to. He was used to being aggressive out of pure unadulterated need- be it because he was extremely horny or to just pull a “one and done” with a rather lackluster partner and get it out of the way. It was different this time. That look Kakashi had bore into his soul calmed his mind and body, silently telling him there was no need to rush as well as pouring a new set of emotions into him: caring, devotion, protection, love. It filled his chest and made his heart skip a beat. There was no need to hurry; it was okay to take time. No one was going anywhere. Even though his brain knew they would be parting once more when the sun rose that one look maybe all those worries go away.

He returned the kiss, letting his eyes close and his body fully relax under the other. He could feel himself melting, those lips too incredibly soft for their own good. He let his hand lay on the back of his neck, fingers twirling the little silver hairs at his nape. His senses were consumed with everything that was him- his taste, his scent, his touch, the slightly wet sounds of their mouths as they continued their deep exploration. He felt himself naturally arching up into him, wanting to close any open space between them. He made a muffled sound when he felt fingers run through his hair. It grew into a moan as he felt teeth nibble and tug at his bottom lip. He never realized that was an act that would arouse him, as no had ever done that before. He liked it.

Kakashi made sure to milk out and swallow every sound he made. He enjoyed letting his hand roam through those long and surprisingly silky locks, resisting the urge to grab a fistful and tug a little forcefully. Now was not the time to explore sexual kinks. Now was the time to just be, to cement into memory what they were fighting to save in the upcoming war.

He moved the fingers that were wrapped around the strong wrist, gently stroking the smooth skin before sliding up. Calloused pads caressed his palm before finding their way to nestle in the spaces between fingers. They closed and squeezed gently but firm, reassuring. He couldn't vocalize all that he was feeling, all that was consuming him inside but he hoped that small action would be enough to convey it. When he felt the other’s close around his and return the action he felt his heart flutter. He understood and that reassured Kakashi words than words ever could.

He fought against opening his sharingan eye. He wanted to record this moment, to burn into memory this moment and use it as motivation to survive. He didn't because he couldn't go into battle without his full amount of chakra intact. But in truth he really didn't need Obito’s eye in order to remember. He had his other senses to remind him- the warmth of their hands interlaced, the texture of those umber tresses, the taste of his saliva mingling with his own, the sounds he pulled from deep in his throat, those chestnut eyes filled with fierce determination, compassion and understand that always knew how to cut deep into his soul and drag him out of the darkness. No, he didn’t need the Uchiha’s help in remembering Iruka. The younger man impressioned himself into his psyche all on his own.

Soon they needed to part due to needing air. It was reluctant on both their parts but they needed to breathe and it wouldn’t useful if they couldn’t. Iruka’s pupils were blown wide and he was panting, chest rising and falling rapidly. Kakashi looked similar though he couldn’t help but smile looking down at his handiwork, seeing Iruka’s lips were tinted red and kiss swollen.

“That was…” Iruka was gasping, trying to catch his breath. “...wow.” His mind was spinning, trying to catch up with the rest of his body. He had made out with plenty of people in the past but never had any been like that, where he literally felt like all the oxygen had been stolen from his lungs, his senses were heightened and fully aware, where his skin tingled and felt more alive than at any other moment in his life. “How are you so good at this?”

Kakashi continued to grin. A soft chuckle rumbled through his chest. He squeezed his hand. With his other hand he cupped a tan cheek. Slowly he placed a kiss on the corner of his mouth, then slowly along his jaw. “So good at what?” There was a hint of mirth in his voice.

Iruka felt himself shiver as those lips trailed down. “This.” He couldn’t fight the moan that escaped him as he felt that hot mouth suck on his neck.

“What’s ‘this’?” The jounin chuckled before letting his tongue lap at the dark flesh. He then nibbled it gently. It caused the other to moan and he did it again, biting down a bit harder. He was enjoying to effect that he was having on him. It was all so new and exciting, and curious at the same time. Kakashi had always prefered foreplay to the actual deed. He was able to learn so much more about a person from it.

Iruka’s body shook desire. He could hear himself getting louder and he knew that couldn’t happen. He tightened his hold on the metallic hairs at the back of the other’s neck. He pulled only just enough to get his attention. “You’re such an ass, you know that.” He tried to glare at him, but he was having trouble doing so. He was still feeling the rush of endorphins and his body was on fire from every touch the other placed. He saw that smirk grow wider and he really tried to keep a poker face, but he was failing.

“You knew that from the get-go.”

“Not the point.”

Kakashi let out a soft laugh. He turned his face so that he could meet the other’s eyes. He leaned leaned down again and pressed his lips softly against his. He kept the kiss chaste and sweet, not with the same exploratory lust the previous ones had contained. “To answer your question seriously,” he began. “I like this sort of thing. A lot actually. Wouldn't do much good if I were bad at it. I did also have plenty of fantastic encouragement.” He squeezed the other’s hand to emphasize his point. “Far better than I expected, honestly.”

He was hoping Kakashi just used a poor choice of wording and was not intentionally trying g to offend him. Because if he realized how he sounded and if Iruka didn't know him and his awkwardness when it came to interpersonal communication he would have punched the man in the jaw. He was going to hope it was the latter. “Did you expect me to just do nothing and moan like a cat in heat?” No matter how much slack he was giving Iruka still couldn't hide the offense in his tone. Apparently Kakashi caught on rather quickly.

“No, far from it!” Kakashi was rushing, realizing he did something to upset him. That was the last thing he wanted tonight. He wanted to night to end on a good note before bloodshed and distance would tear them apart for who knows how long. He didn't want to go into battle with his mind clouded with second guessing and self doubt. That would not do him any favors on the front line. “I honestly didn't know what to expect. I assumed you wouldn't be submissive and just do nothing, but I wasn't sure. I mean, based on how well we knew each other as friends I could make logical guesses but sometimes people are different in, well, this context. So I-ah- you are really good at this too, ok!”

Iruka could not contain the soft gently laughter he was experiencing from seeing the normally stoic warrior instantly unravel into a flustered and blubbering mess. He found it oddly adorable. Maybe it was because he was able to see this side of him when most did not. He brought their joined hand to his lips and kissed Kakashi’s knuckles. “For the record, I am only totally submissive when I want to be, which isn't very often. Are you okay with that?” it was a serious question, one he constantly had to deal with partners. Many were presumptuous that he was completely submissive behind closed doors just because of his teaching position. Why working with children made people assume that he never understood. They quickly learned he was far from that. Being on his own from a young age forced him to be tough, assertive, and a bit aggressive in getting what he wanted. That wasn't to say he didn't have it in him to be completely subservient; that took a ton of trust and respect that he frankly never found in a partner. And he wasn't about change his ways now… no matter how safe he felt at that moment in the other’s arms.

The jounin nodded. “I wouldn't expect you to be someone that you’re not. I have known and respected you for far too long to suddenly want you to take on a specific role that isn't you. Hell, if I am going to be honest…” He leaned in and let his lips brush against Iruka’s earlobe. “Your aggressiveness is both surprising and quickly becoming a huge turn on. I have always enjoyed challenging you but this is at a whole new level that is very, very sexy.”

He could feel his face heating up. He felt extremely flustered, overwhelmed, embarrassed and flattered all at once. All Iruka could do was turn his head to look away if he was to maintain any sense of composure. He knew he was decently attractive most most of them time he was referred to as cute or sweet. Never sexy. He didn't know how to handle it. “Really? You don't want someone you can dominate?”

Hearing the soft laughter made him feel all the more insecure. He wanted to just shrink into himself and hide. This was all so new and different. He was half naked in bed, in a foreign country, experiencing by far the best makeout session of his life with the man who was probably his best friend (Genma and Anko were family so they didn't count). He was still grappling with the fact that they both liked each other in a non platonic fashion, let alone not give in to his inner man-whore and possibly rush things and ruin them with sex… even if making out gave the slightest hint that the sex would be beyond amazing.

He felt a sharp pain on his forehead. He had been so consumed by this thoughts that he hadn't sensed Kakashi’s movement to flick at him. He scowled and rubbed his forehead.

“Sometimes I have to question how you were ever allowed to teach children. “ There was no bitterness or malice in his voice. The same hand that caused pain gently soothed over the very spot. “If I wanted someone I could easily dominate and manipulate I wouldn't be here. Those are a dime a dozen and yet extremely dull. Absolutely no fun at all.” He let his the back of his hand smoothed down his cheek in an act of tenderness. “And I am exactly where I want to be. Well, maybe not in Kumo, but you know what I mean. Plus, I have always wanted to explore power play.”

Iruka knew the grin the other was giving him was meant to be serious. However he couldn't help but burst out into laughter. It just seemed so funny to him. Honestly everything at that moment did. The laughter must have been his body's way to unleash the tension. Thankfully Kakashi wasn't offended because he started laughing too. Soon the laughter transformed into moans as hot mouths and wet tongues resumed their explorations.

 

He wasn't sure what time it was when Iruka felt himself rousing from sleep. His back was pressed against a warm hard body, pale slender yet firm arm wrapped around his waist. It took him a few moments to remind himself that he wasn't home in Konoha. He didn't want to leave their little bubble but reality wouldn't make an exception for them. He did his best to ease out of the tiny bed as silently as possible as to not disturb the slumbering specimen of human perfection. He was proud of himself for being able to dress as quietly as he had. He had been terrified that the wooden floorboards would creak loudly in a quiet room at any given moment.

He was standing in front of the bathroom mirror getting his hair into its usually pulled back style when he felt the familiar presence in the doorway.

“Don’t.”

He looked at the older man, confused by the words. His hands were up in his hair, gathering the loose strands. His hair tie held between his front teeth. Kakashi came up to him and took the band.

Pale lips came to gently encapsulate tan. Iruka’s hands came down and wrapped around the other’s neck. No matter how amazing this felt it couldn't stop the tightening knot in his chest. The gravity of their situation was hitting him harder now than the night Kakashi shipped out. Maybe it had been a mistake to see him one last time. No matter how it might think that he knew in his heart it hadn't been a mistake. He wouldn't have hated himself if he had spent the night and not sought the other out, and he knew Kakashi would be incredibly hurt if he heard through other sources that he had been in the village and not even so much as gotten into his line of sight. He hadn't realized that tears were streaming down his face. Not even when the sweet and amazing kisses ceased, their foreheads were pressed together and that melodic baritone was whispering incomprehensible words of comfort.

He felt lips under his eyes and that was when he realized Kakashi was kissing them away. He hated being so weak. He was going home. Kakashi was the one who was going to be in the thick of it. What did he need to be crying for?

Kakashi held up the hair tie. Instead of handing it back to him, he made sure Iruka watched as he slipped the dark elastic around his fair wrist. “I’m borrowing this.” His voice showed no hints of the internal anguish that was consuming him. Iruka with his salt stained face looked exactly how he felt. The first goodbye had been terribly hard. This one was pure torture but he wouldn't have it any other way. Now his motivation and drive was clearer than ever. “This way I have no excuse to not come back home.”

The chuunin wiped at his eyes as he tried to compose himself. He made a mock snort at those words. “You better give that back. That’s my favorite one.”

“You better wear your hair down next time I see you. That way I can return it to you properly.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I took some liberties and based the artwork in the Raikage's compunded off of the Japanese thunder god, Raijin. I also wanted to make them a bit more south east asian since the nin of Kumogakure have darker skin- hence Pho being the specialty noodle dish.


	11. There are no true winners or losers

War was always a complicated thing, there was no denying that. But this one made complicated seem easy. It was the buried darkness, the fears and regrets every shinobi tries to forget but holds close to their hearts, manifested in an exquisitely grotesque symphony of carnage. War changes everyone. It stirps away pride, presitge, and humility. It makes one take a good hard look at themselves and confront who they truly are. 

It made Kakashi remember that he was a failure. 

When Tobi removed his mask all Kakashi could do was hold himself back from falling to his knees and weep. All those years he sought guidance and solace were a lie. He had spoken to the void of emptiness. He had shared all his worries and regrets, his struggles and pain, his hopes and desires, and how he was positive he found the one person who could lessen his burden. It had all been to no one.

What hurt him more was that he could have done more back them. He hadn’t wanted to leave him there, alone and scared. He knew they could have rescued him but they had no time; the damage had been deemed too great. Rin and Minato-sensei had said so. He even told him himself. Why would a dying man lie about their fate? He questioned but always obeyed. If only he hadn’t been so loyal. If only he could have disobeyed that one time…

Obito reminded him of everything he had ever done wrong. It wasn’t just from seeing him standing there, and not from a resurrection jutsu. He also verbally lashed out at him, slicing away all his defenses as he reminded him of his second greatest failure. The Uchiha haunted him during the day and Rin tormented him through his dreams. He always woke up screaming; his hand clenched in the air, the sting of electricity pulsing through his fingertips, the phantom warmth of blood sliding down his arm. He could still feel the last moments of her heart pulsing. Now Obito reminded him again and again about how Kakashi had killed the woman he loved. He had always know the feelings his former friend had for the kunoichi, and after his “passing” he thought he had felt the same. It had been nothing more than misplaced grief and obligation to fill a void the other had left.

He did not want to fight. He deserved to be smited. However his honed shinobi training instinctively forced him to defend himself. His body blocked, deflected and countered every blow automatically. His ingrained discipline for survival overruled his desire to give up on the battlefield. The horror of seeing his dearest friend, hearing his venomous words that cut through like a hot blade, and then seeing his beloved mentor risen from that dead would be enough to break any man. It should have broken him; it almost did. Even after Minato-sensei broke free from the hold over him and sided with the Allied Shinobi Forces,  joined with him and urged him to fight through the darkness it still wasn’t enough.  

He was performing the seals for a ninjutsu when he just happened to glance down at his hands.  It was for a split second but his eyes caught a brief glimpse of a brown cord starkly contrasting against his pale flesh. 

 _Iruka_  

Visions of the school teacher flashed before his eyes. That charming smile, those hopeful brown eyes, that rich velvety laugh. That shattered the abyss that was consuming him. It reminded him of what he was fighting for- to preserve the happiness that the people of this world deserve. And he was one of them. He wasn’t perfect but even he deserved a little bit of joy in his life; he had suffered and sacrificed more than anyone else and it was time that he allowed himself to be happy. That was what Iruka told him. Remembering that man and his steadfast belief in the will of fire helped pull him out of the darkness. Remembering the warmth of his touch, the smell of his hair, the softness of his lips, the stillness and peace of holding him in his arms, that is what fueled him to fight on. He had ever intention to return home to those welcoming arms and never leave.  
  


 

 

It had been the dead of night when it happened. Iruka looked up into the sky to look at the moon.  Suddenly it glowed the purest white he had ever seen. It lit up the night sky and illuminated everything around him. There were no longer any shadows, no places to hide. The brilliance was beautiful and enveloped him in a warm embrace. He felt his conscious drift as if blinking for a brief moment. 

The next thing he knew he was home, sitting on his couch. His lap felt abnormally warm and heavy. He looked down and saw the familiar site of a tan canine in a blue vest. He was confused but felt himself reaching down to lightly stroke the animal’s head. It stirred and rolled over, exposing his belly. 

“I want tummy touches, sensei! You give way better scratches than Boss.” 

“I heard that.” 

Iruka nearly snapped his neck as he looked over towards the source of the sound. He saw the ninken’s “boss” leaning against the doorframe entrance to his bedroom. Arms folded across a bare chest, loose sleeping pants covering his lower lanky frame. That silver hair was as uncontrollable as ever. Even though his voice had been stern there was a genuine grin on his face. It was contagious because Iruka couldn’t help but smile as well.

“But it’s true! And you like when he touches you too.”

Slowly Kakashi pushed himself off of the frame. Languidly he made his way over to stop at the back of the couch. “Yes, that is true. But I like to touch him more.” He brought out a hand and let it stroke his hair. The teacher couldn’t help but close his eyes and lean back into the touch. It felt so tender and soothing. He could feel the other lean over. He looked up and was greeted with the sight of the other’s bare face hovering above his own. He lost himself in that steely eye. His heart fluttered in his chest as that grin softened into a loving tug of lips. The hand on his hair slipped down over his ear and caressed his chin. The older man moved in closer and captured his mouth in a tender kiss.

“You two are worse than bitches in heat.” Bisuke quipped. “I never get much time alone with sensei anymore. I’m starting to you do it on purpose.” The dog wiggled and rolled back onto his stomach. A soft chuckle came from the pale chest and reverberated through the cushions of the sofa. 

“ _Now_ you’re starting to think that? I thought it had been pretty obvious.” 

Iruka was almost positive he heard Bisuke sigh. He didn’t know it was possible for canines to do that but he was pretty sure the ninken did just that.  “Moving in with sensei also meant that _we_ get time with him.  He’s our new boss too, not just yours, you know. I’m gonna talk to the pack about arranging a schedule since you won’t play fair.” Without waiting for a reply the animal disappeared in a puff of smoke.  

“So I’m your Boss now?” Iruka turned his body to face Kakashi, giving him a look that was a combination of mischief and mirth. He could see how the other shuddered a little the longer they kept eye contact. That made him grin stupidly. 

“It’s better than having them constantly call you my mate. They seem to like you a lot more than me so I’m allowing them to think that.” Kakashi leaned forward and let his lips ghost across the shell of a tan ear. “Plus, I love it when you get bossy in bed.” Teeth grazed the smooth cartilage before pulling away. A look of pure lust danced across that lone eye. Slowly he pulled away and started to walk backwards, never breaking eye contact. 

He felt himself shiver with arousal as those words were breathed across his skin. He saw the twinkle in the other’s eye and did everything he could to keep himself rooted in his seat. He kept their eyes locked as he watched the other slink backwards to the room he just came from. He felt every muscle in his body tensing with anticipation and excitement. He watched and waited patiently until he had disappeared from view. Iruka slowly counted to the number ten in his mind. Once he reached it he vaulted over the sofa and dashed after Kakashi. He stopped in the doorway and just watched the other man, observing than lean but muscularly fit frame as he sat on the edge of the bed, his bed. No, their bed. This was their bedroom, their apartment, their pack. Kakashi was his and he was Kakashi’s. A feral grin spread across his face as he processed that.

  
  
  
  


The elite jounin used all his focus and strength of will when combating his former friend. He used his years of honed techniques to push forward and finally gained the upperhand in the battle. He would no longer listen to that voice of self pity. He would no longer allow himself to feel doubt and worthlessness. He would no longer let his mistakes tie him down. He would finally forgive himself, even if the Uchiha never would. With a new ferocity he countered and took control like a deadly viper. He pinned Obito and all it would take was one strike, one final blow in order to end it all. His eyes were wild with bloodlust and he knew then that he would not hesitate. With one well aimed thrust of his blade he would finally be free from all the pain and regrets that have plagued him incessantly day in and day out for years. 

“This isn’t the way.” 

Those words and hands on his shoulders pulled him back from the brink. He felt Minato-sensei behind him, telling him not to kill him. He slowly blinked and allowed his former mentor to pull him away. He stared at the other blankly for what felt like an eternity. But soon he was reminded of the war raging around him, and of Naruto- Minato’s precious son and Iruka’s kin. Soon even Obito began to understand everything that was unfolding and reluctantly agreed to offer aide, reforming their former unit once more. 

He did everything he could not to scream out in agony as Obito’s eye was ripped out of him. It was more than just losing a physical piece of himself; it now felt like he had lost some of his identity. And yet that eye was never his to begin with, so who was he now in reality? He had no time to contemplate that as soon he felt a warmth entering into him.  He blinked and looked up, seeing Naruto. He blinked again realizing that he was seeing the young man with _both_ eyes. He had no words, and how could he. The boy just did the impossible and just greeted Kakashi with that stupid grin of his. He would ask questions later once the fighting was done.

  
  
  
  


Iruka watched as the jounin leaned back, resting on his arms. The motion opened up his front and left him extremely exposed, both physically and emotionally. It was a large sign of trust and the other did not take that for granted. The younger man came forward and climbed into his lap, his thighs straddling toned hips. Rough honey colored hands buried themselves in a lake of metallic strands. The action pulled a deep throated moan and so he repeated it. He could do that for hours- run his fingers through Kakashi’s hair, listening to the sounds of pure erotic enjoyment he made, feel the warmth of those arms wrapped around his back that held him in place. Being so flush against the other was quickly trumping the onsen as his favorite place to be in the entire world. If he could selfishly have his way they would never part unless it was necessary. 

“Mmm… ‘Ruka…” That deep baritone was raspy and rumbled low in his throat. Hearing his name abbreviated in such a way sent tingles down his spine in a way he never felt before. Sure Anko and Genma constantly gave him nicknames (some more cutesy than others) but they never affected him quite like that. The feeling was strange but he quite liked it. He couldn’t stop himself from wiggling in the other’s lap. 

A rich laugh left Kakashi’s lips. It was infectious and Iruka couldn’t help but do the same. They mixed into the air like a joyous melody, light and carefree. Kakashi let himself fall back onto the mattress, allowing his arms the freedom to snake around his lover. Iruka’s dark tendrils fell forward, covering his face and he pouted a bit before pushing them back with his hand. The other laughed again, even as he brought his nose to nuzzle against the crook of his neck. 

“I love you.” 

Iruka’s body froze. The muscles tensed and went rigid after hearing those words.  Maybe the other had misspoke? Chestnut eyes were wide with confusion and he pulled away just far enough so that he could look down his partner. It didn’t go unnoticed. 

“C-Could you repeat that?” His voice came out strangled, filled with hesitation and uncertainty. Rough and battle scarred hands cupped his face tenderly. The forced him to look at the other. An expression of seriousness and love was cemented on pale features. 

“I love you.” 

Seeing the earnestness and devotion shining in that steel tome washed away any misgivings or anxiety he could possibly have. He felt his cheeks heat up and he suddenly found himself becoming extremely bashful. A childlike glee filled him, making his heart boom loudly against his chest and his body quiver. He felt those strong arms tighten around him and hold him steady. A stupid grin spread across his lips as that fair mouth began to place soft wet kisses up his neck and across his jaw, repeating those same three words. He had to stop him in order to prevent himself from giggling like a teenage girl. He tugged at the hair still within his grasp, getting the other’s attention. The words that flowed from him came out effortless. He had never been so sure of something before in his entire life.

  
“I love you too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wasn't fully happy with how this chapter turned out. I probably should have continued it more but it would have gone into subject matter I want in a completely separate chapter. I hope it was clear to understand and follow the differences between Kakashi in the war and Iruka's dream while caught in the Infinite Tsukuyomi.


	12. It takes a strong foundation to withstand the ages

With a blink of his eyes everything had changed. He looked around and saw that his surroundings were different. There were no muted walls adorned with framed photos and crude but colorfully imaginative drawings. There was no sofa, no kotatsu, no bookshelves packed neatly with literature from a variety of genres. There was no lingering scent of tea, coffee, weapon oil, ink and wet dog. The bed was missing and laying upon it the only person that matter the most; the one person he no longer wanted to be without.

Instead there was the stillness of night with the occasional buzz of insects. The glowing white light of the moon was slowly receding and with it the blackness of shadows springing to life one more. The trees all around swayed in the breeze. He felt a sense of loss even though it had quickly dawned upon him that he had been subject to a genjutsu. The shared home, the lover who filled his heart with endless warmth and joy had all been an illusion. He drew a kunai and took a defensive stance, checking for the would be assailant. There was none.

Word of the war ending spread like wildfire. The news made Iruka’s heart elated and pained at the same time. He felt his chest tighten so much so that he had to clutch it, keeling over in order to help manage it. He was so thankful that the fighting was done. He hated bloodshed and violence at that magnitude. The dread of loss would not stop burrowing its way into his heart. Soon he would learn of the death toll, find out who would be the new names added to the memorial stone. The anticipation gnawed at him because there were quite a few names he hoped to whichever deity that would listen to him would not be on that list.

Anko had been the first name on his worry list to return safely. He pulled her so tightly into a vice like bear hug. She nuzzled against his chest and held him just as fiercely. If there were tears streaming down her face he made no mention. He also remembered his promise and once she was cleaned and showered he treated her to an abundance of dango.

The kunoichi insisted that after everything she would not leave her bed except to pee for the next few days. And so they lounged covered in blankets and in comfortable clothes- both in loose fitted shirts and pants, their hair flowing freely down their backs. Iruka didn’t have classes to teach since it was an unofficial mandate due to the fact that reuniting or mourning loved ones for the next few weeks as fighters returned was far more of a priority than grading papers about fire country history or the chakra system. She laid with her head in his lap and a stick of the confectionary treat in her mouth.

“Genny sent me word on my way home.” she said, looking up at him. When she was this relaxed and carefree she looked extremely feminine and beautiful, nothing like the devilishly sassy wild woman she often loved portraying herself as. This was the vulnerable side that only he and the senbon user saw. And at one point in their youth Iruka had thought that maybe he was truly in love with her, but after the disastrous night they slept together quickly shattered that delusion.

He leaned back against the wall. His hand was idly stroking her hair. It had been hell helping her to detangle and even out the strands from all the grime and damage the war had coated over it. Now it was a silky violet that showed beautifully even in indoor lighting. “Good news that he’s relatively in one piece, I hope.”

“Mmhmm.” She threw the stick at the wall, the pointed end embedding itself with a soft thunk. It joined many others in a sort of bizarre abstract portrait. What she was making wasn’t clear. Her eyes light up and she smiled brightly as she reached for another sweet. “Ruki-poo, I love it when you keep your promises!” She giggled and licked at one of the dumplings. “But yeah, back to Genny. He’s good, so is Raidou.” Her eyebrows wiggled suggestively and Iruka could not help but crack up. “I swear those two should just stop fucking around and just try being together for more than the time it takes to bust a nut.”

“Says the self proclaimed devourer of men.”

“I’m not all about that emotional stuff. When I am finally ready to deal with my own crap, that’s when I’ll be able to handle someone else's.” She emphasized her point by sinking her teeth into another dumpling and tearing it off the stick. “The friends with benefits thing seems to be working for them so I won’t knock it, even though I haven’t heard either of them talk about seeing anyone. But Raidou has been warned not to hurt our Genny or else!”

He shook his head and chuckled softly. “Heaven forbid he received the punishment of sleeping with you.” he teased.

“Nah, unlike you and Gen-Gen he is so only interested in the peen it isn’t funny. You bet your pretty brown ass I tried though.” She pouted and pawed at him when he took the remaining dango out of her hand. He smirked and ate one before handing it back. “People who buy your sweet and innocent act are complete idiots.”

“That’s what makes me the king of pranks. Deception is the long game- starts before the prank even begins and continues well after. Ibiki still jumps every chance he gets to try to convince me to quit teaching and work with him.”

“He would be a fool not to! After that whole tuna and banana cream pie fiasco, how he was racking his brain for months and still couldn’t figure out that it was you. The third felt so bad that he made you fess up to him. I won’t forget the look on Ibiki’s face while he was trying to process everything. I swear he fell in love with you that day!”

The pre-genin teacher shook his head. “More like bizarre idolization. I only call it bizarre because it’s coming from Ibiki of all people. I had to agree to at least one mission from him during the summer breaks just to get him to stop begging me. I swear he is worse than some ninken.” At the mention of ninken he suddenly fell silent. The joy on his face quickly changed to worry and sadness and his thoughts became about Kakashi. He had no way of knowing what happened to him, whether or not he was ok. He had to keep hoping and assuming that he survived and would be returning soon, not until he had concrete proof otherwise.

Anko was a lot more observant than most gave her credit for. She knew right away what had brought upon the change in her kin. She sat up and pushed her snack aside. Her hands cupped his cheeks and she turned his head to look at him. “He’s coming home.” Her voice was gentle and reassuring; no hint of her normal snide cynicism. “We won the war, and you know damn well he had a hand in that. He’ll be home soon, and when he gets back Gen-Gen and I will leave you two alone to snog for at least a good week. And if he was foolish enough to die out there, I will use Orochimaru’s jutsu and kill him all over again myself.” She placed a soft kiss to his lips before pressing her forehead against his. “He’s coming home.”

 

Over the course of the next month the battle hardened and weary shinobi of Konoha returned home. Iruka volunteered anywhere that would take his assistance just so he could keep himself busy and not let his thoughts wander towards the well-being of a certain silver haired jounin. Unfortunately the place that constantly requested his services was the hospital for grief counseling, particularly for the families who had small children. Because he was a teacher, and damn good at his job, everyone just assumed that he wouldn’t object to this. He honestly didn’t like it but he also knew it was important and that he had a better approach than most would. Plus he could draw upon his own first hand experience during the last great war when he lost his parents and the comfort the third hokage had provided for him. So ultimately he was probably one of the best people suited under the circumstance.

He had just finished comforting a family when he heard a loud commotion. He stepped out into the hall and looked around. There was a parade of medic-nin and gurneys hurrying down the other end of the hall. Confused he asked a passing nurse what the fuss was about.

“The hokage has returned with Uzumaki Naruto and Uchiha Sasuke. She’s ordered only authorized personnel around them. Not sure why but I think it’s because they’re badly hurt.”

Iruka thanked them and let them continue on their way. He stepped back against the wall and slowly sank down to the floor. His two former students had returned. Naruto had completed his personal mission of bringing back his former teammate. He covered his mouth with his hand in an attempt to not cry out. He was so relieved that the blonde was back, even if he was hurt. Tears started to flow down his cheeks and he let them. By doing so it released one of the giant knots in his stomach. He wanted to rush over to the boy, his surrogate little brother, but he knew the smart thing would be to wait and not get in the way of Tsunade and her team. Both young men were in her care and that alone would be enough for now.  
He had been so lost in his own thoughts that he had not felt the light tug of his pant leg. It was only when it became more forceful that he was finally snapped out of his self-absorption. He wiped at his face before looking down. His eyes grew wide as he was greeted by the permanently annoyed face of a small pug. He tried to talk but he was just too stunned to form words.

“What’s wrong with your hair?”

He blinked. Instinctively he reached up to the top of his head. Nothing feeling his ponytail it took him a moment to remember that he had worn his hair down today. In fact he had been wearing it down every day since he left Kumo- a promise he had made to not tie it up until Kakashi had returned the band he had borrowed.

Not waiting for an answer the dog spoke again. “I wanted to let you know that he’s back. Gai is in pretty bad shape so Boss hasn’t left his side.”

Hearing that gruff unamused voice made another set of tears well up. He felt the second knot in the pit of his stomach come undone and all the tension he had been carrying left his body. He didn’t try to stop himself as he wept. To any onlooker it might seem like he was mourning a great loss but in fact it was the opposite. They were tears of joy that the man he was in love with had returned. They were also tears of pain because he got to be selfish while others around him had to plan funerals. All his emotions flooded in silent tears.

Pakkun’s paws clicked softly on the sterile floor tiles as he came closer to Iruka. He came up to his hip and moved around in a circle before sitting down next to him. He sat at attention, but his tiny body ever so slightly brushed against the teacher’s thigh. The stoic pug wasn’t the type to show affection or lavish others like his packmates. Providing comfort was foreign to him, just like it was for his master. What he could do was sit with the man and keep him company so that he wouldn’t be alone. It was the least he could do. “When you’re ready I can take you to him if you want. However I’m gonna warn you, he isn’t the same like he was when he left. It’s hard to explain and best if you heard it from him.”

Iruka sniffled and quickly wiped his eyes with the back of his hands. The tears wouldn’t stop falling no matter how much he willed it. He most likely looked a wreck but he did his best to get rid of any visible snot with his uniform sleeve. Clearing his throat he ran his hands through his hair and over his face once more before starting to stand up. He felt the warmth of a little paw on his thigh. He looked down at the animal, confusion on his reddened face. The pug simply shook his head. “There’s no rush, sensei. Boss ain’t going anywhere anytime soon.”

He gave the pug a weary smile and patted him gently on his crown. “I look that bad, huh?” His voice croaked as he spoke.

“Not horrible. But definitely that you’ve been crying. Boss is on edge enough already so seeing your with tears just might break him.”

“Oh… maybe I should bother him some other time.” Iruka looked down at his lap, feeling self conscious. He didn’t want to cause any issues for the other man. The way Pakkun describe him made it seem like his presence just might do that. The last thing he wanted to do was cause him more grief.

“Out of the question.” The gruff command almost sounded like an actual bark. It caused him to sit up straight, taken aback by it. He wasn’t used to anything other than calm disinterest from the ninken. “I need you to see him today. You bring Boss back from going over the edge, whether you realize you’re doing it or not. You both need to see that the other is alive and breathing. I’m proud of you for being the alpha and claiming him as your mate. I just don’t want him to mess it up by being a dumb pup. He tends to do that alot.”

He started at the dog completely dumbfounded. He was immediately reminded about that weird vision he had. It had to have been a genjutsu induced dream because he knew he hadn’t fallen asleep. Hearing the way Pakkun was talking to him was giving him an unsettling feeling of deja vu. He blinked and cleared his throat before crudely using his sleeve to wipe away any remain signs of crying from his face. “Well, someone needs to make your job easier.” Slowly he smiled at the small pug. “I do wrangle pre-genin for a living so I think I can handle being your boss’s boss.” He gave Pakkun a scratch behind his ear. The dog almost instantly melted into the touch but was clearly resisting the urge. The only sign of his enjoyment was that his back left leg started to spasm and thump loudly against the cold tile floor.

“Yep, the pack was right. You do give the best rubs.”

 

The two walked leisurely down a corridor. They were heading towards the private recovery wing, which was located about two floors above the meeting area where Iruka had been counseling grieving families. This wing was significantly more somber out of respect as well as to help promote restful healing. The colors of the walls were also not that sterile blindingly stark white as the rest of the hospital. They were more soothing cool tones of grey with clay trimmings. Already Iruka’s nerves calmed and he felt a bit more relaxed. His body was already so tense with the anticipation of seeing his boyfriend, if that was what he was supposed to call the other man now, and a little apprehension as he remembered Pakkun’s warning that Kakashi was going to be different. He shouldn’t be surprised, really. War changed people for better or worse. He couldn’t imagine the atrocities the older man was forced to witness. Part of him did not want to know.

As they approached the room that Gai was recuperating in, Iruka was surprised to see Lee outside the door. The normally vibrantly youthful teen seemed sullen as he leaned against the wall adjacent the entrance to the room. The taijutsu user adored his sensei to the point of adopting his trademark style and mannerisms, so to see him somber and not with boisterous fanfare was mildly disturbing- at least Iruka thought so.

“Iruka-sensei.” he said with a small bow of acknowledgement. “I’m glad you’re here safe and sound.”

“Likewise.” Iruka offered him a warm smile.

“He still in the same spot?” The pug walked up to the door and sniffed around.

“He won't leave Gai-sensei’s side. He needs to go home and rest, clean up and have a decent meal. I can stay with my sensei in his place.” Those doe like eyes looked at Iruka in an almost pleading manner. “Iruka-sensei, you have always been good at giving advice and helping others return to a path of normalcy. Would it be too much trouble to ask that you make sure Kakashi-san goes home? I would greatly appreciate it.” He bowed again, this time even lower than when he first greeted him. He was taken aback by the formality.

“S-sure. I can try.”

Pakkun pawed at the door in an attempt to open it. Iruka stepped in and slowly slid it open. He took in the comfortable looking room. The walls were a cool blue and there were a few plush looking chairs strewn about. His eyes almost immediately focused on the back of the person seated on a small rolling stool meant for doctors to move about examining a patient with ease. Seeing that stalk of silvery hair made his heart speed up. He resisted every urge in his body to race over to him, pull him into an embrace, tear away that mask and kiss him until there was no longer any oxygen left in his body. He held back because things were still so new and he wasn’t sure how the other felt about public displays of affection, or if he even wanted to be public about their change in status at all.

Kakashi sat silent and rigid like a statute. He was in constant vigil at Gai’s bedside. The man nearly died opening the gates. He should have but maybe heaven wasn’t ready to take the man away during the springtime of his youth. Kakashi had lost so many people during his life so those he closely held dear he was fiercely devoted to them. He didn’t know what he would do if he really had lost Gai. He might act like he couldn’t stand him or that he was annoyed by him, and at times he really was, but in reality there was never a dull moment and he always sought his counsel. Gai was extremely wise when it came to interpersonal relationships, a lot more than people would give him credit for. He, along with Tenzou, were a large part of how Kakashi was able to function relatively decently in society.

He felt a warm hand gently come to rest on his shoulder. He didn’t move or make any sign of acknowledgement. “Lee, I told you that I’m fine.”

“Well I’m telling you it’s time to go home.”

His eyes grew as wide as saucers as his ears registered that velvety smooth tenor. It felt like ages since he had last heard such melodic words spoken to him. He didn’t know how long the war had been and he hadn’t bothered to care to count. He quickly spun around on the stool and looked upon the softly smiling man. His eyes drank in the sight of tan skin, chestnut locks that were brushing along his shoulders, that slightly lighter colored scar that bisected a handsome face, hazelnut eyes that could always look deep into his soul and tell him everything will be alright. Every fiber of his being screamed to jump out of his seat and wrap his arms around Iruka. He wanted to touch his hair and bring it up to his nose, take in his scent. What he yearned for most of all was to kiss those soft lips for days on end and forget about the rest of the world. His body twitched but he was rooted in place, unable to move.

It took a minute for Iruka to notice. He was too busy focusing on the fact that Kakashi was actually right there in front of him, living and breathing. Kakashi’s eyes were locked onto his and that was when it dawned on him what Pakkun meant. Kakashi’s eyes. There were two stormy grey eyes staring back at him. Gone was the tome of the Uchiha that both awed and frightened him. He wasn’t sure how to feel about the change. Kakashi was still handsome, that wasn’t ever going to change. He wanted to know what could have possibly happened for him to lose the sharingan only to then have an exact matching eye to his other in its place.

He could see that Kakashi was wrestling with something. He was probably trying to hide it but Iruka saw the slight twitch of his body. He could only smile more. “Kakashi-sensei, it’s time for you to return home and rest. Gai will be okay with that for at least one night. Lee will be here to care for him.” Both men looked over at the hospital bed as Pakkun lept onto it. He found a spot near the end by Gai’s feet and laid down.

“Listen to the sensei, Boss. I’ll stay here and keep you updated.”

Iruka gently squeezed the other’s shoulder. “I’ll see you out.”

WIthout another word the jounin stood up from his post. He silently followed the other out of the room. Iruka silently closed the door. Almost immediately after he felt strong arms wrap around his torso and pull him back to lay against a broad chest. He felt a fabric colored nose tuck itself into the crook of his neck. He was surprised he did not make an audible sigh. He stood there for a moment, basking in the warmth of the other. It had only been a short time since the focus of their relationship changed but he hadn’t realized until that moment just how desperately he had missed being held by the other. Slowly he turned around to face him.

“Your place or mine?”

 

Iruka rustled through his dresser drawers looking for any spare clothing that might possibly fit Kakashi. He guessed that they were roughly around the same waist size, Iruka only being slightly larger and obviously shorter in the legs. He had been surprised that he had wanted to come over, secretly he was delighted. Part of him had thought that maybe Kakashi would have wanted to be alone as he had been such a solitary creature most of his life. But deep down he suspected the last thing Kakashi wanted was to be by himself and Iruka was happy to indulge.

He heard the running water of his shower switch off so he shook away his thoughts and hurried his search. He ended up with one of the oversized t-shirts he normally slept in and a pair of drawstring fleece pants. He took his tiny bundle to the bathroom and lightly knocked on the door. Hearing the soft footfalls his breath caught in his throat waiting in anticipation. His mind had gone south in contemplation of what state of undress the other would be when answering. The door opened but only wide enough for part of Kakashi’s face to be seen. The rest was hidden behind the door. Surprised, Iruka looked away and held out the clothes. Embarrassment flushed across his cheeks. He had been so stupid having lewd thoughts about being greeted by a naked jounin.

Kakashi saw the outstretched arms and the flustered look that he was trying to hide by turning away out of consideration. He couldn’t help but smile; he found this absolutely adorable and charming. He let out a soft chuckle and took the offered garments. “Thank you.” The mirth was present in his tone. He couldn’t help but tease him. He loved seeing the other blush and his feathers ruffled. “Care to take a peak, sensei?” He internally triumphed when he heard that typical squawk of surprise Iruka tended to make.

Iruka felt himself being to fluster. He was also annoyed because it quickly dawned on him that the other might possibly be antagonizing him purposely. Some things hadn’t changed, even if their relationship had. He huffed. “Like I have any interest in looking at a twig.” He smirked and pretended to storm off, heading back to his room. He still needed to change out of his uniform and the bulkiness of it was oddly heavy on his body for some reason. He hastily removed it, tossing articles into a small pile on the floor. He would worry about neatness another day. He was just suddenly feeling like his skin was on fire and the uniform was the cause. He threw on an oversized shirt and loose sleeping shorts, needing to not have anything restrictive against his skin.

He stepped out of his room just as Kakashi had emerged, fully clothed. He suddenly felt a little jumpy, his senses coming alive and very away of the other. He looked over at him and gave him a weak smile. “I--I was just about to make tea. Would you like some? Or maybe something to eat? I think I have enough in the kitchen to whip up something edi--” His words were cut off as the other suddenly invaded his personal space. Warm, lanky fingers touched his face and soft lips covered his own. His body stiffened at first from the spontaneous intrusion before he was overwhelmed with need. A need for contact, connection, closeness. A hunger was awakened inside him and hit his body like waves crashing against a rocky coast. He fisted the other’s shirt and pulled him against him before he devoured his mouth.

He put up no resistance as Iruka became aggressive and took control. His fingers moved up to cradle the back of his head, making sure to intertwine them with the dark mane. Kakashi felt his skin tingle and come alive as if it had been caressed with electricity. If he had known kissing the other felt this amazing he would have done it years ago! He felt himself being pulled forward and he complied, his steps stumbling a bit. He didn’t care where he was being led. All that mattered was the person whose tongue was brushing against his lips, demanding entrance into his mouth. He greedily complied and returned the action, savoring the essence of the other as it tantalized his taste buds.

He closed his eyes and let his arms move down to wrap around his waist. Kakashi was still going to have to get used to having two normal functioning eyes once again. No longer having the drain of chakra constantly pulling on his system left him feeling odd due to the abundance of energy. Gone were the days trapped in the hospital to recuperate. Instead he was finding himself being dragged into the other’s bedroom. His fingers curled around the fabric covering Iruka’s torso, wanting to simply feel the other’s form. He had fought so hard to come back home, to come back to him, and now everything felt so surreal. That must have been a side effect from just how deranged the war had been for him on both his physical body and his psyche. But here was what mattered and why suffering through all that mental torture had been worth it. Here he felt safe. Here he felt whole. Here he felt free.

Iruka hadn’t really intended to do anything, he truly hadn’t. As soon as their lips touched and those hands snaked around him his suppressed and highly frustrated promiscuous tendencies sprang to life with an overwhelming vengeance. For so long he had felt nothing but sadness, pain and loss. And that genjutsu dream had left him empty with the loss of that love and comfort that had filled him utterly and completely. He needed that again. He yearned for it, craved it, and hadn’t realized just how much the other had changed him. He never used to feel this way for anyone but now every fiber of his being yearned to be consumed by the man in every way imaginable. He guided the other backwards to his bedroom. His hands roamed freely, needing his skin to make contact with every inch of the other in order to validate that this was real and not another illusion. Their mouths never broke apart, ravaging ferociously as if they were the other’s lifeline.

He was jolted a tiny bit when his calves came in contact with the edge of his bed. He sucked on Kakashi’s bottom lip and fisted handfuls of his shirt as he sat down on the bed. He never let go as he leaned back, pulling the older man down to be on top of him. Normally he hated opening himself up to be vulnerable but he was overwhelmed with memories of that dream and now with the other home safe he needed the security provided with his physical presence dominating his own. As his back hit the soft blankets he wrapped his limbs around the other, clinging to him as if he were to vanish the instant he let go.

Kakashi had to break the kiss, even though he was reluctant to do so. The fact that he needed to breathe, combined with the overwhelming flurry in which things were happening forced him to pull away. He looked down at the other, his salvation, and was completely mystified. Those umber strands fanned out, framing him with a dark halo. His eyes drank in the sight of the tan skin dusted with hints of rose. He rutted himself in place as he felt legs wrap around his hips. He did his best to suppress any guttural groans or suggestive movements with his own body. Everything between them was changing at lightening speed, and even though it felt extremely natural and perfect he wasn’t used to it- hence why he was willing to let the other take the lead… even though a tiny part of him questioned if maybe they should slow down.

Iruka tried not to pout, really he did. He knew they stopped was because they both were in desperate need of oxygen but he hated every second they were not in full contact with one another. Taking this moment to think a bit more rationally had him look truly at the other. This wasn't the first time he took in his features- his surprisingly straight nose, narrow but slightly angular jaw, thin lips and the small beauty mark on his chin- but this was the first time he was doing so since he returned to Konoha. This was the first time he was truly seeing Kakashi as how he born, and how he would be for the rest of his life without the sharingan. He looked deeply into both metallic eyes and he realized at that moment that he both loved and hated them. His eyes were truly beautiful and now that he had two allowed Iruka to see more of his face, as well as alleviating the worry of the toll constant chakra drain took on his body. But he hated that the eye of the Uchiha was gone. It had been a part of him for such a long time, part of his identity. Even though that eye frightened Iruka, that danger also excited him beyond fathomable words. The spinning tomes were seductive and hypnotic, and the thought of them recording his every move and the things Kalashi would have seen or be able to revisit was tantalizing to imagine.

No longer having the eye did not change Iruka’s feelings. He was still ready to dive in fully and completely; to risk everything they had established in order to create something even more splendid and fantastic. But he could understand if Kakashi wasn't feeling the same. He didn't think that was the case (Kakashi had wanted to come over and had initiated the kiss). Looking up at the man he was willing to give his heart to he let his hand slip down to cup his face. His thumb softly caressed the bottom of that scar. He felt the other stiffen and it caused a sinking feeling to well up in his stomach. “Kakashi?”

He could hear the hurt in Iruka’s voice. That was the last thing he would ever want to hear. He was fairly certain his actions caused it and that wasn’t what he had wanted to do. He had always been so self conscious of his face, especially his left eye, that it was just instinctual to react that way. And now with everything that had changed he didn’t know what was right or wrong. All he knew was that Iruka would never hold it against him and be nothing but supportive. He needed to overcome his issues and the only way to do would be with the aid of someone else. And there was no way he was going to have that level of a heart to heart discussion with Gai or Tenzou. He didn’t feel like cringing the entire time. He owed Iruka honesty if they were ever going to thrive together as a couple- and a couple was exactly what he wanted them to be. Iruka wasn’t just a fling for him or a passing flight of fancy. No, what he felt for the teacher was the real deal and he knew he had to give one hundred percent of himself or else it was meaningless to continue.

Kakashi slowly removed himself from on top of the other and laid down beside him. He stared up at the ceiling, feeling more comfortable fixating on the lighting fixture as he mentally prepared for this conversation. Trying not to give the other the wrong idea, Kakashi reached out and took his hand. He placed the warm dark palm against his chest and covered it with his own. He could feel the other shift on the bed to look at him, or at least he assumed that Iruka was staring at him. “When people say war is hell, they aren’t lying.” he began. “But for me it was my own private hell. It was as if the gods decided to play a sick joke and torment me more than life already has.” Realizing what he said might have sounded poorly he quickly squeezed Iruka’s hand. “Except you. You have been one of the best things to ever happen to me.”

Iruka laid there a bit perplexed. Things had been so hot and heavy but now were almost cold as Kakashi began speaking. He shouldn’t really be surprised since the other was not the best at interpersonal interactions and he was aware of that. He even found it charming at times. This wasn’t one of those. He wasn’t upset, just extremely confused. Feeling the gentle squeeze of his hand he looked over at him. “You don’t have to say anything.” He felt like he was apologizing even though he wasn’t sure why. “You just got back and you are probably exhausted so…”

“No.” Kakashi rolled over onto his side so that he could face him. He interlaced their fingers together and held it against his chest once more. “I need to tell you. I have to be open and honest with you. Not that I wasn’t always before.... I just can’t have any secrets from you if I want us to work. And I do want us to work.” He squeezed that warm hand once more. He looked over at Iruka and studied him- truly looked at him. Not that he hadn’t before but that was when he had one normal eye and another that memorized every little detail, which was very handy for masturbation material, but the drawbacks made it a major pain. Now he had two good eyes and was able to fully drink in the vision that the other was for as long as he wanted. And Iruka really was breathtaking, as least in his mind he was (he knew the other would feel differently).

A wave of heat washed over Iruka’s body at the seriousness of Kakashi’s words. He wanted them to work and was serious about it. It wasn’t that Iruka himself wasn’t serious about it nor doubted the other’s intentions, it was just hearing him say it outloud cemented that this was all real and actually happening. He was trying his best not to show it but internally he was gleeful and not unlike the adolescent girls in his class who would fawn over their latest crush. The only traces of his joy was the blush that was spreading across his face and down his neck. “I just don’t want you to feel like you are obligated to tell me. We’re both shinobi and secrets come with our profession.” Iruka scooted closer to the other. He brought their joined hands up to his lips and kissed Kakashi’s knuckles. “Whatever you share with me, please know that I appreciate and value the fact that you trust me that much. I won’t take it for granted.”

Kakashi couldn’t help but smirk. The wrinkled folds of skin at the corners that indicated his smile were doubled now that both eyes were uncovered. “I’ll just make sure I don’t put out when you start to.” He then leaned forward and brought his lips close to the shell of the other’s ear. “And trust me, you will want me to put out.” He heard the other start to sputter and turn bright red. It caused him to laugh and feel a lightness inside his chest. He always enjoyed making the other flustered and this was no exception. In fact he loved it even more but he attributed that to the fact that they were lying in his bed and Kakashi had just implied the performance of lewd acts. He laughed harder when Iruka regained his senses and proceeded to glare at him, all before smacking him lightly against his bicep.

“You are just so… so urgh!” Iruka’s irritation soon broke into a small smile. No matter how much of a brat Kakashi was he couldn’t help but find it charming. There was never any malice behind the teasing and that was why he couldn’t truly be upset with him. “Keep that up and I’ll make you sleep on the couch instead of with me. I’m sure your pack would enjoy taking your spot in my bed.” He felt triumphant when he heard the older man bawk and almost immediately pout like an overgrown child. He scooted closer and patted the top of his head, an even cheekier grin plastered on his face. “But definitely not tonight. You’re all mine, if you’ll have me.”

“Oh sensei, that sounds like something Yumiko told her rival-turned lover in chapter nine of Ero Ero Paradigm. ” Kakashi couldn’t help but coo at the other. It almost immediately landed him another series of light swats. It had all been worth it seeing Iruka so lively and animated. It also gave him the opportunity to be sly and distract the other from giving him a potential lecture about comparing him to porn characters by kissing him softly all over his neck, jaw and ears. The actions got Iruka so worked up that he made Kakashi stop and kiss him directly instead.

Eventually Kakashi told Iruka about the war. They laid there in bed, Iruka’s head resting on his chest and Kakashi’s fingers idling twirling small strands of that long hair he was quickly growing a fetish for. He didn’t spare any detail. Iruka sat quietly and listened, allowing Kakashi to take his time and didn’t interrupt. His heart ached as the jounin recounted his disbelief when Tobi revealed himself to be Obito and said how much he resented his former teammate. He tried not to blanch in horror as he learned about the four hokage who were raised from their eternal slumber. He couldn’t stop himself from shedding silent tears upon learning that Gai had almost died and that Madara was the one who had ripped out his eye. He did everything he could to not force him to stop talking and embrace him. He knew that wasn’t what Kakashi would have wanted; that the older man needed to finish recounting everything in his own time and way. If Iruka stopped him now the man might not ever finish. He did take his hand into his own and squeeze it reassuringly to show that the horrors of the tale had not dissuaded him.

He couldn’t help but smile as Kakashi told him how it had been Naruto who had restored his eye. He always knew the boy was special and full of surprises but this feat had been even more astounding. His heart stopped aching as he learned that Kakashi and Obito eventually made peace before the later passed on to join Rin and the fourth hokage. He let silence fall between them for a few moments as he listened to the other’s breathing. He waited for it to even out and was surprised to find his heartbeat relatively calm.

He felt arms wrap around him and hold him tightly. Iruka was surprised to find himself snuggling into it- he had never been much of a cuddler. In Kakashi’s arms that was all he wanted to do- nuzzle up against his safety and warmth and let down his defenses. The fact that he felt his partner do the same made him realize that he must have felt similar.

“Did anything happen to you?”

The words were spoken so softly that Iruka had nearly missed them. He had started to feel lulled by the comfort of the other. He blinked and tilted his head to look up him. “It was nowhere near as heroic or life threatening as your tale.”

“I would like to know.” Kakashi moved his hand to touch the other’s chin. “I want to know everything about you, that I don't already know I mean, and share everything about me.”

So Iruka told him. He started by telling him about how he had been out in the forest in the dead of night. There had been a blinding white light and when he had looked up at the sky it was the moon shining brighter than he had ever seen it before. And Kakashi listened. He was just as quiet as Iruka had been. He knew from what Iruka described that he had been caught in the infinite tsukuyomi. He would explain that to him later. He let Iruka continue describing everything he saw and experienced. He was shocked to learn that of all the things he could have dreamed about he focused on him; on _them_. He held in a chuckle at the mention of Bisuke- he would hold onto that tidbit to use against his pack in the future. He was more and more awestruck and could not help but stare at him in complete disbelief.

He found himself starting to grin like a blushing school boy and before the other could finish he rolled him over and pinned him to the mattress. His grin grew wider as Iruka cried out in protest. “You told me you loved me, didn’t you.” He could not help but tease him, however the look in his eyes shown brightly that he was extremely serious. His grin softened when the other blushed and looked away.

“So what if I did?” Iruka looked like he was pouting and Kakashi thought it was the most adorable thing he had ever seen. “You said it first anyway.”

Kakashi touched his chin and turned his head to look at him. His eyes locked onto those muddy brown ones. His smile faded as he took on a more serious expression. “Then let me say it first for real this time and not in a genjutsu.” He felt his stomach twisting as nerves consumed him but he pushed through it. What he felt for the other was real. The words felt right and true and even though he knew the other would not reject him after he spoke them he just couldn’t help but worry that he would- ingrained conditioning that he would have to train himself out of. “I love you. I know it’s probably too soon to say it but after everything that’s happened, and the reality of being a shinobi I just... I’ve always known but was too chicken shit to say or do anything. And I know I’ll mess up a lot and still be a jerk but this fact won't change…” He could no longer overcome his anxiety and started to ramble, causing a wave of embarrassment to wash over him. He started to pull away, wanting to retreat into himself, but was surprised when Iruka stopped him.

“You will always be annoying and act like a jerk, but I don’t care. I’m probably going to loose my voice yelling at you.” Iruka reached up and stroked his cheek. “There are only two things that matter- you love me and I love you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know if there are any officially named characters in the Icha Icha or Ero Ero book series, so I made one up. The only officially stated character from any of Jiraiya's works that I know of is Naruto from his first book, the semi-autobiographical "Tales of a Gutsy Ninja". If there are any other officially states characters please let me know.


	13. We love in order to live

“If you would just stand still for more than two seconds this wouldn’t be taking so long.”

It had been six months since the end of the war. The era of peace between the hidden villages and their respective countries had begun and the impact was starting to bear fruit. Trading borders that had once been closed now opened, allowing commerce to flourish. Things were not perfect and there were still missions to be had, rebel uprisings to thort, diplomats to entrust with strategic negotiations but overall the world was a lot more calm.

During those six months Tsunade had made all the preparations to step down as hokage and to transition the leadership to Kakashi. The jounin had not been very enthusiastic about the decision, whining about why couldn’t she wait it out until Naruto was ready to take up the title, but he knew she earned her right to step down. She had sacrificed so much and protect Konoha and her people fiercely and deserved every bit of her sake and gambling filled retirement. No matter how much he complain he was not going to argue- that was not something good shinobi do. He just made it very clear to her that he would only be a place holder until the boy was ready. They both knew, however, that he would fulfill his duties to the utmost of his abilities readless.

It was the final month of Tsunade’s tenure. She and Kakashi were to travel to the palace of the Fire Daimyo for his official approval. That was why he found himself in a kimono taylor’s workshop, standing in front of a mirror with his arms outstretched and the old man and his apprentice fussing about him with pins and fabric measuring tapes. He hadn’t the unwanted attention, the poking and prodding. He looked over at his lover, having asked him to go with him because only he had any eye for fashion. Kakashi would have prefered to just go in his uniform but he was adamantly told no, with Shizune the one who nearly punched him through a wall- surprising both himself and the godaime. 

Kakashi pouted at Iruka behind his mask. The man was not being sympathetic at all. “I can’t. An idle shinobi is as good as dead. Besides, you’re supposed to be supportive because that’s what good boyfriends do.”  The glare he received made him pout more. It also excited him because he loved it when the other wasn’t seriously angry- he looked extremely attractive when his eyes narrowed, brow furrowed, and his hands on hips. Thankfully he was extremely uncomfortable in this situation and it was undoubtedly helping to not make things anymore awkward than they already are.

“Sucks for you that you’re a bad boyfriend or else I would be.” He could not help but sneak in a tiny grin. He knew Kakashi was not being difficult on purpose for once so he couldn’t be mad at him. “But seriously, this would have been done much faster if you had just gotten your father’s kimono and haori tailored.”

Kakashi looked away. Iruka was correct, things would have been easier to alter his father’s formal garments. He was worried that they were too outdated, but more importantly he did not want to hear all those dignitaries and rich old fat cats constantly remarking about how much he looked like Sakumo. In the past those remarks would have made him extremely angry but now it would just be annoying because that would be the first thing out of their mouths. He hated such frivolous events and the last thing Tsunade needed to deal with would be doing damage control if, and when, he insulted some aristocrat because of it. “True… but I thought maybe that you would have liked helping me get a set of my own. I haven’t had one since I was a child. I trust your judgement on stuff like this.”

“Sakura told me about what happened and did not spare any details. Everyone needs at least one set of formal clothes, even you.”

The two artisans finished taking their measurements. They informed the pair that they would return shortly with a swatch book of various fabrics to make their selection from.  Kakashi gave a nod while Iruka bowed, thanking them for their patience.  Once they were gone Kakashi went over to the other and leaned against him, his body slumping in exaggerated defeat. “Mah... I would be much more enthusiastic if these were only going to be for your eyes only.” he practically whined.

The chuunin rubbed his hand gently up and down his lover’s arm. “Oh it will be so hard for you to fend off horny old hens and their granddaughters.” His voice was dripping with sarcasm. “However will you manage?”

“I wouldn’t have to fend them off if you were there by my side.”

Iruka’s face frowned a tiny bit. “I still have classes to teach.”

“I’m the rokudaime, I’ll get you a substitute. Besides, Tsunade gets to bring Shizune and Sakura.” Kakashi tried to give the other his best imitation of the facial expression his ninken would make when they would try to shyly beg for treats. The puppy dog look would have been more effective if not for the fact that half of his face was hidden behind the mask. “I would have a much better time having there with me. Besides, you would make me look good and less like a jerk.”

“‘Kashi, I can’t…” Iruka bit down on his bottom lip and looked down at the floor, his hand falling away from the other. He would be lying by saying that he didn’t want to go. He had never been to the daimyo’s palace, let alone the capital. Plus with Sakura tagging along as well they would be able to chat and possibly explore the area while Tsunade and Kakashi attended their meetings. However all that wasn’t enough to suade him to go. No, there was something holding him back.

Kakashi could sense that Iruka was bothered. He knew exactly what it was, or at least he had a solid guess as to what it might be. “Don’t tell me you’re worried about what they’ll say? Seriously, ‘Ruka?! It’s not that big of an issue. Just take our village as an example. No one’s said a word about it.”

“Of course they wouldn’t say anything to you. Most people are afraid of you.”

Stormy eyes narrowed in dangerously. He could feel his body start to shake with anger. “But they’ve said something to you?” He gritted his teeth and was about to see red. In no way was Iruka ashamed of their relationship- on the contrary he embraced it wholeheartedly. However Kakashi knew he liked to be private about his personal life, especially given his constant interactions with children. Kakashi wanted to be free open and public with their relationship, but he was able to get the other man to meet him halfway. Unless they were alone or around their closest friends Kakashi would restrain his urges to publicly display his affection. That’s what dark corners and alleyways were for.  “What did they say? Who said it? Did they threaten you?”

“No one said anything to me.” Iruka looked back over at the older man. “Children just repeat what they hear from their parents, not understanding what exactly it is that they’re saying.” He could still feel the rage permeating into the other’s chakra. He touched a cloth covered cheek. “Don’t worry, I gave them a lengthy lecture about that. But children one one thing, adults with powerful connections and the wealth to maintain them are a different matter. You are going there to formally introduce yourself as our next hokage.  No matter how much I would love to witness that you don’t need anything that could possibly take the focus away from that.”

He placed a glove clad hand over his lover’s. “You do know that it’s me you’re talking about.  If anything, you being there will prevent me from doing anything socially unacceptable- which is basically everything I do.” He stepped closer and rested his forehead against Iruka’s, the metal of their protectors softly clinking. “Besides, you’re going to have to get used to these type of dull events regardless of the fact that we’re together.”

“And why is that? Don’t tell me you are going to order me to attend as your first act as hokage.”

“Mah, I wouldn’t be that cruel. My first act will be to form a committee for a re-evaluation of the academy education model and implement changes, with the purpose of adding a more global and unbiased teaching prospective. Times are different now and what we teach the next generation needs to reflect that.” Kakashi couldn’t help but smile. He took both of his hands into his own. He gave them both a gentle squeeze. “And I already know who I want to appoint as the committee chair. He’ll also be sent to the other nations as a representative of Konohagakure and work with the educators of the other hidden villages to observe and learn their histories. That is, of course, if he wants it.”

Iruka was absolutely speechless. He hadn’t expected that to be the first thing Kakashi would want to do once he took over. He figure it would be something along the lines of weapon upgrades or even wiping away any traces of Danzo and Root. The fact that he wanted education to be front and center as well as have him take leadership of it absolutely moved him. He knew Kakashi trusted his abilities but to have this much faith in him was astounding.

“You’re still a smooth manipulative bastard, you know that.” He could not help but grin. “I still expect to be asked officially.”

  
  


The banquet hall was flooded with high born nobles and those who worked hard to ascend the ranks. The vast room was adorn with mesmerizing golds, soft ambers and deep crimson reds providing the feeling as if one was wrapped in the warmth of a hearth fire. Everyone was clad in exquisitely crafted formal attire- be in traditional kimonos of various cuts and colors, or some who ventured to wear other styles such as crisply starched suits or floor length ball gowns. Servers weaved through the clusters of elite offering drinks and bite size morsels that were expertly prepared.

Iruka stood off to the side a bit removed from the crowd. He felt extremely out of place amongst the wealthy.His dress was extremely simple and plain compared to the extravagance of fine silks surrounding him. He wore a soft cotton monostuki kimono the color of fresh seaweed. His hakama were a matching color with pinstripes of a darker pine. A cream colored obi peaked out from under his hakama and his haori was the same pine. His eyes took in everything, observing and studying it all and still he felt out of place. He was pulled from his thoughts as he felt a flute glass pressed into his hand. He saw Sakura smiling softly at him and he could not help but do that same. He thanked her kindly and could not help but notice how much of a beautiful woman she was becoming. Her kimono was of a dusty rose that transitioned to white at the bottom with soft pink flower petals. Her obi matched her hair and her makeup was soft and ethereal. 

“This is such a completely different world for us.” she spoke before taking a small sip of the white wine she had brought them both. “I don’t understand how Tsunade-sensei or even sandaime-sama were able to navigate ours and theirs so seamlessly.  I feel so small and insignificant just looking at all this. The ladies here are just so beautiful.”

Iruka took a long drink, wanting the floral alcohol to help him relax. His smile grew and he gently nudged her shoulder with his own. “And yet I’m standing here with the loveliest one.” She could not help but blush. “But I do agree with you- this world is nothing like our own. They don’t know the pain and violence we witness, and what many here actually hire us for.”

“Tsunade-sensei wanted me to come to this, not only for my own education in politics, but also as a sign of support for Kakashi-sensei. But honestly, I think the only support he cares about having here is yours.”  She nudged him back and took another sip of her drink. “I do not envy you in the days to come. At least for the moment you aren’t surrounded by would be brown nosers like he is right now.”

His eyes followed hers to look at across the room to their right. There was a small sized group of lords and merchants and in the center of it all was Kakashi. The man looked stunning, even though his attire was simple.The prussian blue of the monostuki kimono and that color combined with the geometric patterns in oxford with accent lines of silver on the hakama complimented his pale skin. His haori was also that oxford blue with the Hatake clan symbol embroidered in silver on each shoulder. Iruka even had a matching mask made. The entire kimono turned out far better than he could have imagined. He knew Kakashi was of simple tastes but he needed to stand out as someone of worth to be taken seriously.  

His face didn’t show it but Iruka could tell by the man’s body language that he was overwhelmed and extremely uncomfortable. The signs were extremely subtle and anyone who didn’t know the trained shinobi wouldn’t even be able to notice. Iruka was one of the few who knew the man far better than most. He knew him on such an intimate level now that he could spot his tells, no matter how minute or miniscule they were, even from across a crowded ballroom like where they were now.

Iruka let out a soft sigh. “I guess I should probably go save him.” His tone held a tiny bit of sadness, feeling genuinely bad for the situation Kakashi was in. Even though he was used to dealing with people on a regular basis even he would be a bit uncomfortable in this particular setting.

“That’s entirely up to you, Iruka-sensei. You could just let him suffer because he is going to have to get used to a ton of these. Or you could be nice and hold it over his head that you had to rescue him for once. No matter how much I admire and respect Kakashi-sensei we all know he deserves a taste of his own medicine every once in awhile.”

The former teacher and student smiled at each other and shared a good soft laugh. Sakura took his now empty glass and said she would inform Shizune of the situation, that way they both could cover for Kakashi’s absence. He thanked her and they shared a brief hug before she ventured out into the crowd once more. Iruka looked out over across the hall once more.  He closed his eyes and took in a deep breath.

_ He owes me big time for this. _

 

To say that Kakashi was uncomfortable would be putting the situation lightly and in a positive manner. He was down right miserable. He had finally escaped one mass circle of dignitaries and had been on the search for his lover- wanting to find him and have them both get out of there as fast as possible. He didn’t even make it more than ten feet before he was encircled by another group, feeling like a lone sheep surrounded by hungry wolves. He continued to be polite as possibly, feigning interest, but his senses were on high alert because of how trapped he felt. He was silently cursing Tsunade for dragging him here but he also developed a different level of respect for her. He knew she hated these things and now he understood why.

“... and so you see rokudaime Hatake-san, it would be imperative to lend your support as soon as possible.”

“Oh that is rubbish! You just want in his good graces so you can introduce your granddaughter to him. Scheming to get your family associated with Konohagakure.”

“Pardon the interruption but the rokudaime’s presence has been requested for a meeting of the utmost importance.” Kakashi’s eyes lit up upon hearing that familiar velvety tenor. He saw Iruka down very low and respectfully to those around him. He could not felt but feel relief wash over him seeing his lover.

“Thank you, Umino-sensei. If you were sent to fetch me then it must truly be urgent.” He gave a small nod to those surrounding him.  “If you all will excuse us. Please, lead the way Umino-sensei.”

It was as if the sea parted as Kakashi followed Iruka away from his social prison. His honed hearing picked up on the grumblings of the aristocrats but he couldn’t care less how upset of possibly offended they were. He was getting away from them and was finally near Iruka, even if it was for the briefest of moments. No matter how much he longed to touch even his hand just being within his general vicinity would be enough until they were able to retire for the night. He hated that they had been put in separate quarters but that wouldn’t stop him from sneaking into the dear man’s bed and holding him until the sun rose.

They walked in absolute silence with Kakashi a few steps behind the other. They had turned down a few corridors before he finally spoke. “So, who wants to bore me to death now? The finance minister? Secretary of who the hell cares?” Iruka stopped abruptly. This surprised Kakashi. He made sure to stop before he did something foolish like walk right into him. He was even more caught off guard when the younger man turned around to face him. 

“No one like that. Just a lowly chuunin academy instructor…” There was a spark of mischief in his eyes and Kakashi knew that look quite well. The other was plotting something and that both excited and terrified the future hokage. Whenever Iruka gave him that all knowing smirk he knew he wasn’t about to have another dull moment, even if he was the subject of the other’s torturous pranks. “...who gracious enough to rescue you instead of letting you suffer all night, even if it would have been for your own good.”

He couldn't help but step forward, invading the other’s personal space. Iruka loved it when he could get the upper hand on his genius lover. Those moments were rare and so he relished in them with childish glee. He could feel a spike in the other’s chakra and that make him grin even more.

“Is that so?” Kakashi’s voice took on it’s more sly drawl, something he had to keep at bay for most of the evening. He couldn’t help but move closer to the other as well, being drawn to him like a moth to a flame.  “I would most like to meet this chuunin so that I can give him my sincerest gratitude and express my desire return such a selflessness.”

“He’s waiting for you in your quarters.”

Those words were like a trigger for Kakashi. He grabbed his partner’s hand and performed the teleportation jutsu. A swirl of smoke surrounded them as they reappeared inside the guest room Kakashi occupied. He wasted no time closing the distance between them and kissing Iruka. He had left his mask on but he didn’t care. He had been apart from his lover from the moment they arrived in the capital; forced to suffer through multiple private meetings with the daimyo and his cabinet and then that horrid party. He hadn’t been able to have a single moment alone together as he was constantly being pulled away.

Iruka was appreciative of his enthusiasm, however he still had every intention to gloat about the situation.  He pressed his hands gently on Kakashi’s chest and pushed him away ever so slightly. His grin grew hearing the soft whimper the other made. He sounded just like his pups and it was secretly adorable. “You owe me for rescuing you, ‘Kashi.” 

“Of course.” He wrapped his arms around the other. He let his cloth covered nose nuzzle against that strong tan neck. He wanted to feel the other’s warmth and his scent invaded his nostrils. “Anything ‘Ruka. Just name it.”

He sighed as he felt the other’s embrace. He really did love being held in Kakashi’s arms.  He wasn’t sure when that changed for him but he would be perfectly content if that was all he could have from the other for the rest of his life. His hands snaked up to play with the silver hairs at the base of his skull. “I want a foot massage. A real one and not half ass like you normally do.”

“Done.”  Kakashi continued press his nose against the other’s expose skin. His hands slipped under the dark green haori jacket to rub gentle circles along his back. He frowned that there was still so much fabric between them.

“And I want to go one of those onsen in Iwa you've talked about before you get sworn in as hokage. Not sure how much free time you’ll have for me after that happens.”

“That is such an easy done.” His hands slipped down to his hakama. He started to fiddle with the straps, trying to get them loose.  “I will always make time for you. I dare them to try to stop me from doing that. Anything else?”

Iruka’s grin grew more. He let his hands tug lightly on the hair in his fists. He knew that would elicit a groan of pleasure and Kakashi did not fail to disappoint. He leaned in and let his lips hover over a pale ear. “I want you to take over instructing my classes for a month.” His voice was purposely lowered and took on a seductive quality. Hot air blew across the tender flesh before he let his tongue lightly lap at the tender flesh.

Kakashi couldn’t hide the shiver that shook his body and nor did he want to. He always got so worked up when Iruka used that tone of voice. His fingers clenched around the silken fabric and he did everything he could to force down a moan. “Yes, of course. I’ll do whatever you want.” His head snapped up and he quickly pulled away from the other. “Wait, what?!” Seeing the other laughing made his steely eyes narrow. That impish look of triumph on his lover’s face told him everything he needed to know. He had been tricked and like a gullible idiot he fell for it.

“You already agreed. There’s no backing out of it now so don’t even try.” Iruka was enjoying this way too much and he intended to milk every moment of it. “Besides I won’t always be here to rescue you from social piranha. So you better appreciate me when I do.”

His glare wasn’t that serious but that didn’t mean he was a fan of a smug Iruka. Well he was because he found him insanely more attractive than usual- which said a lot because he was already at the top of Kakashi's sexiness scale to begin with. He was just more upset that he let himself get played. Then again he had no problem letting the other pull a fast one over him from time to time. If being forced to handle tiny hell spawn for a solid month meant that he was able to spend the rest of the evening with the love of his life and have him be willing to get him out of more uncomfortable situations then he would gladly swallow his pride and concede.

“You’re lucky I love you too much to not want to argue about it.”

Iruka’s grin turned into a warm smile. “And it’s a miracle that I even love you at all.” He stepped forward and brought his hands to the older man’s cheeks. His fingers hooked themselves around the edge of the mask and pulled it down. Kakashi leaned down and captured dark lips with his own. The kiss was warm and gentle and everything that was perfect.

  
“Now rokudaime-sama, about that foot massage....”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who had read this fictional journey of mine, gave kudos or commented. All your feedback and encouragement has meant the world to me. It has helped to revive my writing muse and I will try to write more in the future. Thank you all! 
> 
> Also for anyone interested in Japanese men's formal attire, this link breaks it down. http://www.wafuku.co.uk/kimonoinfo3.htm


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